The biggest thing spice did for me is make me more conscious of this life and makes me want to live this life the best I can.

I am not sure if I'm less or more afraid of death yet. One thing that freaks me out is thinking that I will not be with my loved ones after, but he may not remember them and that would make me sad and would freak me out even more.

Over all that makes me happy about this life, knowing I have great people that I care about and that care about me.

what an excellent thread. truly. nice job, Uncle Knucles...

pandora- i've been gone for a couple months and am just getting back. i have read a few of your posts and i just want to say that i THOROUGHLY enjoy your perspective. really good reading. thank you.

on the subject itself.... i don't think hyperspace as we've experienced it comes close....i can't pretend to know...though the meditation on death and dying (buddhist fundamentals) is constantly going through my mind. i even have the tattoo of the Kincara on my leg.....that's the tibetan mother/father deity who's mantra is: IT IS ONLY THROUGH THE THOROUGH UNDERSTANDING AND ACCEPTANCE OF DEATH THAT WE SEE THROUGH THE ILLUSION OF LIFE.

thorough understanding....i think that is what the spice is helping me with on some level. the momentary experiences of freedom from my ego-self, yet STILL undeniably "existing". dead...yet very much alive...

a taste that there is certainly something more than THIS dense/slow/3-dimensional reality ... and all the while, we grow just a little bit more comfortable with these "sheddings" of the ego.....

if you really stop to think about it, we could VERY CONCEIVABLY die at any moment. blood clots, heart attacks, strokes, aneurisms, car crash, earthquake, meteor pebble to the temple.... and even MORE undeniable is that we ARE going to die SOMEWAY, SOMEHOW, AT SOME TIME.... that transition from "here" to "there" is more than our little bag of curly meat in our craniums can process....shouldn't we somewhat PREPARE? meditation, plant entheogens...both help one surrender the ego. one by attempting to, by concentration, quiet the mind. the other to have the mind wrested from one's control. to have it taken away....hopefully with complete willingness...

to be stripped bare...

aside from trying to walk with that "death awareness" consciousness at all times (hence the tattoo), i also had a mantra come to me after a particularly potent journey....it was whispered into my soul by a light that was the embodiment of love. i find it to be the perfect mantra to use just prior to lighting up and it has slowly been gaining speed as a philosophy, if not thematic religion for my life now.

GIVE UP WHAT YOU THINK TO BE EVERYTHING AND YOU WILL BE GIVEN EVERYTHING....

perhaps death is the point where the punch-line is finally explained to those who didn't get it whilest in "the game". i'm not sure but i do feel like i constantly am trying to see 'THROUGH' this world.....like the world is not limited to what i can see with my eyes....at least not the two i use when i'm in "human mode". (see avatar)

LOVE AND GRATITUDE!!

I'm not afraid of death, i just have a great respect for the death process and i take this journey of mine very seriously. Spice has really reinforced the path that i have been traveling down now for sometime now. All my journeys with spice have made me realize that i am really really small in the grander scheme of things and i always marvel at the breath taking beauty that the spice has to show me.

Even though i am really really small spice has also made me realize that i have a great and special power within me to bring great change into my own life as well as others lives my actions greatly affect everything and everyone around me and even the smallest of thoughts can affect things. I know that i choose the direction that i travel and i always have a choice in everything that i experience and go through, whether to deal with any situation positively or negatively and those choices will affect my whole journey in this life and pave the direction i will travel.

I have discovered my key in life through my journeys with spice and that key for me is compassion, now my next part of my journey is learning not to grasp and cling onto my ego as its a pointless thing to do as all my ego does for me is hold me back and blind me from my own truth and the true nature of my reality.

Hopefully i will be able to let go of my ego on my own without the help of spice as i feel i will need the mental strength and courage that will come from over coming this mammoth task to harness the knowledge that will come to me afterwards and use that knowledge to be able to learn and discover more about the true nature of my mind and my journey. Lovely thread, thank you.


Much Peace and Understanding