Hi Nexians

Sister had an interesting experience over the weekend. The 2nd such in her lifetime. Each time was the result of strong doses of psychedelics. This weekend it resulted from a cocktail, but have also experienced a similar state with 5Meo-dmt.

The state sister is referring to is pure bliss/ecstacy that eclipses everything else. The accompanying visual both times was white light, where she reached a state of almost intolerable bliss. A bliss so potent that that she felt threatened to core of her being. A bliss so potent that she recoiled in horror. The ultimate duality, bliss/horror. This bliss bears no relationship to what one feels doing mdma or other similar stimulants, this is several magnitudes greater and potentially completely completely overwhelming. All external awareness is lost.

Each time upon entering this indescribable state her initial reaction was to enjoy the state, bask in it, but both times she then realized the consequences of this state, the potential for addiction, a state so sublime one would willing throw ones life down the toilet to maintain/attain such a state, a virtual death.

The first time she experienced this on 5Meo-dmt her recoil from the bliss resulted in a hard core freak out where she threw her stash, lab and all paraphernalia in the fire. It seemed the only way of ensuring she was not subject to that temptation again. She since restocked 5Meo-dmt, but has never found the courage to venture in again.

This weekend she stumbled into this state again, quite by accident. It was the same initially, breathtaking appreciation of the plane she emerged on, almost disbelief that this is even possible, but then almost as quickly as the bliss came on it was followed by horror again. This time it took the form of being able to see the consequences of every action magnified all the way into infinity. Talk about a soul scarring revelation. She was on a dance floor this time and the state was fleeting so it didn't result in any rash behaviour. But it has given her cause for introspection. Its like having seen the seed of her destruction, completely unsettling. What a vulnerable feeling ... like seeing one's demise.

One of the things that has always appealed to sister about psychedelics is how non-addictive they seemed, but sister is not so certain anymore. Not at all. Feeling pretty shaken up right now, days later.

Anyways Sister is sure this has been experienced by others and is curious to know how they have gone about dealing with it, or integrating it, or modifying one approach to psychedelics.

You have a glimpse of the judgement to come. Now you have seen this light, you have a choice. To go forward or to turn away. Each will have profound consequences.


It is not really anything to fear. As long as you are on the right path: right action, right intention, right speech, so on and so forth.

Is it really soul scarring? In fact, this is the inevitable truth. It has been this way your whole life. So are you going to accept it is the way it is, or are you going to turn a blind eye and pretend you did not see that?

Personally I am living with the same experience, that same insight. And I know what path I have chosen. There are billions of people who share this insight and the majority did not reach it via entheogen use. Not everyone will choose the forward direction, and there will be a price to pay for failing to choose correctly, to say the least.

Is it really the seed of your destruction? Depending on how you choose, this could be the seed of your construction. Even the oldest of human beings is barely a fledgling. How many such seeds choose to die and wither off without even breaking through the ground and peering into the true life to come...

Ultimately you can look at this 'addiction' in many ways. Is it an addiction to ecstatic bliss? Or could it be an addiction to God?

Dr_Sister,

Where you are standing (figuratively, not so much literally) is at the precipice of a blooming level of conscious-awareness, that mystically-inclined seekers of spiritual reality, search for a whole lifetime. And how few of them achieve the results you have encountered on these two journeys!

It is both a Sacred gift and an indication that you have approached that difficult point in a human beings unfolding, whereby you are seeing the very source of all manifest being. I believe that we are all, essentially, beings created and sustained by this blinding white light. Eventfully, I am convinced that we all return wholly into this realm of light consciousness.

But despite the whiteness we perceive, it has nearly indescribably transparent characteristics, a clarity of effulgence which can be called nothing short of clear... hence the the Tibetan Buddhist descriptive, Clear Light of The Void. When perceived subjectively, it appears to radiate a blissful field of interconnection, one in which oneself is absorbed into it and dissolved within it's overwhelming oscillating vortex.

An energy that to my way of understanding things, most resembles love. Yet, it is a unique force of love, one that is perhaps best viewed through traditional religious cognition, as such a plane of awareness is considered Divine ecstasy or as an interphase, Sacred Union. Is there any ecstasy we humanoids can encounter more blissful? I feel that as long as we choose hold onto our individuality and familiar self parameters, the bliss is subjective and feels higher than the highest high. More euphoric than anything we can imagine or anticipate!

And sure, it is arguably one of the most terrifying transitions a person can make... surrendering to ego death and willing shift into immersion within said great light. It is quite common to fear such a degree of self dissolution, that one may actually die. Not just metaphorically, there is a significant amplification and a resultant shift in one's dreamscape of our own personal self... and the nature of reality at large. So powerful that a palpable fear organically arises to challenge our determined focus of concentration and centered clarity of our exploratory intentions.

This simply means you are paying attention and I feel it's an indication that you are going to encounter this white light again and again (and again). There is no sidestepping such a state of mind, as the only path around the intensity of the Sacred Fire is through (and beyond the membrane which keeps an individual from becoming too far gone from the familiarity of Egoself). This creates the panic that we may never return to the familiar. Self is perpetually blossoming phenomenon, so it really is not something to be too overly concerned with. We exist because we choose to exist. Sacred Medicines facilitate such intense and epic impressions.

I believe that many of us know from repeated experience, that we all come down from such peak experiences and no... we do not ever actually die materially, as the chemical stimulation eventually passes, leaving us to ground ourselves out and integrate the grand eclipsing. But if I could say anything meaningful or useful for your journey (blah, blah, blah ad infinitum), I would wholeheartedly say that when you next directly perceive of this almost indescribably brilliance of light, do so boldly, joyfully and fearlessly!

Not that words mean diddly-squat when you are being vibrated into billions of light particles/waves, by a force which seems by it's very nature to erase any existential separation from it's Omniscience (for it is like a vacuum and a source of profound Gnosis). And this must somehow, all balance within our minds, as our ordinary mentality is being ripped away at an alarming speed! We all are hardwired to pass thorough this energy portal and leave the darkness and terror behind us. An unpleasant illusion to dispel, surely, and learn to transcend fully...

"Let there be light." I am curiously fond of intentionally immersing my consciousness into it's mind-bogglingly, limitless radiance! I have come to believe that it is who you/I/we are... in our deepest core of being. The Advaitan Vedantists of ancient India referred to this aspect of a person's existential identity as Atman. Our direct interconnection with the Godhead. Tat Tvam Asi. Thou art That.

And I would venture to guess you are already well familiar with the term? Forgive me if I am seemingly getting all preachy or whatever kind of conceptual bullshit that people like myself enthusiastically express, whenever they theorize and/or hypothesize about the meaning of such profound spiritual experiences. But even so, most of us in the West have come equate Atman with the human Soul. Atman is divided into Jivatman and Paramatman. Egoself and Omniself. Physical self and wholly spiritual self, yet, they are one and the same, with different parameters and central fulcrums of reflection and identification.

So, I wont babble on-and-on about Yogic names or labels, when you a relating about your direct merging within the brilliance of the Grid of Universal Effulgence, the Eternal Flame. But I do applaud your admirable courage and wish you a joyous awakening within the often times, overwhelming power of the Light. Back in the 1970s and 1980s, I had the same initiation with large doses of remarkably clean LSD-25. One of my friends used to call me a "white light junkie." Guilty as charged.

I find this same great illumination from mescaline and psilocybin. But DMT seems to be the most intense Sacred Medicine to ignite this mind-shattering luminosity, before one's en-witnessing. Such effulgent epiphanies have launched a journey through meditation which has captivated me for nearly 40 years. Practicing awareness of the present moment is part and parcel to perceiving this Light of all lights. It is ideally seen as a 24/7 process, which is an ironic statement, admittedly... as the Inner Light is existent outside of the ramifications of the time-space-continuum. It exist inside of us and we inside of it. But there is but one moment and it is now.

I have never had the honor of experiencing 5Meo-DMT but from what fellow travelers have said, it is a skyrocket into the Clear Light of The Void. And I am curious what you mean by "cocktail"? A mixture of psychedelics? Which admixture? The monkey in me want s to know, as it is most intriguing to have such details.

Also, what are you hearing as this light grows stronger and stronger within the perceptual field of your mind's eye and ear? Can you share what sounds you received in conjunction with your white light experiences? I mean before the great silence and stillness which the Light is so linked with. Can you share some particulars? Please elucidate further, Sister.

Wow! ... ... Stunned! ...

Take joy in this experience that we've been gifted (physicality). Take joy in the fact that "It's all ok...it's alright.....all on course" Take joy in your birthright.

Awesome report Dr_Sister. I've been there too. Only twice out of hundreds of journeys. My best advice is knowing what you know...live your life to the best of your ability.....inside and outside.