Hi everyone,

I am sitting here shaken to my core after my first breakthrough experience...

A friend gave me some changa and I loaded a guesstimated appropriate amount into my glass pipe. I was determined to make the third toke this time. On my first two experiences I was too overwhelmed to take the third hit. This time, I was already very far out after the first toke. With all my hard headedness I forced myself into a second hit and that's when I got sucked in fast.

I don't remember much at all. I remember thinking: "I had music on... I hear nothing. Time must have stopped." As soon as I came back enough to realize that I had a human body with eyes that could be opened, my flight or fight response urged me to open them. This is when the forces greater than myself that were present beyond the veil got angry with me. They tried to keep me with them. They would not let me go before I would have learned my lesson. A lesson I have not yet learned.

I trembled, I cried, I shivered...

I don't remember what happened to me, I just know there was something there that showed me that I don't know shit and that I am pretty powerless.

The single most humbling experience of my life.

I am beginning to feel thankful for it already. After 50 minutes, the shakenness is beginning to subside and give way to thankfulness.

Thankfulness for what?

I may never be able to articulate...

Sounds like a very moving experience!

Often one will encounter some sort of trial-- a test of sorts. To retract in some sense feeds the very moment you wished to overcome. I would suggest facing it, uttering a mantra, or projecting warmth.

The question is really how hard can you scare yourself...

And in regards to the thankfulness-- that is utterly natural. It has just forced you to re-assess, to breathe in fresh air untainted by your dogmatic schemes which were so firmly in place. One must always be grateful for another breath; it just reminds us. Or rather: we remind ourselves.

Yes... It sort of felt like my flight reaction insulted whomever was guiding me. We'll see if I can overcome this instinctual freak out that takes a hold of me whenever I lose awareness of my body.

Salvia had me in terror trying to hold on to a sense of humanity. I could not let go.

This changa experience however catapulted me into it. There was no time for letting go or hanging on.
It only caused me troubles when I was coming back. As soon as I knew that I had a body and should regain control of it, I couldn't execute any patience. I had to return in a hurry... Of course, I wasn't getting it my way

It truly wants you to shed the I, which causes these kind of issues. Once you do so, you will only be shown more.

Always at your own pace my friend.

Onward.