I doubt you'll read it all but i have to tell someone my family thinks I make this stuff up but its only becuase they are two wrapped up in things then "communication" with eachother... can't blame them everyone is worried about "money" these days....
if you hang out in the chat room you might remember having PTSD freakouts and saying things like "ZOMG DMT has really opened up some stuff" or "DMT has really fucked me up" but really it just let it out and i didn't want to see the truth yet of what happened these memories that were unlocked (whew).


So with out getting too much into my personal life, I must say that I've smoked dmt about 20 times, my first (times) was two years ago and I did it 5 times within a month and then wasn’t able to get a hold of it for two years about a year ago I drank B. cappi (with out any light, or dmt or dmt leaves just straight b.cappi brew with all seriousness i might add, the chopping, singing, chanting, and most importantly healing intentions) I might note that I could always tell their was something wrong with my body and my head but my soul was still intact (besides the damaged body and psyche/mind).

My first dmt experiences showed me my future, the B. cappi experience showed me my past whilst healing my boddy in the present. The first all b. cappi brew it said.... nothing... silence, All i was told that i was being watched and nothing could be said other wise until i was ready...It was more of a "discovering" communication rather than a "speech" or dialoge like "You are not ready for b.caapi" it was more like a neutral communication like "We have alot to do".... Alot to do i wondered? What was there to do expect -- per haps help me with my social skills to help me find some income a job maybe? oh boy was i quite wrong. nothing else was told to me with the all b. caapi experience other than "Its safe to go to sleep" which was comforting and i fell asleep for what my iphone accumulated stop watch timer said "around 60 minutes" when i woke up (plus the 10-30 mins it took to really notice that "something was working"

My 2nd b. cappi experience (just all b. cappi still no dmt mixed in) said to me... You must stay awake this entire time... in fact its best if you try to stay up an hour or two more than usual schedule (mind you i did the same ritual and didn't eat anything except 3 eggs (cooked) in the morning and 1 egg (cooked) about 2 hours before i drank the brew)

so i drank the cappi and within 5-10 minutes i was instantly felt social and was SUPER EAGER to go out side and talk and talk and talk.... every time i was about to call a number to talk to a friend about well ANYTHING for fun(which mind you i usually pretend im busy in public and mostly private just to refuse to talk to anyone) i told my self "NO" this is time allotted to healing (as per my intentions directed).

So inner dialogue helped me walk through what was going on, i could feel a nice warm sensation in my body... healing.... it was super hot... like there was SOME INTENSE HEALING GOING ON!!! it felt like my insides were too fucked up to puke! (excuse my language). I dont know why i felt that way... all i ever do is stay inside i never get hurt in my stomach. 1 hour later i feel a nice warm sensation prickle up my back -- i wonder to my self "Why is there healing going on there? especially what feels like intense healing? i never get hurt in my back i just stay in side mostly i don't even do intense exercise... perhaps im just over thinking this whole experience"

So I go into my calm, cold bathroom, i feel tons of heat radiating off of me, almost like hot cold mixed water... I must be over thinking this away to much my head is hot.... I start chanting and playing my didgeridoo and shake my raddle all at the same time in unison to help calm the "hot" storm that was going on in my body after all with out a shaman around i don't know what else to do about all these sensations....thankfull there is no dmt in this mix i don't know what i would be feeling at this point.

As the b. cappi feeling dies down(my body stops feeling so "hot" and radiant in skin temperature) i want to utilize the socialness feeling (for some reason i feel its okay to do this respectfully now) I’ve had since i drank the brew, so i call my currently lifetime lover up and ask her to take me to the store as "I feel GREAT!" and she was aware of what i was going through with the brew thing. Well i get in the car her friend is in the passenger and im in the backseat and my lover is driving. Well we are talking about something and she askes me if i want something from "mcdonalds"..... well for some reason I start yelling in a non-aggresive manner sooo non-aggressive that my lover just thinks im having a "man period" and wants to complain so she turns up the music in response. soo all of a sudden i get quiet and in my mind there is a movie playing and physically im "spacing out" looking at the window not "vocally responding" (something that is normal of my nature at the time) so nobody notices... well the movie playing in my head was when i was bullied by a "instructor" from the Christian school I attended when i was 17 (im 23 now). The movie/memory was when we went on a "national Christian" trip which went quite well and was super fun, well apparently there was a "bully" teacher that I was unaware of. (because everyone was so fear full they didn't want to discuss to any one else the things he did while everyones backs were turned)

Please note I'm not against christians or chrisitan communities they are some great and respectful ones but the ones that are not "true" to gods word sometimes lets "bad mamajamas" inside the community especially out of fear (weather it be legal matters of firing that teacher or w/e or physical harm, etc).

Well this bully teacher was assigned to give me and another student (about my age) ride to the trip back down to California... anyways I guess i said something that he didn't like "my movie/memory" shows me that he was against womens rights and i was saying "you know women can be very helpful if you just communicate with them"... and he mumbled stuff like "Oh i communicate with them with them.... with my fists", the other student laughs, or w/e and so for the most part I'm quiet the entire ride and it seems like ever since that moment these two persons were against me with their posture, words, "vibrations" (if you believe in that thing) i tried to be neutral as possible and out of no where the driver(bully teacher) starts joking around like "were gonna get you a happy meal hahahah" and so i start to laugh like "What about a big mac? lol!!" and he pulls the car over and starts punching me in the head (or at leasts attempts to while I instinctively block my face), so he starts punching me in the sides to get me to lower my hands and he gets three hard good swings into my head and i just don't know what happens after this point, i vaugly remember saying i felt sick and had to go the hospital and didn't feel good and just remmber him yelling "DON"T YOU FUCKING THROW UP IN MY CAR!" -- I just remember crying and not trying to be loud out of fear i would get hit again... well i start crying annoyingly again and he pulls over and start punching me again and this time in front of the other Christian vans (which are pulled over for the first time) and the Christian van they are all laughing (probubly not at me but at the time i thought it was me i doubt they were paying attention being 20 feet parked ahead of us) well one of the teachers finally noticed im getting punched very hard and hes yelling "HE WONT LEAVE MY CAR HE WONT LEAVE MY CAR" and hes just punching me and the "chaperones" just stand there and watch like I deserved it (which i just recently read about the "By stander effect" which leads me to believe that is what actually happened and they didn't plan the "beating" just the bully teacher).... so any ways he yells "GET OUT OF MY CAR" and I yell (so everyone can hear) "YOUR BLOCKING MY PATH I CAN"T LEAVE" and he says "DON"T YELL AT ME!!!" and punches me once more and that’s when the chaperones step in and say "stop hes not doing anything" and they just stand there... long story short we arrive at the California Christian school and I'm just dying to get into my moms truck i feel like shit i need to go to the hospital....

Well i get into the car and my mom starts YELLING AT THE TOP OF HER LUNGS "I WAITED TWO FUCKING HOURS!!! WTF!?!?!?" it felt like its my fault that the entire school was late.... "THEY SAID THEY HAD TO STOP AT ALL THESE PLACES" it felt like when she said that she was "secretly" apart of the beating or perhaps being lied to so i would get yelled at. either way i got yelled at from my mom..... "

She just goes on and on,, and i start yellijng mom i had a bad trip i feel like shit (she interuppets me) "THEY TOLD ME IT WAS YOUR FAULT THAT YOU WERE TWO HOURS LATE!!" (so i yell back) "YOU HAVE NO IDEA WHAT I"VE BEEN THROUGH!!!" (so she starts getting louder) and im like mom we need to stop yelling my head hurts really bad.. i feel like shit i need medical attention!! (So she yells at me) "STOP BEING SUCH AN ANTI SOCIAL YOU JUST THINK YOUR BEING PUNCHED BUT IM JUST YELLING!!!!" (mind you i never mentioned a word about being punched at this point so i auto matically assume she is part of the setup of the "beating" which at this point i don't believe any more). So i blurt out the first thing i can think of to stop hearing the yelling "MOM THEY TOLD EVERYONE STUPID LIES THAT EACH KID WAS LATE!!!" and she believed me like i some how magically knew that fact.

So I completely forgot what happened that day ever since
but there was always a lingering feeling so I knew i needed healing sort of.

anyways I snap out of my moive and go "FUCK b.cappi is crazy shit making me think things that didn't happen" and I'm talking with my lover and ask "what have i being doing this entire time?" and my lover responds you've been sitting there like a good boy! (in a cute lover voice)

So i tell myself... what if that memory was real and i just diluted it to think it was fake... So i told my self "don't judge the exprience if it was real it was real if it was fake it was fake... we don't know yet....

well here i am a year later and now I realise that was a real experience. becuase ever scince then 2 more "encounters" with that same person happened -- once more at a "youth" the guy attended and "watched over kids" for and another time in front of safeway parking lot.... It wasn't until the safe way parking lot indecent happened that i conected it all.. becuase long story short at safeway the punched me in the arm and wonders to him self (out loud vocally) "Who else took my punches like that?" and yells "YOUR THE GUY FROM THE CHURCH AND THE SCHOOL?" and start non-stop punching me in broad daylight safeway parking lot it (mind you every time i tried to run he grabbed my shoulder and pants so i couldn't go anywhere) itwasen't until thankfull a bystander say "HEY WHAT ARE YOU DOING?" that i was able to get away......

Anyways I firmly believe i would have that "horrible" memory locked away inside if it weren't for the combination of heavy meditating and intention of healing with Dmt(smoking it), and most importantly B. caapi.

Thanks for reading my tale and "watch out" and be "safe" no matter what the "logo" or image or label anyone has they are still imperfect people that can hurt others cheers mates