So, this is going to be a very particular request. I’d like to hear from everyone and anyone who can relate to my situation. You can post here or feel free to DM me.

I know this isn’t the best section of the forum for this particular request, if there is a better place that will get more exposure please let me know.

I made a discovery today… I have aphantasia; The inability to create mental imagery.

Over the past few months I’ve been trying to learn and utilize the Silva Method. A way of manifesting change through visualization and thought. I struggled a lot trying to grasp concepts like mental screens and visualizing things in the teachings. I thought I was just terrible at it or it was simply a very difficult thing to do (visualize thoughts with my eyes closed), but after some conversations and google searches I discovered that unlike myself, MOST people can close their eyes (and some don’t even need to close their eyes) and visualize anything they can imagine. This is digeateninf to say the least. I’ve never been a jealous person but this… this is just unfair.

This realization has come with a lot of answers and explanations for my behaviors, like why I love movies and comics but loathe books. Especially ones that require you to use your imagination. It also explains my obsession with mind altering drugs.

Unfortunately it also raises a lot of questions about if this is what has been causing my trip visuals to be cloudy and so short lived. Especially when it comes to non-breakthrough DMT trips.

When I close my eyes in a sober state I see nothing but red/pink (I’m assuming this is the light passing through my eyelids. If you’ve ever put a flashlight up to your nose or mouth and looked at the light passing through you get the concept. If it’s dark then o see nothing but darkness.

On low level DMT trips I see (with low doses) dark muddled cloudy images almost like looking out a foggy window at the world or looking at the world with really bad eyesight and no corrective lenses. . Rarely I would get tiny flashes of clarity but only for a fleeting moment where I could make out things like symbols or words. Sometimes I would see what looked like watching tv or a movie but with my face smushed up against the screen. Everything would be blurry.

On mid level doses I would often seem like I’m slowly moving or being carried, and my vision would be very limited to looking straight ahead. If I turned my physical head to look to my left or right everything would go out of focus. Like tunnel vision. I’ve often thought/felt like I was inhabiting some kind of device like a security camera, or someone’s phone. There are times when it’s like people are poking me in the face, like I’m in a camera on a touchscreen device. I’ve often wondered if what I was seeing was what AI or other ocular sensors on devices see. Like they have a hardcoded limitation on them to prevent them from reading what they see or identifying things. On stronger trips the visuals are crisp and clear, but only for a minute or two tops. Then as my vision starts to fade everything goes pink/red until I am left seeing nothing again.

Something else very interesting but slightly unrelated is what I experience if I start my trip with my eyes closed. Meaning I close my eyes and then take the hit(s) as opposed to hitting and then once things start to ramp up closing my eyes. If I do this and it’s a strong enough hit to get to 3D CEVs. It’s like the world around slowly powers up. Like a machine coming to life around me, powered by my brain, powered by the DMT. It’s often very textured or patterned.

My question to anyone who reads this is this: On your non-breakthrough low/mid level trips, do you experience anything similar? I would especially love to hear from others who are afflicted with the same aphantasia condition. Many people don’t even know this is a thing. But now you do. An easy test it to close your eyes and try to picture a red star on a black background. I’ve read that some people believe there to be varying degrees, but for me no matter how hard I try I can’t see anything sober. No shapes or colors. Just darkness (or pinkness if I’m in bright light)

I hope it’s ok to post this here as I’m at least giving some recounts of my experiences. Also I know new members won’t be able to post here and I can no longer post in the new members area, so if you have something you’d like to share you can either start a thread with this question in that area for newer members to contribute or you can message me directly.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post. I know it’s a long read but I would really like to hear from others about their experiences. Especially if you too discover you are unable to visualize (while sober)