He didn't mean it literal wise

OP, great post!

I like to breakthrough for the reset of it all. I like to feel the panic of death. I like to feel the bliss of letting go. I like the amazement. I like having a glimpse of something I cannot understand. Feels like magic in some ways. Watching the impossible happen. I like the familiarity of it. I like how connected it can make me feel. I like the love of it all! Something there that I cannot place my finger on. Something that watches it all with a certain grin. I don't know. I play it out. It comes into my life when it wants. I have little choice in the matter and never really did to begin with.

From the WIKI :

Smoalk
"Spice slang for the word smoke, as it applies to smoking spice. The term can be said to originate from the fact that DMT is an alkaloid. Thus, smoke and alkaloid make smoalk."

Smoalk Moar is essentially "Smoke More" in reference to ingesting DMT. Read more about it here:

Smoalk Moar N,N-DMT

SMOALK and MOAR are not a word.

It should be a question of the questionnaire

offtopic:

tseuq wrote:

Why keep on swimming....?

.. to have fun ... some twists and turns, relaxed on the back, dives in between, butterflies and dolphins.., and "be come" the best swimmer/ing possible.

LOVE YOU ALL, LOVE LIFE, ONE.

namaste, tseuq

Bahleille,

Great analysis.

I agree. Breaking through is like being a first grader thrown into an advanced theoretical physics class. It's just simply beyond comprehension.

And it is a paradox to have the desire to continue to try something which isn't giving you answers. Luckily, I'm fairly comfortable with ambiguity, and have so far enjoyed the ride. But I am sympathetic to your perspective. It is, at least pragmatically speaking, pointless to continue to seek answers in a place where they are difficult, if not impossible to find.

The degree of strangeness is incomprehensible.

-InAwe

The best advice I ever received was from a mentor who told me, "don't take yourself so seriously, because no one else does". I used to constantly battle my emotions and feel restrained by them, as it sounds like you might, until I learned to make peace with myself and compartmentalize. Control over your mind, for most people, is the only consistent control you have, so take measures in your everyday life to master/reconcile your emotions.

I also think this could be contributing to why you aren't getting what you want out of your journeys. When I try to force it or do it when I have a lot of emotional baggage I have a similar experience or am even shut out entirely.

You say it seems like you learn so little and everything passes you by. Don't look for anything in particular, be a sponge that absorbs as much as possible. You might find you come out with slightly greater understanding (and more questions) as well as sudden realizations of what something meant later on.

Hope this wasn't to much of a ramble and helped a bit.

All my best,

Doog

All of you are my favorite people on earth. You are all so wise and filled with empathy. I love you so much for it.