Since my last serious psychedelic experience that went horribly wrong, more than 6 months ago, i hadn´t touched any of the psychedelic stuff anymore. I don´t know why exactly...it just didn´t feel right anymore. Maybe it was some sort of anxiety, but everytime i wanted to try it again, i managed to find a good excuse not to.
Maybe it´s like when you had a car accident, and you just have to make that big step to go and sit behind the wheel again...or otherwise you´ll grow some new phobia inside your head that will suck the courage out of your soul like some alpha-male leach with a major drinking problem.
My last psychedelic experience had been realy traumatic. In my greed for psychedelic experience i had managed to induce some severe reaction in my body that was probably serotonin-syndrome although i didn´t went to see a doctor, so there wasn´t some official diagnose. It was extremely painfull though, and a truly horrible experience.
The months that followed, i just wasn´t quite myself anymore. Well, ofcourse i still was myself. But i just lost my balance somewhat. I even started smoking weed again, numbing my mind. Always finding myself some real lousy excuse to smoke that stuff.
I think that serotonin-syndrome causes some receptors to burn-out, or something. It took me some time to find my balance again.
But tonight....well, it was about time i took the plunge again. A new year...no excuse. If i would have dodged it this time....it probably would have become an issue. A serious, paralising fear that grows and grows like it´s a greek interest rate on contracts on expensive, porcelain dishes: Hoppa!
Well, can´t have that ofcourse. I just like it too much.
So, finally...i did some nice fractaldiving again with a moderate dose of 50 grams of chacruna and a 50 gram-caapi tincture. No need to overdo it, it´s a bit like a first-time again. Just getting my feets wet to see if a can still swim in that soup.
And to my great joy
i haven´t lost it!!!
Great to be back..WOW!!!!