Orion wrote:Shortest one I know:
Venison's deer isn't it ?
And mutton is cheap !!! (Still not funny!) Life is a shit sandwich - the more bread you got, the less shit you eat.
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A man runs into a psychiatric hospital completely naked and wrapped in cling-film. A doctor runs up to him saying "I don't know what's bothering you, but I can clearly see your nuts!" 
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The annoying thing about this thread is that all my best one-liners are spontaneous and I never write them down. Goddamn cannabis... “There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work." ― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
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Point to your head and say the last two letters of the abbreviation for Dimethyltryptamine.  “You, of all people, deserve your own love and affection.” -Buddha
For God so loved the world...
God is Love
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http://nogrowingofbrain.ytmnd.com/(sorry  ) “There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work." ― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
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1. What do you get when you cross a joke with a rhetorical question?... 2. I like my coffee like my women: without a penis. Every day I am thankful that I was introduced to psychedelic drugs.
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One liner? I hardly know 'er!
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What d'ya call a fly with no wings? .....A walk. what d'ya call a donky with only three legs? ......A wonky I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.
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So did you hear about the constipated mathematician?......He tried to work it out with a pencil. I'm the one that's got to die when it's time for me to die, so let me live my life the way I want to.
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Q: Favorite deodorant of the Nexus throughout time? A: Old Spice “You, of all people, deserve your own love and affection.” -Buddha
For God so loved the world...
God is Love
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A dyslexic man walks into a bra. '"ALAS,"said the mouse, "the world is growing smaller every day. At the
beginning it was so big that I was afraid, I kept running and running, and I was glad
when at last I saw walls far away to the right and left, but these long walls have
narrowed so quickly that I am in the last chamber already, and there in the corner
stands the trap that I must run into." "You only need to change your direction," said
the cat, and ate it up.' --Franz Kafka
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If a special ed student is late to class more than once, is he re-tardy? I'm. So so so very sorry. Sine experientia nihil sufficienter sciri potest -Roger Bacon
*γνῶθι σεαυτόν*
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What's brown and rhymes with snoop? Dr. Dre
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A one armed man walks into a second hand shop. Everything is always okay in the end, if it's not, then it's not the end.
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Q: How much does it cost to keep a zombie well fed? A: An arm and a leg. "But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President, MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2Hyperspace LOVES YOU
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What does an insomniac dyslexic philosopher do? Stays up all night wondering if Dog exists. A man with wide eyes and a pile of dog shit in his hand walks up and says:"Now look what I almost stepped into". it's about making life a neverending experience of wonderfulness!
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A dylaxic man walks into a bra. '"ALAS,"said the mouse, "the world is growing smaller every day. At the
beginning it was so big that I was afraid, I kept running and running, and I was glad
when at last I saw walls far away to the right and left, but these long walls have
narrowed so quickly that I am in the last chamber already, and there in the corner
stands the trap that I must run into." "You only need to change your direction," said
the cat, and ate it up.' --Franz Kafka
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What's brown and sticky?... A stick. Yesterday, upon the stair,
I met a man who wasn't there.
He wasn't there again today,
I wish, I wish he'd go away.
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An Imam walks into a bar...
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Man says to his doctor, "I think I'm going rusty," and the doctor replies, "It seems you've developed a common metal disorder." “There is a way of manipulating matter and energy so as to produce what modern scientists call 'a field of force'. The field acts on the observer and puts him in a privileged position vis-à-vis the universe. From this position he has access to the realities which are ordinarily hidden from us by time and space, matter and energy. This is what we call the Great Work." ― Jacques Bergier, quoting Fulcanelli
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