Last night, I failed for the first time with administering my dose, which was 55mg's.

Half way through I realized I didn't preheat it long enough and had been sloppy with my breathing technique etc., so I stopped, accepting defeat, OEV's far from what I aimed at and CEV's showing me what could had been. Regardless of the failure I learned something, for the first time I had successfully remembered the feeling and event taking place when I'm about to launch, but in this case did not.

It's a completely terrifying state where I'm rapidly dissolving into nothing, while simultaneously "leaking" into another world, piece by piece. From now on I know, and can safely remember how brutal "it" is, the breakthrough. It's violent and without patience or any concerns for safety that I'm savagely killed in order to be out-of-body and in some sense reborn.

With the failure in mind however, I did not rest easily that night, it nagged me crazy and induced me with fearful and confusing dreams as I later on finally fell asleep.

Upon waking up I did my chores and studies, taking out the dog etc... My girlfriend decided to go and workout at the gym, I however, still having a sore throat from singing to much decided against doing so and stayed at home.

After accepting defeat from last night’s failure I was eager to try again, for some reason I had "forgotten" about the dismembering breakthrough qualities of DMT and longed to relive them. Having failed the said dose on 55mg's, there were still approximately half of the spice left intact, recrystallized upon cooling down from its former liquefied state.

I estimated the leftovers to be 20mg's~ and loaded up another 60mg's, my goal: Total annihilation and sobering up in time for my girlfriends return, surely 80mg's was the right dose for this achievement, right?

Confident I loaded up the machine, tending to the procedure with great care to avoid another misfire; I melted the spice onto the wool and plugged it into the bottles neck.

I sat down in my sofa, preheated the spice for another minute until everything had melted and proceeded to exercise diaphragmatic breathing meanwhile.

Slowly, I began inhaling the vapour, the flame (candle) was placed right beneath the wool and the vapour was quite warm although smooth, I exhaled the first toke after 8 seconds and proceeded to take two more in the same fashion as the first, except during which I had stopped heating since the chamber was filled up with thick vapour and the spice was already depleted. These last two tokes were the thickest hits of smoke I've ever taken and I was gone after the second, third went on autopilot.

Upon seeing the Machine morph into all sorts of things while trying to put it down, I said: Shit (Thinking I had done it this time) I blew out the candle and there was smoke everywhere, had I forgotten to exhale the third hit? Probably.

I can't recall laying back in the sofa or anything, the only thing I can surely remember is the sheer power, the force of something grabbing my brain and ripping it out through my skull in an explosion of psychedelia.

I died and was reborn in some sludgy, foul kind of liquid; I was in a struggle between life and death.

The next thing I can put in words is hysteria as my nutty dog started shouting and probably killed me again, by a freaking heart attack this time, I "plunged out" of this sludgy stuff, still pulling me down to the sofa, I still felt as if I was drowning and there was just too much stuff going on, and WHAT A RUDE AWAKENING (Bad dog!). Edit- By this time 15minutes had passed-

I had snapped out of it, I had survived, or had I? Strong waves of psychedelia( I'm lacking words to express this experience as you may have noticed) hit me and I couldn't come out of the sofa, I couldn't think, I had no thought or mind, who am I?... where am I? What the heck is going on!?

I had no clue of anything and of course the feeling of overdose struck me hard, was I dead? Can you be killed by spice? My thoughts had come back to me, although filled with despair, killed by psychedelic? Such nonsense, such hilarious nonsense I furiously repeated to myself, out loud. I might add.

I felt completely broken and dead, luckily I've experienced ego death a couple of times before and wasn't freaking out completely, and I just had the ordinary "Oh god" thing going on for about 10 minutes.

Things slowly started to come back but I was still a nutcase running around the house by this time, with my motor skills close to zero I must have looked dead-drunk, I was putting back the candle... packing down my "altar" of sacred paraphernalia thinking my dog had been alarmed by my gf's return.

Funny thing is, I can now recall that when I got out of the experience I screamed really loud, I can't remember exactly what, but it must've been my psychotic state of mind and madman-behaviour that scared the living crap out of my dog, which consequently made him bark like mad, in turn startling me even more

I relocated myself to the bed but the effects were still immense, unreal, or as I like to call it; Too real. It was becoming increasingly uncomfortable and I think I passed out for some time, upon "waking up" my dog was staring at me, he looked very confused, presumedly as did I.

Effects were still heavy, 30 minutes had passed and I felt like I'd tumbled down the rabbithole, while on spice. My mind had begun racing like crazy and told me to stay off that stuff for some time and that I will.

So is DMT "The businessmans trip"? In the dosage range I'm fiddling with, no. With these large dosages you need to dedicate yourself to the preparation of set and setting, it's essential for a "good" experience. Having a 1-hour window with your antsy dog at home IS NOT the ideal launch pad!

This experience was every bit and then some- of potential I've ever wanted to experience and my last words in this madly-raving post will be:

You don't experience DMT, you become the very essence of it.


Be careful what you wish for
-Chuck 'signing off' for some time.

hiding your use from your girlfriend doesn't seem like a clear conscious mind when journeying, but it's obviously your relationship not mine.

the dose was also more than heroic, I'm not surprised you had such an intense experience.

good luck, and I look forward to hearing more from you

I don't hide anything to her, but I took the opportunity to be alone for the bliss of solitude, something I prefer when using spice, since my perception of time is obliterated I just don't know what's happened or for how long it's been going on when coming out of the experience. Usually I can't read nor recognize anything for some time while coming down on these dosages and this comes with some natural unease as you feel "permafried".

I did however get the feeling/need to put away the paraphernalia before her return, this happens during most substance use though, wether it's alcohol or spice doesn't matter, it's just some fixation I have, being "proper" . By now I've shared my experience with her and reflected upon it

I don't hide my use at all because I am who I am, everyone who knows me, knows of my use with psychedelics, I even grow some of them openly in the living room Although the plants I grow are legal where I live, the use of them as drugs is not.

Cheers

Welcome back, soldier.

80mgs is nuts. I can't even begin to imagine it.

So, would you mind if I ask what you got out of that? Sounds like you just blacked out, 80mg would sure as hell black me out...I know the feeling, it happens to me when I smoke large doses. I guess I just had enough at some point of working with DMT that way and eventaully began to find much more relevance in oral DMT..this was after smoking a few hundred times though. Of course SOMETHING is going on in that place for sure, I just cant for the life of me remember it at those doses..all I can remember is dissolving and then snapping back to reality sometime later.

I REALLY dislike that feeling..of comming back after I just sort of blanked out not being able to really remember much of what went on..either that or comming up short and having my mind become a psychedelic tornado for 3 minutes..

Not that I dont enjoy vaped DMT as well..at some point I guess unconsciously I just said "enough of this!"..I just cant take much back from vaping like I can from oral, which seems more suited for this monkey body(but that might have as much to do with my own projection as it does anything else) ..and even then with oral, I still have no idea what the thing actaully is. I just know I take so much more back here with me..I guess it is more readable.

Even when I have had actaul breakthroughs with oral on par with smoking, the buildup is soooo gradual that I have the time to allign my consciousness with that state and I guess it allows me to be more present..I still fight it at first and roll around trying to deal with all of it, but being so sustained in the state allows my consciousness long moments of blissful observance and the space needed to reflect realize. It is still scary as hell though at that level!

Thanks! Feels better than ever to be back too

80 was nuts and I can't re-imagine most of it I've also begin to lose the interest in remembering the experience per say, it's a thing you experience, you do it for the experience and not the memory of it.

It's just like when something mind blowing happens, like a star fall, you don't grab the camera to take a photo, you see it with your own eyes and that's all that matters Whenever I feel the "need" to remember a DMT experience, I re-experience it by having a new experience!



Well it wasn't a blackout (that I know of, lol) but when coming down, or out of the experience, would be more precise, I was both physically and mentally exhausted and my grip of anything was just not there, this made me collapse onto my bed were I think I might have blacked out / fall asleep from fatigue

Well all of my psychedelic-induced journeys are deeply rooted with my past from when I was a child till the day I became a man, even though I still see myself as a child exploring the patterns on the floor in my parents living room.

When I was a kid things felt real as "real" feels, or at least felt...

While growing up and to this very day actually, I have a burning passion for "experiences" of any kind, I thrive by learning new things and new people etc. This came to make my life very difficult by the time I was finishing my last year in high school, because I'd always put a great amount of trust and respect in teachers, and adults per say.

Being interested in botanical studies I, one day came over a known fact about cannabis being deadly and a gateway drug etc. but this time in a completely different manner, the article was actually ridiculing these "obsolete" fabrications about pot. I was astonished by these new "facts" to say at least, and I did the right thing to do which was to confront my teacher with this newly found information.

From there on I quickly came learn about the two sides of "truth" in our society and boy did I despise it, I rebelled against it, my teachers, and my parents for believing in such nonsense just because the 'lord o' might Law' says this and that.

Do they NOT check the law for sources? I found this both ridiculous and outraging and went about with spreading the word to my fellow men and women, something that came to upset alot of my former idolized adults...

About the same time I had begun feeling a strong sense of disconnection to other people and to myself, a sort of alienation to my own kindred. My life had become completely surreal, a lot of the time I didn’t know what I was doing, it was as if I was going on autopilot all day long just to cope with my new undesired discoveries I'd made about my own culture and blood...

With this feeling, came the truth-seeking, I read and read and finally I found my answer through botanic, more precisely: Psychedelic plants.

On this road however, I bumped into several mishaps while experimenting with mushrooms and mescaline, after a very large dose (30g Atlantis scletoria) I developed HPPD, after which I realized that even psychedelic drugs aren't without its safety concerns, more than of your own sanity that is

Then, one shitty day, I meet a strange hippie whom I engaged in a conversation with, after some time I told him about my ongoing search for truth and he explained to me why I had failed. I was apparently using the wrong kind of psychedelics, these weren't able (or too expensive to do so - IE Mescaline) to put me that "far out".

I told him I wanted to experience a new life or at least, a stronger attachment to my current, and so he introduced me to ayahuasca while of course making it sound like some real mumbo-jumbo business. Regardless, after the first experience I knew I was in the right ballpark, I had seen the untold potential of DMT and my life had already taken a turn for the better.

Whenever I disembody myself through the use of psychedelics, in these cases with DMT, I truly feel alive, attached (pun intended), and a whole new sense and reason to live this life takes place.

Schizophrenia is a recurring state I experience while on larger doses of psychedelic drugs, especially with psilocin but I've come to realize that even DMT may sometimes induce it as well.

The "true DMT experience" as I like to call it, is always unique BUT does always bring back one thing to me, which is reality.

In a sense DMT is the only substance that has ever reinstated me into reality.

So to summarize my short novel for you Jamie: By taking large doses of the sacred spice I've come to grow so fond of I am temporarily able to see untold things, make new and revolutionary discoveries by every turn and truly live life.

I've always chased myself down the rabbit hole for the most intense, life-changing experience and I'm 100% confident I've finally found it in the spice It's my truth serum.

I live for spice and the spice lives through me

Oh I agree with you that large doses are wonderful and for me, necessary to keep myself in check..it is the method of administration that is important for me though..I find that for me I bring so much more back and feel way more "healed" after ayahuasca than vaping..but that is just me..and if you get alot from smoking than that is great. That is not to say I did not get alot from smoking DMT, becasue I definatly have..I also smoked it daily in meditation for a year though until I really got deep into ayahuasca so it was a natural progression.

I also agree, with ayahuasca being more of a healing medium than freebase DMT, mostly because of La Purga, after which I feel both cleansed and healed

This is something I find really funny since most people using DMT orally wants to avoid spilling their guts out through every orifice of their body when this is exactly what I'm aiming for when using traditional ayahuasca, to rid my body of evil through La Purga.

The hallucinations is a mere side-effect of ayahusaca with the traditional administration, although that statement is up to debate since it's used in a lot of different areas, medicinally, spiritually etc.

Personally I prefer mild doses of ayahuasca, that way I will puke/shit like mad, but atleast not uncontrollably all over myself

Evisceratechuck, Ive just put my hat on so that I can take it off to you.80mg? Mister, you're a better man than I!!!!

80mg?! Wowza! I don't think my poor little brain could manage that!

I thank all of you for the friendly backslapping

This experience made me see a truth, embedded in "that within which passeth show"1 induced by the "full potential" of the spice.

I say "full potential" because of the fact that I first thought I'd reached it at my first 30mg dose, than on my first 40mg etc., who is to say what the "full" range of potential is like? Just a thought... *cough* A. Shulgin did 100mg *cough*

However... because of this experience I've actually begin to feel "real", or whole again, one could say. I feel as if I've had my residing "evil's" within me abolished and I feel absolutely no need, whatsoever, to use spice anytime soon again.

My thirst for exploration tipped over the horizon and luckily, popped up on the other side.

Spice is the sine qua non for my spiritual journeying in life and I worship this sacred molecule, it's my religion, my altar and: My great and finally honest teacher.


1 Shakespeare, Hamlet Act 1, scene 2

My apologies chuck I misunderstood your wording

No worries Sky Motion, I realized that I needed to further explain myself anyway after reding your post

Thanks for pointing it out!