Hi guys,
just wanted to let you all know that I finally got through my mysterious barrier while you were busy giving me advice. I missed the advice to take a break and don't force it but it wouldn't have done any good because I was too determined to give up. I knew there was a problem and I wanted to find out what and work with it.
Well that day I managed two quite powerful trips and one the following day. Funnily enough once I'd actually gotten what I was after I got it again that day and the following day first try, not exactly what I was looking for of course because there can be no expectation with this stuff but I reached the level I wanted and some.
The first one I achieved was pretty good, I knew how it was going to appear to me when I closed my eyes and I was right. I can't really describe it as it's hard to picture when I'm not deep inside or perching on the afterglow but the pattern/living substance looked how I had imagined and before I knew it I was in their world surrounded by the entities again. They were happy that I had come but I was also very aware that they had been blocking my attempts but they were overjoyed that it was finally time for me to see the truth.
They were all dancing and playing around me, it was a "playground" trip as I like to call it, when it feels like they're just really playful and happy to see you, they greet you and often gift you here. That's what I got.
They suddenly gave me back my happiness, literally released it and it came flying at me and wrapped around me like a warm blanket and I haven't lost it since.
See I'd been miserable for a few days and felt really off, they made it known to me that they'd held onto it because I don't appreciate it when it's there and they want me to so Also I have recently struggled with rejection or I've at least known that it's something that must be sorted out and the realisation hit me not whilst on DMT but on one of the nights after I'd had a session. By forcing me out every time I wanted to go in and be with them they also helped me to deal with feelings of rejection and helped me to plan how to cope with it in the future.
I came back very happy and rejuvenated and the glow hasn't gone yet.
Shortly after, I took another and I found myself in the machine room for the first time. I'd heard about these things but could never imagine them, and it's hard to imagine them now after seeing them but I have a rough memory of how it looked. The crazy thing is I saw "them" a lot clearer this time, the machine elves, definitely. They kept turning and looking at me as they pulled the levers and pushed the buttons but they seemed to busy to get involved, they all seemed very busy at work. I felt like I was watching atoms being charged, DNA pieced together and stars being born but behind the curtain. About a minute after I came back from that one, I wept. It was total confirmation of something bigger and I felt overjoyed and comforted by it, though it was a very weird and alien experience (as are they all).
The following day I had a crazy one. I took one MASSIVE hit from the machine (mine's quite large as we just through it together last minute and it's been a good little tool to have but probably around a litre capacity and the vapour was thick yellow and took several seconds to clear the chamber). I held it for about 10 seconds and simply couldn't hold on any longer. I was whizzing through the experience at a high rate of speed and with my last conscious moments I decided to push the limits and take another hit. I didn't manage anything like the previous one but I got a little extra on top just to ensure I went a littler deeper than I ever have before.
I lay back and closed my eyes and I was shocked to see this instant array of sparkling dots arranged all the way across the rectangle that was my vision, these soon burst into really bright and colourful lights. I always get golds, oranges and chocolate browns (in spectrums that go beyond what our eyes see) but it's almost always those colours. I've had a couple of blinding cream coloured light and stuff but nothing like what I got next.
The dots suddenly transformed into a huge structure that shifted and moved in the usual way but it was like a ceiling as opposed to wrapped around me. I kept seeing it as a church ceiling for some reason, probably the colours I associated with stained glass maybe but it was soooo bright and colourful, there were blues, greens, yellows, pinks, purples and way, way, way beyond the colours I've ever seen on or off DMT.
This multicoloured spectral ceiling descended upon me and soon I felt totally submerged, the structure became teeming with entities and they started flying down and bearing over me. I couldn't shut up my thoughts, they just came at light speed zooming in and out before I could catch hold of them. The entities were talking, telling me that they were trying to fix me but couldn't make any promises. Then they started flying into my abdomen and flying back out again, they'd bear down on me and smile, lay their hand on me to soothe me and fly in and back out.
I usually laugh on DMT, in the midst of it I usually find it funny but in a playful way simply because of how ridiculous the whole event is and all that I'm witnessing, it's a happy laughter. There was none of this on this trip, I smiled I know that much but no laughing, it was deadly serious.
They worked really fast because they knew I wouldn't be there for long and before I knew it I was back, it had been 7 minutes and felt like 2, really strange. The machine room trip lasted 15. Twice as long as my usual time away
Anyway, I got my time with them and I had full on interaction and I'm happy.
Now I can go on holiday in peace

Thanks for all your support and advice