Disclaimer: This is my lengthy goodbye post, only read if you're wondering why I'm leaving the DMT-Nexus for good.


After I was banned from the chat I realized I am not welcome, nor do I belong here any more.

Earlier I was trying to talk to people about how I can remember every aspect of my journeys,
only to get told that this isn't possible, and that I'm making it all up.

Wow, what a lovely open minded attitude!

I've realized I'm a bit of an anomaly. I'm not like you all. I only stayed around because I wanted to connect with like minded people, but honestly even after a while I began to feel very very alone and alienated, even here on the DMT-Nexus.

It's true. I can tap into every synesthetic sense I have stored in my memory banks from hyperspace, and not only that, I am reminded of them hundreds, maybe thousands of times a day...because everything ties in with hyperspace. Every eye, every emotion, every possibility, every flower, every starshine, etc.

I would love nothing more than to forget about it all, but we've been over this. It's impossible. And I'm not getting a lobotomy.
Sometimes it's too much to deal with, but guess what, this is what I asked for! Literally! What a stupid and foolish thing to do...
So I've decided the only way I'm ever going to metaprogram back into real life is by forgetting I even did any of this.

The mods won't even let me delete my own posts. So keep them. Not like they matter...they just hold the other 99% of this place together.
Like little symbolic mycelium cells holding together a hub of illusion.




I'll probably get flamed for this post. Y'all are sick of how I am and I'm over taking your flack just for being me.
I tried really hard to change. For years. Just didn't happen, therefore I'm done trying.
There was only that illusive entheogenic moment where I was all, then it wore off, and I was me again. Me with the memories of what's behind the curtain. What's inside the box.

Many of you wonder why I'm rude. I'm not rude for no reason! If someones saying something stupid, I tell them. Truly sorry to have tainted your arena with my blunt attitude. I only wanted this place to have a higher awareness. Yeah I got a little upset because I've just been watching it go down hill for months, now.
It's a never ending cycle but now I'm done. Banned. Problem solved!




Hey, nice to exchange words with all you seekers. Bye!

I find it funny how people are openly racist in the chat, their not banned. People deface other's religions, their not banned. But if your harsh to people who say ignorant things, oh heavens no!

Well House, it's been one hell of a journey my brother. You've taught me a shit ton, and who else could tap into my trip when the fear over-whelmed me and show me the Stone-Throne. I'll never forget that, it was possibly the most powerful vision I've ever had, ever.

Everyone's stuck in their reality tunnel's I guess. But hell there's a dmt-nexus face-book page now, so things must have changed.

Ya know, I'm not gonna throw you much advice on your life or the whole hyper-space haunting's you suffer from my friend. I just know that all the time's you've courageously thrown yourself out into the abyss of knowledge and self(withinity ), you came back here("reality". I know whatever challenges your up against on your way, you can face them hopefully as effortlessly as possible.

Yea if you find a safe-haven for people to share who they are, and where people don't ban you for when you call out an open racist who said something un-educated about something they knew nothing about, please let me know. This DMT boat is obviously sinking. You got my shroomery account, feel free to hit me up any time.

It's been fun. Be good Family.

Hope this gets you the attention you obviously crave and will do anything to get. Bet we'll see you again sooner than later.

-spiceworm

P.S.: Childish PMs full of vitriol (just guessing) are routinely deleted without being read. Please make note.

Lets just try to keep our posts as positive as possible here, please, please, please..there is alot that house has contributed to this forum in his time here..and lets try to remember that..

Best of luck with whatever you go on to do house...

"Lives are like rivers, eventaully they go where they must, not where we want them to"..

I hope this isnt the last time I get to talk to you as well myd..

You will be missed my friend. Some day some where all our paths will cross again. You did not choose this journey house. This journey chose you. All of us. The paths we follow in this life are not our own, they are paved for us to discover something we hold. I love you for the human you are. Take care and be well my friend.

House.

Im pretty new here but I have found many of your posts replete with alot of sense and invaluable insights and sometimes your forthright replies are most refreshing.

I can understand much of what you said in your cautionary tale posted as the warning from someone who has taken alot of DMT.I appreciate why it would be advisable for you to 'take a break' from it all-but I hope this isnt a permanent condition.For some people too much time spent in 'hyperspace' will cause more negative conclusions than positives-and we each have our own threshold for what is too much time.

I guess this relects that DMT, like all drugs, can certainly be mis-used.

The way you perceive how all relates to hyperspace is a prison partly of your own making and has NO true bearing on the ultimate reality which is actually unknowable.If you had ,for example, pushed yourself with prolonged uss of ,say, ketamine, you may well have perceived hyperspace as just a small part of the unknowable rather than something so intricately linked to everything.Different gear, different fear!!

I wish you all the best for the future.

In some ways, I think its right that your generally excellent posts remain.You may benefit from reviewing these some years down the line when the immediacy of your present predicament fades a touch.

Once again, best wishes.

Please don't leave, all perspectives are valid. Running away from things will never solve your problems, and not facing up to that which confronts you, retards your spiritual growth.

Never be afraid to express yourself. Speak without fear of ridicule or condemnation! You are who you are. Fuck everyone else and whatever bullshit is about them that they try to reflect upon you. Your experiences are unique, and equally valid as anyone elses.

Celebrate that.

Much love and respect, and the hopes of continuing to read your unique and valid expression of life.

Namaste,

Saidin

You cannot forget what you have undergone so dont waste your time. Trust me I have tired.

As far as shooting straight. When I was in the abbey one of the practices there was to speak truth regardless of consequences. It was difficult at first to have someone point out something in you that ran contrary to what you perceived in yourself. We instinctively react negatively to someone who shakes the foundation of our reality. After awhile I came to cherish the truth. When I left the abbey I carried this into the world but it was not met with the same reaction. People balked at such straightforward statements. I learned that for normal people a straight shooter response instinctively causes people to put up their mental defenses. They are far less willing to hear your view as they perceive you as an aggressor. A more indirect approach with a little compassion gets through far more effectively than a blunt to the point statement.

So you must ask yourself the question, What is your motive. If you are truly trying to get through to the the other person or is it for self glory.

Let us practice what we preach. A enlightened being is not filled with hate nor does he seek to instill it in others. There is no place in the mind for hate where there is peace and joy. Even to those who make false or misleading statements, we must strive to understand the reasons as to why they do this as humans do nothing without reason. And in the process of correcting their erroneous views let us show compassion for we have all made this error.

When I chose to take up this method I found that by living an personifying that which I preached others came to me seeking understanding. When one walks through life at peace and with joy in his heart others can see it and they desire to learn what brings about this state of being. You do not have to tell them they simply ask. They want to know and listen receptively as unlike other gurus or spiritual individuals you are not perceived as a opponent that seeks to destroy the foundation of their reality. You are simply offering up to them a better reality if they are willing to take it.

Have compassion for your fellow brothers on their spiritual path and forgive their transgressions as you yourself have strayed from the path many times, we all have. A friendly hand offered to help another will be well received as opposed to a harsh tug. Peace be with you my brother and do not regret your journeys in time you will learn to cherish your hard lessons as much as your greatest achievements. They serve you well my friend as I have learned far more from my failures and weaknesses than I have ever learned from my successes. With a easy victory there is a glimmer of luck. When one fails in any aspect he is forced to analyze it in depth to find the flaw and in doing so he learns more than he would otherwise. Learning to convey that which you know to others is as important as the message itself failure to do so effectively means it will fall on deaf ears and yield nothing.

I think a long break will do him well. Focus on the mundane; get some balance. Then, maybe you will re-submerge one day.

Thanks for your book, House. And watch Lain.

To get this into perspective I'll give my view on all what happened.

In the past you were a very contributive and positive person. You did a lot of important things here and you seem to enjoy it. Then at some point in time something happened to you, it wasn't something good and it seemingly left you with a very bitter taste of life. Your bitterness slowly crept into your posts and also in your behavior in the chat, you became more and more bitter.

You started calling people names, made quite a few posts with a "this is how it is and I don't care if you think otherwise" attitude while new people were greeted with your new anger and an increasing dark side. This was also noticed by the other mods. Because of the fact that you had a hard time we gave you the benefit of the doubt and you got away pretty ease with it all.

Unfortunately, even after a few private chat sessions between you and me, you seem to fall back more and more into an aggressive bully. I'm a very patient and forgiving person but even with me you can reach a saturation point.

Then to your chat ban. Yesterday in the chat there was a user named "manic venus" or something like that name. This user was behaving aggressive and was calling names. Because that kind of attitude is not wanted I banned this user from the chat. Only later, when you contacted me, I found out this was you.

We had a short talk about deleting all your posts on the forum. In the past you did a nice job with already deleting loads of posts only to agree later on to revert them back. Because deleting all your post would cripple the forum and me not feeling like retrieving all those posts again I took away your rights to delete or change your posts.

As for now you are still welcome if you change your behavior and leave out the anger. After all, only your alter ego was banned for about 20 minutes from the chat while the forum is still open for you (minus the edit/delete options of course).


Kind regards,

The Traveler

Hope you're feeling better soon, Hut. I've enjoyed your posts for a long time and have nothing but warm feelings for you and I thank you for sharing your knowledge and company.

I'm sad to agree that you seem to have succumbed to an overly bitter and defensive thought pattern recently... this may make people groan because I recommend this often, but a bit of reading up on cognitive behavioural therapy in the book "Feeling Good: The New Mood Therapy" by David D.Burns MD did wonders to help me correct the negative filter that I had been putting on my own sensory input for most of my life. I'm hoping you'll read that, then come back and say hello sometime when you're ready...

The internet is great but too much of it is not a good thing- there's a link between too much internet use and depression, although I'm not sure which way round it goes. I expect the same go for overuse of anything, and vaped DMT is so powerful that I do think people should indeed be wary of using it too often. Dreamer only recommends ayawaska to people to be safe because he's wary that vaped DMT could be too intense for some. Like you he feels like he doesn't really need psychoactives at the moment because 'reality is trippy enough' (in a good way for him though!).

Pleasae don't feel persecuted, I don't mind that you regret having discovered DMT and I doubt many people really do either (even if I agree sometimes it can get a bit culty on here about DMT, although I see that more as enthusiasm than anything sinister). Don't take it personally when someone disagrees with you, they're not saying your experience isn't valid when they give an opposing view. Regret can be useful initially as an identifier of a mistake, but it's pointless to dwell: things happen, learn from them, then absolve yourself and move on. It's sad to hear that you regret your experiences, but it's a perspective that should be heard.

Stay in touch, I hope this isn't goodbye forever

I wont say dont forget it all, what a waste. I wont say dont leave, your a blessing. I will say:

Thank you for all you did to help me everday.

Thank you for your bluntness, and ability to give both good/bad perspectives.

Thank you for the amazing posts you have made, including the best mescaline extraction tek i have ever seen.

You are a truly blunt, genuine, and intelligent fellow, if a little burdened,stressed, and demented sometimes. Goo bai House.

-gir

House.

Like others have said: just take a break.
I do think you still fit in here.

Btw im still reading in your book (among some other books)..
And i would be happy to see you around later.

Goodluck

I sometimes take a long break both from DMT and the Nexus.
Once I came here after one of my breaks and here you were.
At first you seemed like quite a good fella but lately I've noticed this bitterness and increased aggressiveness some people here talk about.
I think it's a good idea you take a good break. You can not change people here to be how you want them to be, think, behave etc. You can only change yourself. And you need to learn to accept others how they are. And if you don't feel you belong here then of course you leave.

But you know you're always welcome back, you know that

Well good luck and I hope you find some inner peace soon.

Later mate!

Good luck to you, Senor Casa! And as most others are saying, "Welcome back in advance." Though I'm new, it seems to be how things work around here ... very cool!

I took a 39 year hiatus from my favorite vegetable dish, before trying it again last year. Things do change.

Whatever is out there for you, you'll be the first to know when it's time to start posting again. I'm pretty sure most of us are looking forward to it.

Apparently it is not our right, snozzleberry. It is the right of the administration to keep and not allow the user to take back what they said.
I begged and begged the Traveler to just let me delete what I have written here. He then demoted me to a "limited user"

I feel used. I find this absurd. It would help me if I retracted what I have done. I already have everything in notes and in my book, I don't need it here, and neither do any of you.
You have your own opinions, experiences, etc. You can keep the resin tek in the wiki. You don't need my posts.

I know this post won't get me anywhere. The administration will have it their way. I just find this a little ridiculous.

Please allow me to erase what I have done as a way of moving on. I'm literally begging you.

Hi House

The dramas come and go... but real Friends are Forever.

Notice your real Friends are here for you Forever House.

Ya

PS - I think the Traveler is simply doing what a good friend does when one is drunk, he takes away the car key for safety.

You crashed your car before (deleted your posts), then he had to fix the wreck (when you asked him to put all the posts back).

I'm sure the Traveler will give you back you car key soon, if you soberly promise you won't be asking him to fix the wreck again.

Actually, there is an un-delete button (have you noticed?) so you can un-delete your deleted posts by yourself later if you choose to.

Safety of what?

I wish to retract my posts here as a way of moving on.

I feel used because you all will not allow me to do this.

I am just going to have to argue and beg until they see that this is what I need to do and they allow me to do it.

Is that really so much to ask?

Let me do this and you never have to deal with my "Drama" ever again.