I've not posted or been in chat for awhile now due to a stimulant binge. I have been to treatment twice for my stimulant addiction. I ended a week long binge with this DMT trip.

Drugs consumed in the previous week:
~1oz of cocaine
6g ethylphenidate
5g 3fpm
100mg etizolam
400mg tadalfil
And an anabolic steroid cycle (dbol)

Total sleep during binge approximately 14 hrs (etizolam induced).

Dosage: pinch of changa 1:1 DMT ratio, 50% cappi leave, 50% MINT. And ~60mg white crystalline DMT on top.

RoA: GVG

I have a problem with stimulants. Once I start it usually doesn't end quickly. My ever faithful spouse finally got through to me that I was destroying my life and health. I broke down and gave it all up. Including my btc and etc wallets for RC's, my email password, my dealers phone number, and all stimulants that I had.

I was crying. I know that it is self destruction and hurting everyone around me. It was time to truly give in. I am in a constant state of paranoia with some auditory hallucinations during these binges too (police helicopters following my, hidden cameras in the wall sockets.. Etc.) these had mostly subsided.


After taking 4 mg of etizolam I decided to see what spice would show me in my state of emotional turmoil. I know many of you feel this is reckless abuse of the divine spice, but I decided to go ahead with my spouse near by after setting up an appointment with an addictions psychologists.

I took it in one inhale. I held it and closed my eyes. Pink fabrics weaved across my minds eye as I came up. BAM - without warning I was warping through my decade of stimulant addiction. I saw my parents crying. I felt the pain of everyone I was hurting including myself. Scenes of my lowest points of addiction flashed through my mind. Pure emotional pain. A realization of how senseless my stimulant usage is. Then the speed of the scenes increased to a blur. I have no memory after that point of the journey within my mind. When I opened my eyes I was still quite in the thick of it. I was crying, I didn't know who I was, where I was and what was happening. I jumped up and my partner was there, just outside the door. I remembered asking who am I. I was scared. I didn't know anything. My body moved but I didn't even know that I was human. Then the trip began to fade. My spouse was holding me at this point. Some semblance of recollection began to form. I asked what happened, did I do DMT. My spouse responded yes and gently guided me to the bed. Sleep now I was told. Having been awake for days I drifted away easily.

Retrospective:

Complete loss of self and ego is scary. I will likely never dose that high again.

The perspective that the spice brought to me is invaluable. The pure pain I experienced is my addiction. I can see now that pain is all it stimulants will ever give to me. The pain spreads to all those who I touch in my life. Why I crave to return to that pain will be explored professionally.