Ok, well in creating my new machine I out-did myself a bit and got surprised by how much more DMT I got in a single hit than ever before. I wrote about it in the smoking section, but I wanted to post the experience here. I can't give an accurate dosage because I was too impatient to measure it when modding the machine. I took one lungful, and for the first time I was unable to put my machine back on the floor before I was overwhelmed by subjective effects.

Well, first of all, I think there were some similarities between this trip and another I've had before, except I didn't even remember that part last time, but now that I've had this experience I know at least part of them were in it. Let me add that this was in my room, lying on my bed, in close to total darkness and silence. This was a bad idea and I'll explain in a moment why, if you're not sure already.

I'm not entirely sure how it started out, but I remember that throughout the experience that sight, sound, and touch were all being utilized. There were occasional transitions of what seemed like I was moving around or at least orienting my body in a different direction towards the gravitational field. At first it felt fairly familiar in a sense, there were extremely stimulating series of images, videos would be more accurate, that unfolded before me. It's difficult to describe what any of them looked like. I recall a few though. One was of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, which actually appeared more than once, that seemed to shift into a strange pattern of rainbow colors that I can't remember clearly. This actually happened a number of times and during each of these times I was hearing the same sounds, which sounded like speech but nothing I could understand. They felt like they were saying (Oh, so you're trying to escape from this? No, you can't). Sometimes the scenes would unfold slowly and sometimes they would unfold to rapidly for me to keep track of.

At some point, things seemed to get rather out of control. I felt like I was receiving messages that were making the point that I was a feeble-minded being that was completely incapable of communicating or understanding with whatever was sending the messages. To make this point, I felt like a rapid and repetitive series of sensory information was being given to my mind that it couldn't process very well. Whenever I felt like I had gotten a grasp of what was being sent there was always something new. One I can mention that stands out was after what seemed like a fairly intense visual experience that I had acclimated to had gone on, there was what seemed like an attack on my sense of touch, or perhaps multiple senses at the same time. I could have sworn I heard something telling me that it could attack me in more way than I could comprehend and I was completely defenseless. Now, it wasn't really an attack, so much as it felt like a taunt. I was never in any intense pain, this perception of touch actually felt more like seduction. It was almost as if something were messing with me just enough to prove that I couldn't resist it messing with me, but not so far as to really harm me. I remember right after one particularly annoying strange sensation/idea I heard "Yeah, that just happened." I felt a little annoyed that it kept acting so condescending, as if I had intentionally tried to communicate with some being, confident that I could, and had failed. I really had no intention of doing that, I was interested most in exploring and understanding my own mind more than anything else. I suppose I could theorize that I was, in fact, delving into the depths of my unconscious and my unconscious didn't like the intrusion!

This lasted long enough that I started to worry that by smoking too much DMT I had actually destroyed the universe it now had to reform into something else just to remain stable. I can't say that didn't happen, but hey, it seems pretty similar as I'm writing this. Anyway, I think the most uncomfortable part of the trip was when I tried to do something to resist what was happening. I was mildly uncomfortable with some of the sensations that I felt, so I wanted to open my eyes and feel a little bit of a reality check. Unfortunately, I had forgotten that I was in total darkness, so even when I felt that I had opened my eyes, I kept seeing and feeling exactly the same thing. This was probably the most mentally difficult part of the trip. This was when I felt a bit worried that I had done something that had seriously negatively impacted reality. I could hear myself or feel myself breathing too at this point, but still didn't feel like I could be sure I still existed or if those were just mental residues of my old life. It's difficult to describe how sensations felt at this time. I may have been getting my senses mixed up (synysthesia) but they were so thoroughly blended that it was difficult to tell what was coming from where. I didn't like that there seemed to be no way to get any feedback from what I considered reality. I am definitely not going to try any intense trips in darkness+silence for a while.

One part I remember was during the peanut butter and jelly sandwich phase. I actually understood words that were being said "He keeps forgetting." It was almost as if that rainbow peanut butter jelly jibberish-sound phase had some sort of meaning or significance, but it passed by so rapidly that it never stuck.

In a later part of the trip I kept getting what I felt like a message that I shouldn't wake anyone up, and that if I smoked DMT and someone stumbled upon me there would be extremely negative consequences. I got that message in a way as an indication that the universe was trying to re-form itself. I suppose that there would be negative karmic consequences for my foolishness and I kept getting the idea that someone was going to stumble upon me doing something terrible that I hadn't actually done. I remember going through a slightly repetitive series of creating a believable reaction of what I would look like if I were found innocent. I felt it was pretty hard to do, since I felt aware that I was going to be caught doing something, even if I were innocent of whatever it was. I kept doing that for a little while without ever having come up with anything very successful.

At some point I felt like I was being told that it was too late, I had already done whatever it was I did and I had to deal with the consequences. It felt a bit like it was telling me that it really wasn't that bad, and that I should just get over it. This may have been the very fact of smoking the DMT and trying to resist the effects part way through.

Eventually, I managed to see my room again, at least a bit. I stumbled a bit over to the light switch and found it somewhat difficult to focus on anything in the room, as though my peripheral vision was completely gone and I could only see fragments, and the entire vision was fading away at any given moment. I just stood for a while, orienting myself, waiting for time to pass, assessing what might have happened to the universe while it seemed to have been destroyed and been recreated. Everything felt very fluid for a little while. Eventually I felt a kind of bliss that the universe seemed to be normal again, that everything was exactly what it had been. I felt kind of like waking up and thinking "I am alive. The universe exists. I have the ability to do anything I choose. This is the most amazing gift I could ever have." It felt kind of like, while I was on DMT, that I was trying to find some kind of perfect state of reality, only to wake up and see that reality is basically everything I want already, maybe just not as fast as I want, but probably as fast as I can handle right now. I was happy. I got half of a delicious cupcake out of the fridge and ate it. I ate some popcorn. I told myself that I didn't need to worry too much if the universe had ceased to exist and reformed. It didn't seem too important. I was going to be happy no matter what happened.

Anyway, not sure how long the whole thing lasted. I think next time I take any significant dose I'm going to sit at my desk, with a digital clock in front of me, in the light, and maybe with some, mild, quiet music. I'll be interested in how that works as I've only been lying down, closing my eyes, possibly with something over my eyes if it wasn't dark, since I haven't managed to get a large dose in before this, it really helped amplify the subjective effects.

Anyway, I'll be sure to chime in again.

Amazing stuff!! Thanks for the report.
I have wondered that myself. If you have no light in a room. What happens when you want light? someone else mentioned that they had to run to the bathroom to get sick and it was in darkness. Seems a bit dangerous. I always try to have like a lava lamp on or some sort of light somewhere. It is sort of comforting to see that light when you come back after a shattering experience (one would think). Maybe have "the clapper" hooked up so you can clap on the lights!

lol, the clapper is a good idea, but I'm not sure I had sufficient control over my body or muscles to clap at the time! It was actually an effort just to open my eyes or breathe.

I think what might have been okay is if I just had something over my head to create the darkness, like a pillow or blankets, so I just sit up to get them off. I just have to hope that sitting up would be easy enough!

Yup. The sleeping blindfold seems best, then just pull it off. But having even a night light at the wall plug is a good idea too.

I've been taking periodic, small hits to start to acclimate myself into something deeper, and I remembered something I have thought about in the past, and definitely during the experienced I described.

In a way, all of reality is an extremely elaborate game of "find the thing" and "hide the thing". If you have everything you want, the universe stagnates, so inevitably you start to want to hide things from yourself, just to put some variety in life. Eventually you want them back, and so end up in what seems like an endless cycle.

Reality is really just what seems to be the most pleasant balance between finding things and losing things over time, in different amounts, for all perspectives, that can remain stable or even progress.

Anyway, I hope to get used to these subjective effects enough that I'll be able to appreciate a more intense trip.

I remembered something else while falling asleep earlier. I'm pretty sure that for a large part of the visuals, I was overwhelmed a bit that I tried not to pay attention to them. I don't think I was very aware of it, but I think I was just trying not to focus my attention on any of the sensory information that was being put before me.

In fact, I'd say that might have been what part of that whole 'attack' might have been. I kept managing to ignore what was going on, and each time the sensory information would have to change to something new to grab my attention again.

That darn peanut butter and jelly sandwich must have been an effective one. I'm pretty sure I always had the stupid reflex "oh hey, a peanut butter and jelly sandwich, what could be more normal and safe than that? this seems fine to look at" and then BAM crazy visuals and sense-data.

I also recall around that time understanding some of the gibberish speech a little bit. It felt like there was a thought process or communication that went something like this. Hopeful/excited-sounding-tone: "Oh, could this really be a *blahbaijdsfk*?" Disappointed-tone:"No... then we'd have a *balderinfdjadslfk*...."

I'll report back if I ever remember more.