i dont think any amount of words on a thread on a forum can touch the significance and spirituality of the pyschedelics... regardless this is going to be a very long first post because i have allot to say and i need you guys insight!

im a young guy, almost 19 and for the last 2 years ive been experimenting with different drugs and have become a pyschonaut who mainly uses weed and pyschedelics. before i had my experiances with dmt i had used lsd, mushrooms and 25nbom. I got interested in DMT and did all the resaerch and stuff, you know... i like to make my own stuff if you know what i mean, like i used to make moonshine when i messed with alchy. so i ended up making some dmt and i had a good amount. The night i finished it i tried a small amount to see what the drug was like, i knew almost immediatly it was good stuff and i felt what dmt was about.

Id use a da buddha vaporizer to smoke the spice and i had a good amount of low dose, non-breakthrough dmt trips that i enjoyed. i would even redose after trippin because i had so much and you could just keep smoking it. i remember one night me and my girlfreind spent a few hours tripping and i actually i had a stronger trip while laying next to her which was a very pleasureable experiance but it was not a breakthrough trip. I had great visuals though.

Me and one of my very good freinds had been talking about dmt for a while so i wanted to breakthrough with him. we decided to load the buddha up with a bunch of dmt and we went into this small closet of mine that i had decorated as a trip room(carpet on the wall, posters,color changing leds) which in hindsite was a bad idea because a closet is not a place you wanna trip i feel like.

I dont remember my trip very weell but im gonna do my best haha.We smoked a bit and were feeling it so we just went all out, or atleast i did. i took to massive hits that i held for a while and instantly i was gone into hyperspace i guess you guys call it haha. Well it was going for a bit but i began to loose it. I was stuck in a loop where i would tilt my head and then say something and it really scared me. something about my dad also scared me i think i perceived that me and my dad where much more alike than i had ever imagined. To me when i was tripping i felt like i was watching myself go insane. Everything i was doing and thinking made me think like i had done something very bad and that i would never be the same and that i would be crazy/insane.. i thought i was gonna have to got to a mental hospital or something. And finnaly theres the entities everybody talks about... the elves. The idea and the perception of these entities scares me more than anything else. the fact that different people can experiance the same thing in there minds, just doesnt make sense to me. during my trip i encountered these entities that were black but they had thin strips of rainbow colors all over them. there were two of them and they were looking at me and it felt like they were messing with me. part of why it scares me so much is that they are litterally pretty much atsactly like some of these things right here:
https://www.dmt-nexus.me...aspx?g=posts&t=42903

How is that possible? what explanation is there for that?

At some point during the trip i was so scared i had to escape somehow so i ran out of the closet into my living room to sit down. at that point i knew it was just a trip and that i would be sober very soon so i waited in that room staring at the wall waiting for the trip to end which felt like forever but eventually it subsided. almost immediatly after the trip i was "fine". i knew everthing was fine and i wasnt scared of being insane anymore but i was still "mindfucked".

After that i really didnt have a desire to ever use DMT again but still i didnt want to completly swear off dmt so i tried it in very small doses a few times after that and just one very small puff is enough to send me into a paranoia even though i was able still able to mantain control. Once i feel the DMT its just not good. Even with no changhes in vision the feeling of the DMT taking effect is enougbh to completly set me off. I dont think i will ever use it again.

Another thing that i dont understand is that sometimes when i use mushrooms, it takes me to a "bad place" in my mind that is very reminicant of DMT. One thing that makes me feel that way is the "vision frequency" if you know what i mean. Like how you feel like your vision has frequecny of like a few hunder times a minute like on/off?

Anyways thats what ive got so far so let me know what you guys think!

Locking yourself in a closet to take one of the most powerful psychedelics on the planet

Mind=Boggled

In all fairness I'm confused how somebody could say they did the research then go and do something like that. I am admittedly biased in my reasons for consumption but if you ignore all the research (which states intent, set and setting is paramount) then it's no wonder you were put off.

I would recommend giving a bit of time and if you ever feel ready making sure you place those three aspect (intent, set, setting) as being of absolute priority.

If you manage to do so without any psychosomatic recall from the previous session (that then potentially drags you into similar spaces) then you will experience more of what this molecule can offer.

I hope this has not come across as disrespectful to yourself, sure wasn't meant that way.

haha beleive me i understand that very well now, its just at the time it did not occour to me, i dont know if i would say it was from not enough research as DMT is nlot something you can extract just willy nilly(sorta) usually i treat my pyschedelics and drugs with respect.i think it was mainly a spur of the moment thing that i didnt think through.

Im not really trying to do DMT again as much as im trying to get more insight on my experience. i dont know if itll ever be something ill be able to enjoy again, im not saying i couldnt re-acclimate myself if i really tried but i dont even think i would want to, i dont think DMT is my drug.

I don't there is anything that can prepare you for that first
Insane blast off into weird ville . I remember being terrified
To my core on many occasions .

All the safety stuff on nexus is here for a really good reason .
It's understandable to underestimate the power of this stuff .
Sometimes for many this realization comes in the midst of
The most intense and bizarre experience of they're life.

It has alot to do with learning about fear .

Integrate integrate integrate!

I like a concept I got from here, that a difficult trip = a tough but real learning opportunity.

To lay off of psychedelics or not is your call, but laying off a while to integrate is probably a decent idea.