At first, my expectations were not that high for joining this site. I just wanted to get back on this path of purpose. I was on it for a long time, but that was a long time ago. My life changed incredilby in years that followed the one breakthrough. I became more intuitive, aware of and in comminication with spirit. I struggled and did not give up until 7-8 years ago. I felt so lonely and still do. Some where, some how I drifted away. I went crazy because I could not integrate what I had been taught or that I could not get it to fit into the duality of life. I had tried to go back and deny what really happened. I had turned my back on the Vision. My relationships, my self and my faith. Depression ruled my life from then on. I had horrible adrenilin burnout that kept my in almost near cathartic condition for a couple of years. Some how I was slowly pulled back from of the Void. Slowly throught help of plants, animals and people that love and care about me I was able to take steps back toward the path. Very slowly. It was just a few months ago from crawling on the ground to taking baby steps and so on. Till what has evolved to arriving here at the Nexus.

For a couple of months straight I just read and read. Most of the time I would be looking for a quick answer but in reading I would find answers to other questions I struggled with earlier but did not get. That is when I sensed DMT was working with me the whole time even before I took it by itself. Having the answers come this way was a great but uneasy feeling. It started to come into focus about the integrity here at the Nexus. That is when I began to realize the intention that is held here at the Nexus and why there are strong feelings about protecting that integrity. Those simple rules and the impact they have. These people really care about this. At first I started to see how people put their thoughtful feelings in their writing. Then I was knocked down by the mass unified intelligence just in front of the feelings of the threads. The real pay off of this knowledge came last night.

A few of you may have guessed I had a near breakthrough experience recently by the change in my writing(as well as my name and my avatar) . It was more a crash into experience than a breakthrough. I was repeatedly pounded into the marble ceiling of a grand pallace. The cieling even ended up cracking in in a few spots. The sound of the carrier wave was defening, but it taught me the hard way that the sounds that were frightening were reflection of my own emotions, feeling and health of my body. It was the feedback of the energy I cultivate in life. As it flows through my heart by flowing though my body in different dirrections. The experience was beautifully frightening. It also felt like I was being color boarded, just like water boarding. I can still taste the colors in my throat clearly. One of the biggest pieces of medicine for me to keep the experience positive was the memory of the wisdom that is held here in the Nexus that fruits from the integrity and commitiment that most everyone has. That memory about the Nexus allowed a mantra to pierce and aid me getting through the spiritual deguassing.

Right now I feel like me head was cleaned so feaking hard that my brain is shrunken as it relates to my crainium.

Feeling really grateful for the Nexus and the things I am learning.