An amazing experience with a combo of pharmahuasca and vaped freebase, that I just had to share. Turned out to be way more than I expected. I’ve skipped the hours spent on dissolved gulps of oral Fumarate and Harmala, to where things get interesting.

'...the leftovers in the pipe would last me the rest of the evening, for five or six vape sessions, even though the material must have been 2-3 years old just sitting inside a taped up pipe.

I started up the blowtorch, unfamiliar with the controls. In the past it had taken a minute or two to get some action happening inside the pipe using a candle, and it had been awkward; this probably accounted for the dose build up that remained inside. With the torch it takes under twenty seconds to start vapour rolling thickly in the bulb.

I saw that I didn’t need to take a massive hit, so thick and plentiful was the vapour. Starting to pull quickly, taking a good lungful of the stuff, I try to figure out how to turn off the blowtorch and realise as everything starts to get weird that there is no off switch! The crackling lights are splattering across my vision, everything in the room rustling and creeping into life, and ringing bells are filling my head as my fingers and body turn to mushy-liquid, strange organic sounds bubbling up from within while I struggle to keep my awareness just long enough to turn down the gas flow on the torch and set it down to peter out where it won’t burn everything, before collapsing into the pillows.
Unfolding patterns within patterns abounded, and this oddly organic curtain creature, like a peach-pink jellyfish, was swimming slowly in front of me. Hundreds of eyes emerged from its body and disappeared back into the folds. Its form was graceful, geometric and VR-contoured, like a digital-organic thing. It seemed neutral, and we watched each other for a while. The organic theme began to develop, with goopy bits dripping here and there, a few teeth thrown in, and veiny, webbed skin stretching about. All the older people I had been spending time with recently had seeped into my unconscious in such an invasive way. It was kind of gross, the haunting spectre of Aged flesh, and I opened my eyes briefly to dispel the goopiness, but when I closed my eyes again, the whole thing was gone, with only mild patterns and shapes remaining. Due to the Harmalas, the experience was much prolonged, and instead of returning to a baseline fairly rapidly I sat tripping (without the intensity of vastly intricate and unique CEVs, entities etc.) and reflecting, feeling the numinousness of being, for about 30-40 minutes. My thoughts all happened at once, with one track focusing on the wonderful ambient music, five or six tracks thinking different lines of thought (one about life, one about memories, one about desire, one reflecting on recent events, one planning), one track immersed in the sensation of rubbing a fluffy blanket across my torso. The tracks occurred alongside each other simultaneously, as if I were many minds, and then overlapped and folded into each other into a way I couldn’t comprehend. I wondered if they were real thoughts or just hallucinations of thoughts.

It blew my mind. The initial blast off was accompanied by the familiar terror of ‘What in God’s name have I done to myself? Will I ever return?’ but this was brief and never appeared again. By the time the night was finished I felt that I could happily carry on this learning/healing/being for hours and hours, and that I had become adept at the art, with no inhibitions or negativity at all. After the CEVs calmed down I found myself directly facing the centre of the big purple Celtic knot throw on my wall. It morphed into thousands of kaleidoscopic permutations before my eyes. I couldn’t understand how this was happening, trying to decipher its mechanism, how it was possible for something to move like that in perception. The whole thing was breathing and shifting to the point that I thought ‘Well, I’m going to have to put that back afterwards now, what a mess.’ At some point the shocking and pleasing revelation hit that it had never changed at all, that the pattern had always been perfectly the same, but I had just seen it in a thousand different ways. I knew that my friends had always been all around me, but that I had just seen them and myself in different ways, and withdrawn like a hermit crab into a dark shell.

Over 30-40 minutes I came back to feeling that I was tripping rather nicely, but back in the world again, and in comparison to what had just happened, fairly lucid. Time to go again! Good lord. I was transported to some kind of sunny Indian riverbank, where I met the Jelly-Elephant ladies. They were so lovely, a mix of the Jellyfish-curtain creature from earlier with mammalian, elephantine elements. Just on the other side of the river, they strolled/flowed slowly together along the bank, meeting my gaze with their lovely, deep brown eyes. The lashes were long and feminine, such delicate creatures. They communicated knowing with their kind eyes, sharing my thoughts as we met through consciousness. ‘So lovely to meet you, on such a perfect day. Such lovely creatures. Oh, yes, and so lovely to meet you, so very beautiful.’ We were both aware of the utopian setting and mind state, and the special pleasure of the friendly, passing encounter. The river flowed so lazily from a quiet lake, and the sun was bright, the air was fresh. I was reclining on a lawn, and all was serene and calm, perfectly graceful.

Other launches followed, but none left such a strong impression as this one. After this experience, I contemplated while facing the shifting mandala/Celtic knot and got surprised again. Insight into some kind of Freudian developmental baggage/hurt I had been carrying about with me. Where the hell did that come from? ‘What is it with this stuff?’ I thought afterwards, ‘Every time I think I know it, it goes beyond itself twice again. Just when you thought the show was over – some kind of deep, therapeutic personal breakthrough into my relationship with my family, and my cynical change in attitude following my parent’s divorce. Wow.’ ‘How can this stuff be illegal?’ I thought, ‘It doesn’t even make sense. Why on earth would someone make this restricted, when there is so much cosmic goodness packed into a few hours? It’s absurd.’

The basic idea was that the reason I don’t remember much of my childhood before the divorce, and the reason I seemed to withdraw from my family – especially my father and mother – was because the divorce (I was young) lead to a change in world-view or beliefs. The details are personal, but it had made me turn colder towards them, trying to stay involved, but not really feeling it as freely or lovingly as I should have done. Not seeing them as often as I could have done, or being with them in the way I should have done. I thought about mum and dad then, and how much I loved them – how much I had loved them when they were together, and how happy and safe, and right it had been. I remembered how deep those connections went and how much they meant to me. Couldnt believe I'd moved so far away from them in my head. I resolved to give them all a massive hug next time we met, and soon, and to tell them unabashedly how much they meant to me, and play games with them. A group hug is definitely on the cards as well. I have to make sure I don’t forget this insight and just go back to the old ways afterwards, there has to be a lasting change, a reintegration for all of us.

After this insight, I spent some time re-gathering myself, feeling the emotion. Mind-blown again. Sooner or later I found myself begin to grow more lucid, that I had processed this, and launched some more times.
There were rooms of height with multi-coloured patterned ceilings. After the CEVs I went upside down, seeing the actual room anew for the first time as a kind of trip-heaven, filled with weird dangly bits and so many bright colours, spirals, stripes, perfect music, and realised why I must have built it this way. Once I found myself upside down, having crawled there after a launch, in with all the pillows and furry blankets after having some kind of sensation orgy with a sense of many female entities joining in the stroking and softness. How can someone love so much without having anyone to show it to? Why is there a barrier stopping my love from going into the world? I’m filled with love and no-one knows! What a fool I am.

As the number of launches progressed, the returns to more lucid trip-background-awareness quickened, and the more tired I began to feel. The last launch was spent relaxing and luxuriating in tranquil belonging and comfort. Around seven hours from initiation, I started to feel that no new insights were coming up, that I was losing energy somewhat and noticed the slight irritation in the frontal lobes that accompanies fatigue. The psychological weariness after such a trek may have combined with Harmala action dropping off, or DMT tolerance developing, not sure.

I started to come back, thinking over the wonderful things I had experienced in only a few hours. I went out on the balcony with a sun lounger and looked at the night sky, the constellations, satellites, shooting stars, ghostly quiet birds, planes. The description here doesn’t really do justice to how wonderful the entire evening was, and how splendidly surprised I was at the ease of everything afforded by the Harmala.

Thanks once again so much for making all this and more possible, Nexus! I love the way that these experiences unlock new awareness that in turn affects the way we live our lives and interact with each other and the world. Can’t wait to do more with this combination and technique.

Technical stuff

I'm a 70kg experienced male, who spent a day relaxing and lazing in preparation, posing a couple of questions about life beforehand. I took the day after the experience to write up and think about it all.

I had 200mg harmala salt extract from Syrian Rue with 100mg DMT fumarate to start with, dissolved in water.
250mg harmala salt and 100mg DMT fumarate at T+1.5 (oral)
Then started to vapourise 2-3 yr old freebase DMT pipe leftovers at T+3.

Experience moved into come-down phase at T+7, baseline not reached before sleep. Slight hangover feeling the next day (harmalas?) plus fatigue, only relatively subtle afterglow. One of the big experiences because of the richness of sensation and insight that emerged.