When you have been forced to let go then you realize, how hard it can actually be to separate. It seems that spirit and body were never meant to say goodbye. When death takes its hold, you will fall to your knees. Your spirit will be catapulted from your mind and its page torn from existence. Be prepared to accept all it is you were and everything you did or did not do. Every piece of information you've ever known is gone. Emotion is all that remains. Di-methyl-tryptamine, or DMT, took me on this journey. There is nothing more definitive to my beliefs than my breakthrough on The Spirit Molecule.

My ideas of God, heaven, hell, the supernatural, death and life were all spoon fed to me since I was a child. Why wasn't I allowed to make my own conclusions? For that matter, when is the last time anybody has made any sort of conclusions? I struggled to believe in their god, but the book always ended up collecting dust. All I needed was an authentic personal experience with the divine. I decided not to waste my time. Putting all this on the back burner, along with some other variables, I grew into the teenager every parent feared. I remained in control enough to go to school and live with my parents, which is a relief. But my drug addiction brought my self-esteem and confidence to a crash.

Being who I am, even to this day, I had a hunger for greater understanding. I became a clandestine pharmacist, specializing in the use and modification of narcotics to escape the realities. Although I am not proud of that, it led me on the path which I met the entheogens, which means “generating the divine within”. Better known as psychedelics the entheogens worked differently than the drugs that destroy. Instead of being used to escape life they are used to offer new perspectives and in some cases fix problems. I had done my research and knew they offered a spiritual experience. Writings of profound and unimaginable experiences were scattered across the internet. Looking back and taking into consideration my relationship to religion and all that she had told me, no wonder I was drawn to these substances.

My first encounter was with Yopo, a snuff used in rituals for healing and purging by the shamans. The effects came on strong and overwhelming, a ringing sound arose alongside the intensity of the experience not unlike what you would hear in a quiet room. My world exploded with swirling patters. Millions of differences, rainbows dancing across my bed, colors hued the walls in unbelievable ways. I felt as if another dimension had spilled over into the current. As things intensified my body seemed to be made of lead. At that point I knew it was time to be cleansed. Purging releases all that is dark within, I knew this was a good thing. Making my way the short distance to the bathroom proved difficult but I had hope. I vomited, emotions released and I knew that the end would come as quick as it came so I thanked God as I knew him. Some how I kept a positive attitude through the whole experience. It was powerful but it was just a crumb compared to what was on my way.

After a period of very meticulous effort I came into possession of DMT, the most powerful psychedelic known to man. I had no idea what I was getting myself into. Experimenting and dabbling in the puddle gave me a sense of control, of security. But I couldn't understand the ocean of power I had yet to tap. Soon enough the time came for me to meet my maker. In preparation I would clean my room, make my bed, and relax my self. Deep down it seemed like I was preparing my own funeral. My ritualistic preparations were just makup on the dead man I was about to become. I sat cross legged on the colorful quilt that covered my bed. Opening the mason jar released the deep and strong smell that had long ago been seared into my memory. My DMT was white and fluffy, an extract I knew to be of high fidelity. Using a small knife I scooped my dose into the smoking device. I must have been bold that day o have dosed so high. My heart skipped a beat, immersed in a brief moment of fear. Reassuring myself of all the preparation I had put into this I lit my match. It burned it’s artificial fuel and then I brought the colorful glass water pipe to my lips. Inhaling the DMT quickly turned to oil, coming to life as it crackled under the intense heat. I forced myself to deny the fear I had experienced earlier and smoke as much as I possibly could. The taste in my mouth was unique and the smoke slightly numbed my mouth. I remember before I even took my last hit watching the smoke billow into elaborate patterns becoming more defined as it dissipated, and the flame seemed to dance more and more intelligently as DMT hyperspace unfolded quicker than it ever had before. My desire to go further than I ever had been drove me to take a final toke. Deep and true I held in the smoke as I laid my head down on the pillow. I exhaled prematurely, the smoke still thick. The escalation was stronger and faster than anything I had ever experienced. Panic set in, not only mentally but also physically. I knew my fight was futile, I had taken too much, but still I struggled for control. Breathing deep and heavy I tried to swallow the fear. I cried to God begging for this not to happen. Within seconds the experience escalated beyond my ability to speak or think coherently. There were beings admits the still three dimensional visuals. They ridiculed me for my ego, which had burned away with my fear seconds into the trip. Their spirits were angry, they were offended that I thought such power could be contained or that somehow I knew what to expect and could handle whatever was thrown my way. By now DMT had a firm grip on my spirit, and my departure from this existence was swift. In this place that makes a fourth dimension seem like a concept learned at birth I was hardly alone. I was taken into the presence of different beings embodied by the hallucinations which had now become my entire environment. The way in which I seen everything transform into the next, was in explainable. The colors were like nothing in my wildest dreams, but as real as anything I can see now. The hallucinogenic world where I encountered these spirits moved at such a pace that I never got the chance to be comfortable in it. And all the while I was afraid I had finally done myself in, never to return.

By the time I had the sense that I probably wasn’t dead I was on my way back. As things came down a notch I felt clueless as to what just happened. I pondered the feeling until I came to realise I had been tripping. Soon after I directed that feeling towards the self. Essentially wondering who I was. This is where I imagine my spirit coming into contact with my body, slowly sinking back into its host. A spark of familiarity flashed. I seen an image of a man, just like any other memory you would have. The person was my father, and what followed him was a stream of memories in which I found my identity. The memories overlaid the now diminishing hallucinations and I moved on to more important tasks of discovery. I felt myself, I was alien, made of a solid that melted to the touch. My teeth were like goo and everything felt wet even the visions. When I opened my eyes I was met with a familiar and yet extremely fascinating world. I was back in my room and it was breathing with color and exploding with activity. There were turning cogs of a complex system, maybe that which composes this existence. The beings were less interested in me now, they seemed to have accomplished their tasks and were now jumping about and moving with great agility to tie up the loose ends. My hands were those of an elf. They were perfect and my skin was unnaturally smooth. I was shaking uncontrollably, muttering, trying to say something that sounded familiar. I spit out a moan followed by “God!” and eventually piecing together “Oh my god what the hell just happened to me”. The whole experience lasted about an hour and ended with me laying in bed for another hour asking myself what just happened and what do I do next. My Spirit had just been literally reborn into my body, and I felt as if I had just seen God’s reflection.

Knowing how terrifying a journey it was I would've at the time argued it a “bad trip”, but it is one of the best things I have ever had the privilege of experiencing. Ever since that day I have had a solid belief in God and spirituality. I had the divine experience I was looking for. Now I know that I could never truly capture the supernatural with words, and I cannot believe anybody who tries to claim such simple knowledge of the afterlife our souls pass on to. For surely whatever it is, it will be incomprehensible. I find myself more interested in the pure un-biased side of spirituality. I feel unrestrained and free to explore my psychic tendencies. Making a connection to the other side doesn't seem so taboo. After analyzing this experience three years later I've taken from it new concepts and applied them to my life. DMT has effectively changed my life.

I wrote this for my first college essay paper, which explains some of the "well duh's!" in the first few paragraphs lol

I would like to thank all the scientists and people who have contributed to this website's wealth of step by step knowledge.

And I would like to double thank all the people who bring the great attitude with them to the discussion table here. The people who, even before I ever had my first taste of psychedelics, taught me that respect would play an important role in my journeys. Thank you for all of your experience reports for they sparked my interest and laid the foundation for what would someday shape my beliefs.

Much Love BB
Enjoy
Critique me since this is still in the rough draft stage

Great experience, thanks for posting it here. I really enjoyed every bit of it.