Hi all,

First post- I hope it's okay to ask for guidance here. I can't post in the Ayahuasca section yet, I'm too new.

I've been heavily researching the practice of ayahuasca over the past few weeks- much of what I read is about how it is not recreational, but a journey that helps you find answers and solutions to issues of self.

This is exciting to me, as I have always struggled with feelings of constant bitterness. I'm not a violent person- I have never been in a fight, and don't get physical at all- but I walk around with a sense of 'frustration' all the time. Like I'm seething for no reason. And the smallest thing can make me grumpy, grouchy and irritated. To the point where I'm not happy a lot of the time, and resent people I love for saying the most inoffensive things. In plain words? I don't like who I am on the inside- and I'm worried that some day it will be the cause of my loved ones distancing themselves from me.

I am hoping that an ayahuasca experience (specifically, a mimosahuasca w\ syrian rue)- as well as meditation on the problem I wish to overcome- might help me challenge these personality flaws? I was wondering if anyone can give me any first-hand experiences of issues this wonderful substance has aided you with, or how it has helped you become a better person?

Thank you for any and all advice.

Hi, and welcome to the Nexus!

I deal with similar anger/frustration issues. A psychedelic afterglow almost always puts me in a more accepting, low key mode. My problem is I work so much I'm not able to trip as often as I'd like. I've even considered revisiting weed, although it makes me paranoid these days and I haven't used it in a very long time.

How much experience with psychedelics do you have?

Thanks for the welcome

Considerable little experience, overall. Long story short I was on a medication for a while that cancelled the effects of psychedelics. Now I'm off the stuff I am keen to explore the entheogenic world properly.

I found that psilocybin made me really in tune with my 'good' emotions- so much so that I've seriously considered microdosing. It's funny you mention weed- I actually just started vaping again for this very reason. I thought it was a good start to try (albeit temporarily) help with my issues.

I am yet to 'breakthough' on spice, so I have to rate myself as pretty inexperienced thus far... however, I am both keen to learn and excited to try them all. In time.

I'm not trying to judge you but this sounds like depression manifested in a different way. I would look into starting to train Muay Thai or Jiu Jitsu. I know you said you don't get "physically angry" and have never been in a fight but this is, for me and many others, a great way to help your temperament and discipline, along with giving you a strong sense of community with your training partners. Training for me had to stop over a year ago for medical reasons but since I can't do it I have guilted a few friends into training, giving them the "I would give anything to be able to train" speech. All have seemed to have calmed down in general. Risky activity along with a good sense of community the some of the things I think would help your angry.

As for ayahuasca helping. Possibly. But in my limited experience these drugs are more of a lens to view yourself through, rather than a tool to fix you. You may come to a realization that shows you why you are the way you are, and you can work from there.

If you're not the athletic type I would go for Jiu Jitsu, it's amazing how much of a friendly/family atmosphere is created by choking others .

No, that's great advice- that you, JP!

I don't mind exercise at all- I am an amateur triathlete, so the prospect of a fitness based hobby isn't overly scary

I'm certainly not looking for a 'magic bullet' so to speak; I figure that self improvement is something that will likely take lots of time, and probably a number of different 'changes' all helping in their own way.

I just hope that the wonderful brew can possibly help lead me there- even if all it does is what you say: give me insights on who I am at a baser level. It's surprising how much I find myself lying to... myself. And I believe it, because it's comforting and easy. It would be nice to be able to have the experience tear down some of these walls so I can see myself for who I am.

I am the same way, hid a muscle disease from myself for a few years because my ego could not expect it. There was a strong psilocybin experience I had that brought this to my attention, only for me to throw it back under the rug the next day.

I might suggest that there are a few things to try before aya .
Vitamin D for one thing , low vitamin D can cause this just by itself. I know first hand of this.
Another one is 5htp this can also take the edge off. You will notice a difference just with these two things.
I know there are more supplements that can help this anger issue. try to stay away from antidepressants if you can.
I believe there are too many ways to improve this without pharmaceuticals. Exercise is a big one for sure.
I think use of aya in conjunction with good diet vitamins an exercise would be a reasonable option .
In general Just layering aya or psychedelics on a shitty situation is not really an effective long term move in my opinion.

chr0nic - From what you describe, it sounds like there's an element of habituation towards unhelpful mental processes. This can be overcome with a little self-discipline. Be mindful of the way you think about people and situations. Take a little time to define the new ways you would rather be thinking about things. And of course if you choose to meditate, in the sense of stilling the monkey-mind, then all to the better as you will have the option whence to proceed from this point of inner stillness.

The diet and exercise recommendations above are also spot on, and I would like to echo Felnik's remark - psychedelics will act as a magnifying lens to your mental situation. This means you must be very careful to keep track of what is actually reasonable lest the horror of insight become too much. Go gently, and be kind to yourself.

Ah, thank you for the tips- I've never heard of 5htp, I'll have a look now... It's so refreshing to have alternative solutions suggested: too often people hear about this and just echo "antidepressants". I've tried them numerous times over the years. Sure, they do SOMETHING to my mindset- but they don't help with the anger issues. These other ideas sound much more promising.



Ah, my old friend 'mindfulness'. I've tried this so many times, but fail in the heat of the moment. I still believe I can do it- but perhaps a little help with the other things will make it easier (exercise, vitamins etc.) - sort of like reducing the load I need to lift. I would love to get into meditation, too.

Thank you both for the wonderful ideas and insight. I will tread lightly with psychedelics until I'm in a more reasonable headspace. Much love.