Psychedelics taught me a better way to play with my son. A way that relates better. It is more simple and basic and fun. It is less verbal. He leads more and shows me the joys of both creation and destruction. I can share his world better now.

I lean towards determinism but i hold firm on the i don't know. What psychedelics has thought me is that my mind is still too primitive and limited. One can only fit whatever "this" is to one's intelligence and history has thought many of us that we will discover new things that bends the very laws of nature(as we know it).

Ok so at face value it's determinism. Why? I tried examining my life before and decided to track down why and how i became me. To my understanding it's 4 things. 1, my physical body which can be termed as genes. 2, the environment i grew up in. 3, the experiences i had over the past and 4, my reaction towards those experiences. This is really about nature vs nurture, which is cute.

Choice to me lacks purity simply because most of who i became had to rely on chance, things i never had a say on. For starters, my genes. Did i have a choice to be born Asian? Then my environment, did i have a choice to be born in a middle class, conservative family? Then the experiences, there are so many unpredictable things that can happen to anybody. Kind of like your dream the night before that affected your day. Did you have a say on it? or like a sudden traumatic event that jolts you out of your senses. Those will definitely affect who you are.

All of these will lead to you reacting(the choice you make today). It's like trying to answer a multiple choice question but with limited optioins. But then again, a choice is still a choice I understand that. However my nagging question on freewill is simply, am i the one making the choice or did nature conditioned me to make that choice?

It's obvious that choices are to be made and they are what matter ALOT in our lifes. And the attitude that "I won't choose anything but let fate decide" is something I don't like too much.
The thing is that I believe that we have a destiny and I believe things go ALWAYS the way they should, but I never take attitude that "let fate decide". Even if I believe in the possibility that our lifes could be "pre-written in the stars", so to speak.

that interesting, that's one of the thing an angel like entity once told me, she allso said i cant make any mistakes whatsoever...
this was around 3 years ago, and strangely enough during this period i took some decisions, and changed my life in a way that filled them up with stress and frustration, a kind of choice that when i think of it, it seems to be nothing but a huge mistake....
of course that i would only be able to judge it correctly on the long run, when i see it from a larger perspective of time.

but since i am not so much interested in objective truth (as i don't think we are capable of conceiving it yet) but more in choosing to believe the thing that will have a better influence over our human condition, i guess this kind of fatalistic approach does seem to act better over the "super ego" in the way that it will produce much less of the sometimes unnecessary guilt feelings, guilt, in the sense of feeling very bad with myself for taking what seems to be a significantly bad choice in my past...

There was something I forgot about that I really shouldn't have.

Psychs have taught me... fluidity. I find the everything in life much more easier to go with, the good and the bad. Taking things in stride, rolling with the punches (when I need to), drinking in the world, or overflowing with love and appreciation. They have taught me to be like the tide, always changing, but reliable.

Lucid Fluidity