So Ive been having the calling for a week or so now but have decided to put it off as I recently relapsed with heroin, and at work of all places.I went on a two day bender and it was different this time. I felt meth'd out if you will- opiates generally do speed me up but this time I felt sketchy, sweaty and out of place.I also left home for 3 days and considered breaking up with my fiance because I have felt as though the relationship wasnt as full as it could/should be.after being clean aagin for two days, I decided to come home and hash things out with my lover. I did alot of thinking and being that I do love this girl, I brought up the fact that maybe the engagement was putting the strain on the relationship, we decided to call off the wedding and just enjoy life for what it is right now. now, as I was saying I have been feeling the calling but have been ignoring it. During those 3 nights I was gone, I stayed with what used to be a friend. I had left my stash of D at his apartment while I was at work , and moving around.This not-so-much of a friend ,stole 80 dollars out of MY bank account when I loaned him MY debit card to buy HIM a pack of smokes( I got the money back, but yea..). I was sure my D was gone but I got my stash back. As soon as I got it back I wanted to know if he had taken any or all of it. I opened the container that my goods were in- all was still present- thank god. Any how, about two weeks ago I had just finished a new batch that left me with a red pull and some very orange spice- I used bestine which was strange casue it is usually all white minus a little yellow from time to time. I did a few sodium carbonate washes on this and two RE X's.
Ive never done a RE X before this so I was curious to see how the spice was.

I didnt want to smoalk a full dose as I had to work that day so I threw roughly 15-25 mgs on some foil. I took a rip and as Im holding it in I realized that I was going to need to sit down. I rush to the couch and lay back. Within seconds I am taken to the room. The same room that I have been taken to -no matter the dose- the last 3 times I journeyed.This room has an energy to it that feels almost nurturing but I feel as though I am being held back, from going farther.I see the outline of a woman a few feet in front of me and she then molds into a couple making love that are emenating energy.something still feels funny, then the thoughts/questions begin "why do you even smoke this stuff anymore, Is this all there is too it?- "I shouldnt of done a batch, the cops surely know"- And "You need to leave youre girlfriend, you have trouble letting go, you always have." The energy is molding a morphing and appears to be studying me.I start thinking about a post I read on parasitic entities I read earlier in the week and decide Im going to test this being. As soon as the thought came into my mind , I began thinking " what if this is good energy and I offend it?"- I decide to give it a go anyway. I try making up a mantra involving love but I cant think clearly, string together a sentence even. I finally tell it "I am only here to further my self and increase the amount of love I am able to give".As I say this The being takes the shape of a hornet and is standing directly in front of and above me I could feel my naval and heart chakras being drained or toyed with. I tell it " If you are not of love and light, then leave". immediatley as I said this the being went from gold and reds to brown and greens in color. I kept repeating this to it and it changed shape. The being originally was organic and liquid in nature but changed into triangles and other sharp angles. I could feel it growing weaker and at the same time, I felt white light emenating from my crown chakra.Pieces of the beings energy shattered in a few small areas but all of this was quite intense so I opened my eyes.The first thing I noticed was a can of raid on the coffee table. I felt a huge relief/weight lifted after this. I believe there is an energy form that is preventing me from hyperspace/ and moving forward in life. I also believe I damaged it but I dont think I fully removed/ banished it. I did a little research last night and found the term SPE - suppressive parasitic entity, and I believe it may have gotten in when I was in the depths of my addiction. Could this be what I am dealing with? Anyone else have anything similar?

Well speaking from a shamanic viewpoint, yes, that is a negative spirit you must banish. From my own experiences I've been shown shadow entities which have roles which are warranted by dharma. You can take things into your own hands or just let nature run its course.

Now my logic and reasoning would say its all in your head, which works well for anything, however not as fun.