The first time I smoked it was still the most intense experience--a total emergency with no way to communicate that I needed help. There was no time to feel anything but terror. Pure voltage. Merciless. Machinic. It backed off a little and my first coherent thought was that I must’ve taken too much. Nobody could be expected to outlive this. I must be dying. Even if I returned, I would spend the rest of my life in a drool bib. I was nauseous from the amount of information I was experiencing. Then I saw a flash of something I later described to friends as “a kind of Pac-Man grid”. I didn’t want to believe that even pressed against the limit I’d just escaped, my stupid ego was not only intact, but generating random pop culture references, presumably as a kind of pitiful attempt to defend itself. The grid was so austere compared to the outlandish/garish beauty of the other perpetually novel neon visuals that it was difficult to accept the ‘message’ that came with it, which was that this grid is important, integral. For a moment I even felt a little disappointed by this, but before I could formulate the “That’s it?” I was overcome by a totalizing wave of transcendent euphoria. Indescribable Joy. I unclenched my hands. My nails had left deep marks in my palm, but I was okay otherwise.
The other four times I've done it have been far less profoundly disorienting, but also less rewarding. A couple of days after my first experience, I was googling “ayahuasca” and ran across some images of Shipibo textile patterns. There it was. I looked at the grid and felt a creepy kind of recognition without familiarity. I spent a couple of weeks a little spooked by the whole experience--like I was in danger of falling back into that space if my attention lapsed. It was around that time that I found this site. Oh, and I also wanted to say how grateful I am that you guys were out there and how totally helpful and reassuring it was to browse through all of your posts during that truly bewildering time. Thank you, thank you, thank you, Nexians!

Hehehe. I sure do know the feeling of "yep u had to take it that next level didn't ya! Now your about to die! Bravo!"

Thanks for sharing your experience, might just blast off now!

Yeah, I've seen those shibipo patterns in my experiences too. Also lately whenever I've taken larger doses than normal, I get a brief burst of nausea for like 10-15 seconds, but I've never puked from it. With ayahuasca and pharma on the other hand...well that's a different story. I actually plan on doing pharma with my brother and a close friend today. They're the first ones out of anyone I know who are willing and in my opinion prepared (....well as prepared as anyone who's never done it can be). I've always gone it alone, but I think it will be interesting to have the shared experience as well.

Whoa. I heard some seasoned professionals speaking in low tones about pharma on psychedelic salon. I'm already using my low tones for regular old DMT, so I can't even imagine what that must be like... Take care!

OOooh! I like this!!