But not this day at all.


3 tablespoons syrian rue tea.
Left to sit three weeks then filtered and boiled way down. From the first sip, I kinda sensed I was in for a powerful trip.

Unknown amount of freebase spice. (I got a big loooong hit)


Something came for me last nite y'all. And it came way too fucking close. The visions came on warm and complex but vague at first--I knew it was going to be something. Opening my eyes, my room was filling with that same stuff. Wiggling and noodling. My legs soon began to dissolve. "you are not that" I liked it at first, Though it was all a bit intense and discomfort was on me almost right away. I tried to move with it. Grooving with the visions and being fluid. "I am not this thing. The thing changes. I keep moving and going. I am not attatched to any of this." I was trying to appreciate a lesson and then things went to a deeper level. "You can transcend".

I was deep into it. My body was part of this hallucinatory landscape. Things were moving very fast, expecially considering that I took 3 grams rue tea a good 45 minutes before vaping. Deep into it. This pulse happens. I find it a bit unpleasant. Auditory, and also having effect of the visuals, this pulse unsettled. Tactile also, I felt this strange throb with my whole body. Alien. I did not like it. It happened again. Head pressure also. It got a lot worse. Don't ever touch...you snakey fucking devil things you.

Universe, do you want me? Here I am. HERE I AM.
Don't grab me where I live.

The pulse somehow got into mine. I tried to ignore it at first. Just a hallucination, it'll pass, don't dwell. But it was there. Got stronger. This wierd alien pulsereplacing or invading or perverting my own heartbeat. A great pressure briefly well up in my head, just after the pulse. Part of the pulse, a delayed bit.

I tried to Om my way through it. Terrified. My goddamned heart. Some mocking things may have happened up within the rapidly changing mish-mash of noodling jim-jam around me. Some of these mocking things would have held great horror perhaps, in another time, to another me. Really, the worst imaginable horror may have happened by and it would have been just part of the scenery. My heart and head were turning against me. Or turning strange. I still tried to Om. There was no safety anywhere. No thought that i could wrap around myself, nothing to depend on, no comfort anywhere.


Something very very alien. I felt I had an option to go with it. But it was not a light consideration. Death is one thing. This was death and utter transformation. The possibility of existing somewhere very different. Outside the Circles of Time. Dark Outre Cosmic Spheres. laws of psysics reverse. Inimical to all life.

i willed myself to move a bit. I wanted to get away from this threat, this experience, I knew I had gone too far. A terrible thirst came upon me. I managed to get a small sip. I was maybe searching for a grounding. out of hyperspace now, things were still very strange and I was tripping way hard. Freezing. I managed to make it to my bed, eventually figured out how to manage blankets. Circled up. Writhed around. Tried to be still, wrap myself around the tiny bit of warmth within me.



It began to dawn on me that what just happened may have been an actual attack. Subtle. Sly. I never saw it coming, not until it literally had me by the heart. Out Demons, Out!


I said out. You don't get this one.

Eventually I built my warmth back up. My heart racing one minute, then slowing way down the next. Is that why I got so cold? After the alien pulse tried to steal me away from this dimension via my heart, my heart reacted by slowing down to almost death? My light got dim for a second boys and girls. No more me


Nice fucking try!


Eventually I was able to move about again. Still tripping way hard. This godawful sensation passed through my brain inside my head. Hyper warp I called it. Not good. Not wholesome.


I aint going to that crazy place. And I aint dying. I'm a fucking rock. I will always be here.

Rock beneath me
Sky inside me
Fire within me
Ocean flow through me
spirit all around

thank you


I love being alive
and always getting another try
and extra helpings of pie would be nice too
if you could kick me down a lil suthin suthin every now and then
near catastrophe
severe trauma
we fear he may never be the same again
fine
and haha
hardy har har


Well, let's not dwell over much, it's a beautiful day today. My heart is playing that good ol' 4 on the floor, let's git it on groove again. One thing, I looked at a clock at one point--I'm out of the terror, walking around, writing in my notebook, and singing to myself and I see a clock--3 hours later I was still tripping way hard.


Thank you

Gotta love those experiences

Sometimes it's just downright weird. Glad to see you fought the battle uphill and won.

How many grams of rue tea did you consume?

Hardy har har indeed. I sometimes find the working of the universe to be rather comical after coming back from such serious experiences. I laugh at the many flaws of our planet, most of them caused by us humans.

I can't help but be joyful and sad at the same time.

Sad that everyone in the world could be living life in such ways, but instead they fear "frying" their brains.


I'm glad you were able to have that experience, though it was apparently quite terrifying to you, feeling death is an important one. Not many people do that and then get to write a report about it. Most of those reports turn into books now that I think of it.


Write a book.


I love you.

Thank you both. It was 3 grams of rue.





Kay I could use some sun. Smile y'all, life is good.

Yeah man I hear you totally ,
There are some very very alien things in there
That don't really care about us . They want what they want
The deeper we get in the more of a grip they seem to get on us .

I don't care what anybody says there is a point where it is
Simply not good . I've been there .

The mushroom is starting to teach.me how to deal with
This kind of thing . It seems to be teaching me how to chant
As a way to combat these dark forces .
Shamanism is the key to strength .
Be strong .

Thank you. And I am strong. I am still here. Like I said though man, there was a point where I tried to Om, I tried to remember my medicine songs, I tried to look for anything in the universe, anything within my mind that could provide comfort, get my heart beat back to a regular rhythm and there was nothing. It was just me. Still in hyperspace I barely managed to grasp my glass of water--a tiny bit of grounding that helped pulled me out just far enough that I was able to start fighting through it.

Did I mention that this lasted for hours? I kept hearing words like "tragic"... "severe and catastrophic trauma".



I am not out of the cosmic game in anyway, I am not turning back on this type of work. I'll trip again. But I won't leave myself vulnerable.

Anyway, I've been talking and writing and posting about this all day. Enough.

Welcome 'home'

Ugh, I hate that negative, posessive graspy energy that ocassionally tries to sink me on my voyages. It is easy when not in the grasp to think, "no big deal, just observe it" - but you are not an observer, you are becoming a victim, infected by that negativity, corrupted. It's what they want. Who are they? Nexus needs to gang up on them and give them a good kicking. Maybe we should have an SHE with the intention of a hyperspace lynch crew to thin out the population of negative entities? I still think more work needs doing on dealing effectively with these types of experiences...

Glad you're ok though, those sorts of journeys are far from pleasant.

They are nobody but your own Karma.

Peace

THIS

So in retrospect...that was exactly the kick-start that my heart needed.


Outre` Deamon attempting to pull me away from this universe, my own "karma", or the hand of god cleverly disguised as an enemy, an overloaded chakra, or merely my own subconscious will asserting itself in surprising manner--whatever you is, Thank You.


I still am very curious about the actual physical effects--my heart really did pulse to an odd rhythm, felt like it was being bend/crushed just a bit, and ached for a day afterwards and to me.

My own emotional reactions should be of little interest--what my physical, blood pumping heart went through however is of great medical interest.

BTW I got a whole lot of excersise since then, spent a day running, dancing, swimming, on friday, just a day and a half after the trip. Also ate acid and danced all yesterday. My heart is just fine.