First I would just like to say hello and I hope everything is going well. I have visited this site for many years now but never posted anything. I appreciate the space to explore and discuss what is sometimes difficult to put into words and that is the psychedelic experience. For this I am grateful. Now a little about myself.

I first heard about DMT when I was about 16 or 17. "You trip balls for 5 or 10 minutes and talk to aliens" a friend told me once. Sometime later I got a copy of DMT: The Spirit Molecule. I read it and was quite intrigued and even mystified by the possibility of what such a "trip" could be like. It wasn't until I was about four years older that I had even met or known someone who had tried it. My friend sent me a letter while I was attending university and described his experience.

"A friend of mine had what looked like the tiniest tinyest amount of white powder in a bag. He said it was DMT and that a friend had made it. The same friend whom I'd seen a separatory funnel with clear liquid sitting casually on his kitchen counter once! He asked me if I wanted to smoke some. I did. We went in the other room of his double wide trailer and sat down across from each other. He poured it over a bit of shwag and lit it up. He said it was just a little and that it might not be that intense. It looked like a put a small bread crumb in our bowl. He passed it to me and as I inhaled he held his in and kind of looked at me in his way that said 'I'm really high and your going to be too," but he seemed to be faking it. I sat there with my breath held for about 20 seconds or so.i felt nothing at first, just kind of awkward. Then it came on, subtle yet persistent and unlike any feeling ever. It was more like a philosophical revelation rather than a psychedelic experience. It was the sudden awareness of the vastness of space and time and how small and alone one or two people can feel in a rural place on this planet called earth, controlled by gravity and other insensitive forces of the dark and cold universe. It was terrifying in a way, but I was not tripping as far as I could tell, but I wasn't tripping. This feeling lasted about 10 minutes or less while we watt here quietly as I watched my friend seemingly pretend to be tripping. We got up and that was it."

I was still so curious. What about the out of body experiences? Where were the aliens? I would find out for several years.

Has anybody here ever experienced the feeling of infinite loneliness, the grandeur, sadness and feeling of insignificance and futility that the psychedelic experience can cast upon us? A feeling that although life is beautiful and great that we are alone in our true perceptions of reality? Being connected to the universe can really put perspective on the nature of scale and relevance beyond our consciousness.

Anyways. I look forward to sharing and discussing experiences and philosophy of the great unknown world of the mind and beyond. I hope this wasn't too boring for an introduction essay. Much love and respect.

No, but certainly the feeling of complete inevitability - that we are living now. Not tomorrow, not yesterday. And that we are living our lifes. Not the lifes of your friends, or idols. This all comes with a futility bar to none; the inescapable trip we're in while sober.

Gratulations on making your first post. I know its weird to feel that you know everyone while noone knows you.

Welcome to the nexus friend, glad to see you finally decided to join in the community. Look forward to future posts.