Couple months ago it was my biggest fear in my life that if i stuck in a misery and i won't be able to find any solutions to get out of it and if there is no one to help me,then what should i do?
its the worst situation i can imagine in my life.
have you ever thought about it?do you have any solution?i didn't tell this fear to anyone till now because i don't want anyone to be frightened or make their mind busy while i know most people don't know about these stuff.
i had this solution for myself that because it is irrational and we live in a rational world so that infinite misery is not possible.but we are psychonauts,we are psychedelic users and we know that nothing is impossible specially during trips.but at that time i was thinking because this type of misery has never happened to anyone who i know,so i should skip this,there are lots of phobias(irrational fears) that can come to our minds although they can be scary and mind bending,but they are not real and they never happen similar to that worst situation we were expecting.
and doctors usually just prescribe something they don't like to involve themselves to depths of every patients problems.
i know lots of psychonauts who just like to keep themeselves on the surface to keep it recreational but i think informed psychedelic users are the best persons to discuss about this type of problems because have seen similar situations and they don't easily pass these kind of questions because they know it can be themselve to experience it during trip.
so why i didn't came to ask sooner?(i mentioned it started months ago)
because last night my worst fear happened in real life.sleep paralysis...
i've heard it a lot before and i knew that it is just a temporary situation and how it looks like,and i have experienced night terror and hypnagogia and hypnopumpic hallucinations and explosive head syndrome a lot(almost every night),and i always thought sleep paralysis is an easy condition compared to those i experienced,but it wasn't.
a night before i couldn't sleep well i didn't feel tired enough to go unconscious.it is said to be a cause of sleep paralysis if we get so tired and don't sleep well so the brain can't work normal and needs to sleep more resulting to sleep paralysis.
but the important part starts when i didn't think a single bit that it could be tomorrow right on the bed to confront irrational infinite misery.a reason to this is i was imagining sexual situations before i go to sleep, no one expects this kind of stuff when he is sexually turned on.
i don't remember the dream i had but it wasn't a nightmare,it was a normal dream.
when i woke up everything was dark, i couldn't open my eyes,i was sleeping on spine and my hands were on my body very simple style.i felt a zap in my whole body and i could feel a little but i didn't know what was happening.i tried to move but i couldn't,i tried to open my eyes but i couldn't.i didn't know were i was but i knew who i was a little, i tried to ask help but i couldn't talk,after couple times of insisting suddenly my mouth moved: DAAAAD!...no one heard....
i tried more but i couldn't do it again and my body was so numb there was a tingle sensations on my hands.i thought if i were dead?(i always think about being dead almost every night because i have lots of hallucinations in my sleep cycle and even when i awake and i walk to other rooms sometimes i still think if its another world or not,cause my brain doesn't work well suddenly after waking up and i have
Dissociative disorder and depersonalization which i can't feel intensity of senses like others so i don't feel real like others.)
so there was some reasons to believe that i am dead,but i thought its more similar to being brain dead cause i feel somehow but i can't move,(this conclusion was made on sleep paralysis by adoption from a report of a 5meo-dmt user).so i started to feel misery and fear of irrational infinite misery.another time i successfully called my dad but still no one responded(he was sleep).
i thought if god have abandoned me or made me like this to punish me.(it has an intense guilt in it if you know and is a result of corrupt minded religious scholars who made people believe that god is a punisher,in my opinion)
it all took around 1 minute(i guess) but it had a siginificant effect on me when i waked from that.
i was so confused i thought about reasons behind it.the confusion lasted very long untill i started to read wikipedia and i felt how ridicously i was scared of something with no one died from it.
but the philosophical aspect of it is remained unsolved.and i am scared if the real irrational infinite misery happens anytime.
you may read it so easily but i can't say how much fear can be there if you experience on your own.
and its not like a trip where you know you have used a drug or at least you feel you are dreaming and seeing other stuff to happen and help you,it was nothing for me on sleep paralysis.
i know people have been there but they don't think like this and they are different.
when we are awake we can't imagine how it feels to be unmovable even if you try because at the end you know you can move and change this situation so you can never feel the infinite fear behind it.
so what is your comment on it?do you have any related ideas?

currently the only solution in my mind is to hope in GOD.
it is shown to me that if i release my mind to him he will do the best for me.and i should remember he won't and can't do such horrific situations to his own creatures.
it is dependent if you believe or not but if you do just remember anything bad in God will make him out of GOD definition of all good things we believe in him.so if you think god has anything bad in him,it may be an evil you have replaced in your mind instead of the real GOD.

I think that's the challenge, to see through ALL illusions, even the most despair-inducing ones.

Ayahuasca made lots of my deep seated fears manifest on my trips. It was very intense and I put myself to the limit. However my life situation was quite stable and I had good people around me and could spend time in nature. I think it's very important to cultivate stability in your life as a counterweight to dealing with your inner tough stuff. Sometimes it's better just to focus on the normal good stuff than try to resolve the scary and traumatic stuff. Seems like you have gone through lot, trying to resolve it all on your own may seriously be too much on your psyche. At least I think that building a very solid positive foundation for every day life is very important. Having some trusted person with you to share your thoughts and feelings can help a lot to stabilize and ground.

thanks for being here

i agree but i can't find anyone who wants to listen to me,people just want to be happy and freaky they don't like to have deeper understanding.

These days, this is why I've had resisistance sharing the entheogenic plants with others. My own healing, lately, has been difficult af.

I have my own set of fears. You can say they are similar. Simply saying, states of feeling bad can stretch very far and differently and thoughs of ending up in such states certainly doesn't help feeling happy in general.

I think I personally should do more deep meditation to work with such issues.

Also shift some balances in life that I keep postponing.

Yoga helps me. Walking barefoot. picking blackberries. Making wine with wild mulberries and elderberries (and hopefully muscadine and pokeberries). Fishing perhaps.

Whenever I make an effort to connect with my land , and/or allow the land spiritually, I heal.

I found a logical solution for this.
if there is irrationality,then we can't use logical thinking,because logical principles gets broken,then there is no use of logical thinking cause anything can happen at that irrational situation,and if there is infinity,then congratulation!because you finally found eternal world,and if its infinity then you should know anything that doesn't change for a while turns into an habit.
meaning after some cryings and screamings you finally get calmer and no matter what you want you adapt to your environment thats how biology works.
to explain easier and give you an applicable instruction here is what you should do when ever we encountered irrational infinite misery:

step 1:
try to relax and assure yourself that nothing bad happens and it will never be late to save yourself at that situation because you have fear of infinity,and if its infinity you have a lot of time and if its not infinity then you will be saved automatically!
step 2:
see if there is any changes,if these changes are in an irrational pattern then you should prepare yourself in a relax mode because you are going to lose the ability to think,the mind can't think without any logical method.and if there are irrational contradictions happening in your environment then you can't do much but keep in mind that loosing ability to think also means that you won't be able to worry or feel any misery.so its not that bad and you may finally be saved somehow.
step 3:
if its not irrational,try to get out of there if you can open your eyes or sense your body to check how much real it is.if its a dream then it should automatically reach an end,or someone may help you finally.
step 4:
if nothing has changed and you are stuck for a long time in a paranormal situation then try to accept that its your new life and it can't be worse than this so you can make a new life there but keep in mind you can never be sure how future can be,maybe it will be much better?
step 5:
you can always use your memories and use your imagination power to build new things in your mind.a perfect world.
it is possible to lose memory but the ability of imagination can't be lost because it is involved in thinking mechanism.


Goodluck