So... I've used psychs before.

they were very useful in helping me develop and deepen myself... however I stopped using them because the "time-scale" they were taking (8 hours or so) was becoming incompatible with my current life... only with a life where I avoid dealing with people.

So in stopping taking psychs... over the years I've seen my quality of existance deteriorate. My emotions and mind have weakened. I used to be incredibly creative... at least in my inner space. How my dreams were.

I don't wanna just "find the old drugs" and "try to find opportunities when no one else is around". Because its too awkward. I mean its not a bad thing, but what if I'm "simply not in the mood" at the time? What if the time that "I happen to have the house alone for a week" is simply not a good time for me on a spiritual level?

I don't have any trip sitters either... or anywhere to go to be alone except my own house. That might be a good idea to solve, but I have no idea how to even start with those.

So DMT seems perfect, as I could make the trips shorter and more controlled in terms of time-frame. Avoid the whole "oh shit I gotta deal with people who are anti-drugs while I am still tripping" kinda traps.

...

Well... sorry i didn't tell you much about myself except that I used to take other drugs (DXM) that used to help me... but its not fitting with my life anymore.

Hmmm...

I guess I need to do new things socially too. Hopefully taking psychs could open me up. Or at least perhaps I could find a spiritual retreat or something like that? I really don't know.

BTW my last attempt to extract, failed: https://www.dmt-nexus.me...mp;m=1172480#post1172480

hmmm if you want a better info on who i am or how I am....

I guess you can say I am right now feeling very energetically "low" or "weak"... creativity is low.

Its almost like I'm pacified. I guess using alcohol has done this. I tried to do it "healthily" (i take anti-oxidants in plant form, tomatos, kale, etc and mix it with the drink)... It was good at first but overtime I've noticed myself "plateauing" in terms of emotions.

I used to be very driven and now I feel like i'm just "on a loop". Its harder to focus or change things up these days. Quite "stuck in a rut".

I guess my loop is working because a loop is a wheel and wheels take you places. But the journey is long. In the meantime I need a new vibration... The destination is that I am working to create a new magical space in terms of technology... involving many elements including AI and spirituality in the technology itself... reaching beyond the mathematical.

but right now I guess you can say I am burnt out.

Aside from that I don't really feel fear or worry. "numbed" I guess you can say. I seem healthy, people say I look young and good. I take care of my body.

I do what I can you see! Its easy to take care of my body because the answers are obvious. "exercise, eat well, don't do bad things, stretch, skin-care, etc". But taking care of the emotional side is hard... because its simply not possible without involving other people. Thats why I look physically healthy but emotionally numb or weak. I don't have the social connections I need.

the things that used to give me pleasure and deep meaning, feel worn out now, not just drinking, but the old friends or online games I used to play.

Just looking for a new start. Don't know if I'll find it... or here or where or what I need. But i need something fresh. I hope DMT is it.

...

As for "Why" i don't have those social connections.... I see it as being based on deeper truths about life or destiny that I can't talk about because they are highly metaphysical or people just don't want to know. Its too deep or important information to expect a newcomer to just understand or share.but basically, there are deeper reasons that caused this separation. According to my ideas, I should be able to fix it, slowly over the years.

There is no "just do action X and everything will be fixed". More like "you need to take your own actions, and it will take years"

Actually I can talk about one deeper truth... that throws everything off!

Humans are basically "farmed animals" on some kinda spiritual level. Much like chickens, we grow up too fast. I think about 3x too fast. I think chicken accelerated growth is about the same level, I can't find the link but I did read once it was about 3x growth acceleration.

So imagine that on some deeper metaphysical level, I am "just meant to be a teenager" when in fact in this life im in my 40s...

Humans find a way around this by "copying each other".

Imagine you need to take 3 weeks to write a book... a creative new book.

Imagine you are given 1 week. What do you do? Plagarise. You copy. Copy someone else's work.

This is why humans are so "hive-mindy". People are copies of each other... not much creativity, as a way to "get around" our accelerated growth rate.

This puts me in an awkward place relative to human species, as I'm not MEANT to exist like this. THEY feel comfortable as they are USED TO or familiar with "being a farmed-animal" on a soul-level. But for me, this is new. I'm NOT meant to be a farmed animal, I've never existed like this.

So literally, I am limited to the "Successlevel" of however my "real age" is meant to be. I can't be any more successful than a young teenager at this point. Obviously this will change over time, but slowly. Even my "real age" will become an adult at some point. The best bet I have is to try to stay physically young as long as possible.

This is the best deal to help my soul deal with this world.

Theres a lot you can say about the "Accellerated growth rate" of humans, because it affects everything. I haven't heard anyone else talk about this, either.

...

One thing I know, is that EVERYONE says "life goes by too fast". THIS IS WHY. because we have an accelerated growth rate!! Its that simple. We aren't meant to grow up so fast.

Even children say "life goes by too fast"... its not so obvious for them because the emotional state of a 3 year old is compatible with the emotional state of a 10 year old. They don't "have to give up their way of being"... they just layer stuff ontop but all the younger emotions are still there.

But I've seen a video of two separated sisters (9 years old) who met each other, (they were adopted by different families)... and over 1 year they saw each other a few times... The girls said "it feels like a few months".

See? 1 year feels like a few months, even to children sometimes.

This is normally the point where people try to psychologically attack me... by taking all my words and trying to build a negative picture of me... and ignoring all my positive traits (being healthy, looking young, working on spiritual technologies, seeing deeper truths to life).

At least its happened before. I said pretty much the same stuff to someone who is SUPPOSEd to be helping people through life with advice on psychedelics and spiritual stuff... and he just attacked me with lies to pretend im a terrible person lol.

I suppose you could take my words and say "im an escapist". I don't think so though.

I mean looking after your health isn't escapism. You could say "you only want to be healthy and look young because all you care about is escaping reality and responsibility... not because you care about it for itself"...

well thats a fucktarded response only a jealous hater would give. So please fuck off if you think like that including that guy whose "help" I paid for and said the same things to me!

Hello and welcome! It's good that you write about yourself. It does a lot of good and is also interesting for people like me who like sociology, psychology and humans in general.
What I can tell you, in my personal opinion, is that it would be better not to stick to certain algorithms with which you would like to try to categorize the events around you. This thing about human early growth is quite debatable (remember, I'm discussing the subject, not you as a person). Just think that human life expectancy has grown by at least double in the last 2 millennia, and just compare a human newborn to any baby animal (we develop our characteristics much later than them and with much more difficulty).

But if we talk about spiritual growth I agree with you. It is not a dimension that keeps pace with the other ways of being "human". But I think it is simply due to the culture that has developed over time, not so much to an our deficit. In fact, even spiritual growth must be supported by certain practices and techniques. Also in this area there is a sort of "training" that must be faced.

In any case, welcome again!

Thanks for the welcome! I glad you are interested in my (and others) intros.




Well its my life so I have to figure out that stuff myself. I doubt any stranger can "know what is best for someone else" in any sort of holistic sense. Even people I've talked to for a long time I don't really tell them "What is best" for them... because I don't know and won't know. People acheive things in all sorts of dumb and wierd ways and "make it work for them" lol.

People need to find what is THEIR way to do things. Its like a lion trying to tell a cheetah "What is best". It doesn't work. Even if the cheetah doesn't know "how to do things his way"... that doesn't mean a lion can tell him.

That said... its always fun to "try things someone else's way". Like joining a tribe for a few days and living how they live... see how that "Works for you" and keep what you like from it.



Well, growth-length and dependancy-length are separate things. Maggots or other insect larva are "independant" but many insects spend most of their life in that stage.

I can easily imagine a world where people "grow up slower" but are more independant while younger... especially with a society designed to allow for this.

Yeah it seems Earth has been taken over by very anti-spiritual people. The way we are living just doesn't seem natural at all.

Although on psychs it just seems these problems kinda "melt away" and you don't necessarily see it that way.

I wasn't trying to tell you what you should do or what is best for you. I said, in general, that taking something for granted and building your own interpretation of what happens on the planet around it doesn't seem like a good method. I don't think individuality has much to do with it. The same can be said with any affirmation or belief.
Since you talked about the problems that you are facing, I thought an hymn to openess might help. (which I'm not afraid to say is universally better than closure)

I am just trying to help, in some way. I'm not trying to make my idea prevail or anything, I certainly wouldn't do this here.


For me it is difficult to see that, also because we cannot control everything. There is puberty for example, which inevitably changes an individual and directs the thought towards certain things.

Frankly, it sounds to me that you need to make time for yourself on a spiritual level away from other people, as it sounds like you are not allowing yourself the mental space for yourself to center.

Thats not to shake the importance of social connection and interaction- but you yourself are someone you need to spend dedicated time connecting with and getting to know.

If you are looking for a spiritual retreat with psychedelics to achieve this, and to step your habits out of the comfort zone rut, then do so! slate yourself a day or two that are dedicated FOR YOU. Take a mental health day and if someone is trying to clamor for your time on those days, then gently assure them this is a time for your own self-care and connection.

And when that day comes, even if you find that you are not in the mental state or physical situation where you feel comfortable or called to the substance, thats ok too. Because you dont have to be on those things to have some down time to yourself, and you may even find that offering yourself that temporal retreat opens up the space you needed to clean up some of those psychic or physical tangles that are preventing you from enjoying yourself or partying in the spirit world.

Either way, the best thing you can do is take a day and just escape your rut loop. Your vibration stagnates when it is the same thing every day. Add new flows of energy (ideally positive flows) and they will magnify and lift you up.

Hello and welcome, nitrogenaztec!

Firstly, as a hint, you can't expect too much in the way of immediacy of replies around here - sometimes it can be quite quiet; other times it can be that people have read your posts and like to take their time to give a considered reply (I know I certainly do, especially when it's outside my usual field of the basics of chemistry). So, I hope you recognise that just over 2 hours is pretty quick - and if that hadn't actually bothered you at all, forgive my presumptuousness in reading between the lines regarding your four initial posts.

For at least the chance of a more direct form of engagement, there's also the chat room where, if you're lucky, you may find some friendly souls to bounce your ideas off. Given the global nature of this forum, a lot of the action is often at a time more suited to those on the west side of the Atlantic.

I hope that you found it beneficial just to put into words what's been bothering you. Framing the situation can equally well lead to re-framing it, and something I've noticed over the years is that one's attitude to a situation practically mould's one's reality. But how might that affect things like feelings of a lack of energy and creativity, you might ask? Well, I suppose you may be right in thinking that an encounter with deep ontological shock could re-motivate you when confronted with the inescapable reality of your mortal nature.

Which kind of brings me round to your notions of "growing up too fast" which I found rather curious. It's possible to perceive there being a pressure on all of us, and from an increasingly early age, through mass electronic media to perform our pre-imagined roles as consumers in peripost-late-capitalism. At the same time, one could say that on other levels this is a culture that keeps us in an enforced state of prolonged infantilisation - certainly on an emotional level and very likely as regards critical thinking, too.

That said, you are the only person whom you have the opportunity to even begin to change. So, what psychedelics had you tried previously and what did they do for you back then?

For me, it makes these things seem all the more acute. And what is 'spiritual' anyhow? Doesn't it just boil down to each of us using far less of everything, and meanwhile actively caring for nature and the planet - not least by recognising ourselves as a connected part of that whole system? Intentionally reconnecting with nature, with or without the use of psychedelics, has been shown to benefit mental health. If that's important enough, you can find time in your schedule for it.

Interesting choice of moniker, btw. May I enquire as to the rhyme and reason behind it, if any? It has a feature or two that might raise the attention of a chemist.

Very perceptive. Also its probably the opposite of what other people are telling me. But I think you are the one who has got it right. If I feel burnt out on other people it because I need more time alone! Not because "I am just anti-social".

Also... the rest of your answer was useful I only hope I can remember but at least maybe subconsciously useful.

My friend called herself nitrogennotch once and I just wanted to do the same lol... but that was too uncreative.

I guess I feel a lot of connection to south america even if I've never been there. Something about it makes me feel like its where I should spend some time... maybe a lot.

Just a thought here. San Pedro is a gentle teacher in the lower dosage ranges. At lasts a while but there is little chance of a bad trip and you can function quite well on it at those doses, especially after a few hours.

Yeah I heard that. Good idea. What do you think about the prices of san pedro? It seems expensive to grow?

All my first Pedros were gifted to me by a number of people. Once I really got into it, that was when I started to spend a bit more money on cacti. I still got some amazing bargains by tracking down the right cactus nursery; it happened to be close to my location back then and was easy to reach for a delightful afternoon out.

Perhaps lately because of the increased interest in San Pedro, some growers (or sellers) have come along who seem to have a profiteering mindset. It should be possible to find a reasonably-priced source of seeds, however - and if you get lucky and find the right cactus nursery in your region you may still be able to pick up a bargain or two.

So I'd never say that San Pedro is expensive to grow - rather that it's virtually free if you can find containers and compost. Even the fertiliser is free - they actually thrive on urine. Thus, for the truly faithful, the only sacrifices will be your time and your dedication to learning the ways of the plant. And a large portion of your available living space

Btw, the interesting thing about your choice of name is that the 'az-' of aztec means, in chemical language, nitrogen - as in azo groups, azides and diazaparacyclophane.

I just sourced my first san pedro through a friend two nights ago. Its a wonderful cactus, and I dont think live specimens are terribly expensive online either.

Well... I can easily spend 20£ orr 40£ on a mainstream shopping website. The question is... is it worth it? To get a small shrub... in a tiny pot.

I have no idea

I suppose when you think about it... "it is always worth it". If you help a plant reproduce 6x... and double in mass each time, that is 64x. Depends how much effort you want to put into it? I guess it is a good way to look at it.

I can look into finding someone more... "unprofit motivated". I really do prefer it.

Unlikely I can find a cactus nursery where I am. Kinda like New York in that it is a dense and highly-regulated area. You can't find things unless you know people (which I don't).

I might give the pedro another shot Why not help it grow at least?... For it's own sake? Even if its "not fast enough for me".



I knew I liked the sound of it :3.

Greetings a welcome.

Psychedelics are a regular tool for me and my mental health. But the work must be done inside the psychedelic space and outside the space equally. Psychedelics alone are not a quick fix, but are rather powerful perspective altering tools that when used in some appropriate way can help increase the momentum of our inner growth.

As for people growing up too fast, I think it depends on the culture. In the western world, perhaps there are some ways in which we are conditioned to grow up too fast, but as DF0 showed, some of the social systems we live in try to keep us as ignorant as children. Then there are people who live very different lifestyles all over the world, removed from western paradigms in many ways, sometimes within social structures that are surrounded by the western paradigm.

Who are any of us to make a ruling on what is too fast too grow up anyway? Each one of us is part of the whole that is humanity, not beyond it in a pragmatic sense. That said, if a bird's nest is considered part of nature, then so is any construct made by man. We're not separate from nature, we are intimately part of it like any other animal, regardless of the fact that we have sapience. What we do is part of nature, even when people claim that something someone else is doing is unnatural. While through the actions of man other forms of life can be deterred and destroyed, that doesn't mean we have the power to destroy or permanently ruin the planet; when she's over it, or when we've damaged our environment so much that we cannot sustain ourselves as a species anymore, the planet will just shake us off and keep going until some real force (like the dying of our sun) comes along and really ends the party.

And yes, many people are carbon-copies of others, and many don't have well-refined critical thinking skills and open-mindedness. But how much can anyone really be blamed for that? Almost every animal on the planet learns from its predecessors and peers as it grows through life. It's common.

As for how people respond to you, I think it may come down to what you say and how you say it. It's important to recognize that some people can be made uncomfortable or even threatened by some claims, especially claims from someone about "deeper truths;" that's always a slippery slope, for how do we assess the veracity of what one individual perceives as "deep truth."

That said, perhaps this can help you refine how you come to certain conclusions and why you come to those conclusions.

As for your stagnancy, I empathize and sympathize with you. One thing that has helped me lately is doing new things. Doesn't really matter what. New experiences stir something inside us that keep us alive. We just have to be willing to abandon our comforts.



One love

If nothing else, strong trips help me to appreciate the magnificent code we are born with that lets us decipher reality in a manageable way in our day to day sober lives.