Last night I consumed 4.5grams of powdered psilocybin. It was a very intense trip. I wrote this out quickly and my mind was racing a bit so sorry if it's all over the place. As with any psychedelic journey it's always hard to describe. Below is what I got out of this powerful experience.


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Time stopped. I was stuck. I was alone. The waves were coming stronger and stronger. I would pop in and out of my ego. Aware and then not. When I shut my eyes I would disappear into oblivion. Flung through space. Upon opening my eyes and back into my body I felt confused, for what seemed like to me like months had gone by and check the clock and only minutes had gone by.

Everything was warping and moving. CEV and OEV equally intense. My mind struggled and I felt pressure around my whole body. The feeling of "I've done too much!" rushed in. I began to feel fear. I felt like I was about to lose my mind. It was all feeling like it was too much. A part of me wanted to escape. I was scared. Just then I felt a presence come into my mind. Like a familiar friend or family.

I fell into this presence and felt content all of the sudden. It seemed to be in my mind. I shrugged it off at first but then I had a thought that I should listen. I allowed a conversation to take place. Was I having this conversation with myself? Or was this my higher self? Maybe even god or the source? I played with these ideas and then I began to have fun.

I thought this was an opportunity to explore my mind. I allowed my mind to continue with the conversation. I allowed my mind to create a new perception. Time did indeed stop. I was never going to get out of the moment. I was here with this presence forever.
I got the distinct feeling of wanting to call this presence grandfather. I am not sure why. I just felt like responding "yes, grandfather" with the utmost of respect. Humble to the core as I listen. It was an old, wise, and masculine presence. It was so familiar. Safe and protected. This presence was here to guide and protect me.

It told me that I was never to get out of this moment. That now is all that will ever be. It went on to say that everything I ever thought was real was not. It was all imagination. It told me that when I took the mushrooms that it was my time to know a secret. I was never going to die as now that I knew that time did not exist it would cease to continue. That all my experiences were over now. So in a sense I was dead. I would no longer have the experience of life. I was stuck in time.

Thoughts of my family came up. I felt like crying at times. I felt angry at times. I felt confused. I felt like screaming. I felt like I was going crazy. I felt all sort of things. I allowed all of this to wash over me. I faced it. I had a choice to get out of this imagination but I chose to remain. To do some hard work.

The feelings of horror and pain continued and I found a certain joy in it. I felt a certain kind of healing in feeling these things. The negative feelings slowly started to lift, replaced by a feeling of awe, joy, and wonder. I felt sincere appreciation for my experiences that I had in my life. I thought of the good things about my family and friends. I saw my entire life in a completely new way. The presence was embracing me. Soothing me. It was calm and loving.

The presence went on to say that it chooses to be here with me now. It chooses to have all the experience that is me. It stated that we made an agreement. We are both fulfilling the agreement. We are in this together. We are one. I am you and you are me. I am everyone you have ever met. I am the trees and the sun. I am the mountains and rivers. None of these things exist without you. You are a part of it. You are the same as everything you see around you. There is no separation. No division. In this you are everything and nothing just as I am and the source.

Then there is three? Yes and no. There is three now in your experience. There is three now in every experience. Yet they are all one. You now know the secret. We will place you back into your life knowing that everything is you and you are everything. Create a good life. Be a good man. Take care of everyone that comes into your life. Love yourself and know that we chose this.

The waves were slowing and my trip was coming to it's end. This was the first time I ever really allowed my mind to just go. I let it go. I listened. No panic. I think normally I allow my thoughts to create fears, and I seek to occupy myself with music, or watch some trippy video, just some escape from the core issues that arise. The pain comes up and I tend to run away not wanting to deal with it. This time I certainly did deal with it.

The pain was hard to get through. I would say that this experience was one of the most difficult psychedelic experiences I ever had. It was difficult right up to the point where my perspective changed on my life.

A true feeling of love for myself came from this experience. Pride in facing my fear gives me further courage in life. My thoughts did not control me and I feel I handled everything very maturely considering I felt like a child most of the journey. By the end of the journey I felt like a man. I had reached the summit of the mountain and now surveyed the beauty from the top. The journey was hard but I made it. I have pride in what I acheived.

Why did I approach it like this? My intent was for love and healing. I wanted to do some hard work and explore my mind. I wanted to let the mushrooms take me over and teach me. I allowed myself to get lost into the experience. In doing so I learned to listen to something in me. I feel like I can tap into this positive presence at will now. Something opened up in me. I was on drugs talking to myself. Fine with me. I am a good teacher then cause I sure did learn a lot.

It's fun to toy with the idea that I was speaking with my higher self or god or the source, or hell....maybe even my grampa! lol Who knows? Maybe I was. Nobody could ever definitively say. Imagination is what I chalk it up to. Allowing the mind to teach itself. Taken out of the normal confines of the ego and allowing for a new perspective.

So I died last night and reborn this morning when I woke up. I now have a new perspective. I am looking at the world in another way. A way I had never seen before. I have a true appreciation for this journey. I am sincerely grateful!!

Although this was difficult I found that I had control the entire time. I could have escaped out of it. I could have distracted myself. I didn't have to take the hard path. I am learning to accept the pain and let it go. To show courage in life. Approach life with no fear. Something behind the thoughts has amazing power. I don't identify with my experiences. I am now. Stuck in time. Always now.

The hallucinations were right into the DMT realm. Mushrooms are a powerful teacher! I was not "here" much of the trip. I was in another place. Snapping in and out. Very intense but very positive experience for me. I wrote this as part of integration for myself but also wanted to share an approach that was new to me. It was a strong approach and it was worth it.

Thanks for reading all this!

Have a great day!

Thank you for posting this great report!

Good man, always great to get these life lessons from "the grandfather" within. Enjoy the new perspective.

I have been thinking about this trip ever since. I am displeased with how I described it. It's hard to explain. It really was a pure head trip. I was in my head. I sat silently the entire journey, which was about 4 hours. My mind was all over the place until this "grandfather' figure popped into my mind and then I became very focused and calm.

What strikes me most about what occurred was that my mind was fooled into believing that time had stopped. I watched my mind freak out, but something behind it was completely calm. Such an odd experience. My mind just couldn't figure it all out. It became stuck in a loop. Was amusing to watch. Unusual to watch oneself from the outside. Don't get that perspective very often.

I am glad that I allowed my mind to play it out. The loop just short circuited during the trip. The switch from panic to pure gratitude was also a very odd experience. It was like changing channels. Once the channel was changed, the other noise just stopped. My mind went a blank and what was left is me. I could see the true nature of myself. The positive and reassuring and loving me. The mind could not exist where I went. It exhausted itself. It had nothing left to offer and just dropped off.

I have had mind games on psychedelics before but I never really just let it play out. Like watching a game. Just watch and let it do it's thing. I learned this from meditation but never applied it directly to tripping. It was very hard to sit and be silent. I wanted to do anything but sit there. My mind went nuts! But I did not. I just observed.

I feel like I got some assistance from the outside. I have no idea if this was a spirit or just something inside me, I tend to go for the latter. To be honest I don't really care where the presence came from. All I know it something showed up to help me. It felt very good! Like I got someone on my team looking out for me.

I will forever remember the "grandfather" within. It was a powerful and loving force!