Quote:I felt so alone. every person i ever knew was just an extension of my own mind. i felt like this knowledge could not be unlearned. i could do whatever i wanted with reality and all i wanted was to go back to the way things were. i decided to try to put things back together and i recreated everything exactly as it had been.
around this time i was beginning to come back and i was having a lot of trouble convincing myself that this was not the world i had created. i discussed my trip with a close friend and repeatedly had to ask him if everything was still real. i felt off for several days after and still thought that life might just be a distraction i had created to keep myself company. i eventually got over the feeling and got on with my life but this event shook me up a bit to say the least.
That's exactly how I felt returning from my first salvia breakthrough. The notion that this life was a distraction from some other deeper more real place, was very strong in the trip. I came back and and for the next few days just looked at everything, trees, music, history, as things I had unknowingly created to communicate with myself, to stay down in a rabbit hole and not face the true bright colors of the infinite. As if I could live again and again, in this struggle (life), and go on as long as I wanted 'sleeping'. But it disturbed me greatly, shook me to my core.
It's still hard to fathom it, in the same way I felt it. Like trying to re-imagine an experience, it's just not full. I try, but I know, that the feeling of this all being a distraction, was so thoroughly real.
My ego is insane, but I'm alright
The path of excess leads to the palace of wisdom. -William Blake
Lavos is a fictional character, a dream inside a dream. Don't take what he says to be true or representational of reality in any known form. He is inspired by pure fantasy.