Or maybe I'm made of wood, or copper. My hands are fused together, lying on my belly. Instead of sitting cross legged, I have my legs over the edge of the counter top and I'm swinging them back and forth, like a child on a too large chair. My legs are spindly little orange Spngebob legs. Maybe I'm more like a tikki head or an Easter Island head. I'm in a big room. Gymnasium size? Or the size of a small doctors examining room, or both. The big room is empty. Except they are there. The male entity and the female entity. And he doesn't have much to say. He is on my left. She is on my right. She has plenty to say. She's also sticking something in my right ear. I can feel it. Whenever she is more present, we are in the small room. There are machines all over the walls. Blinking lights and fractal readouts. She is telling me this: All of these people who think they are psychonauts.... they have it backwards. What they consider to be their real life, is really the trip. She is telling me that I can't remember, because of some protocol or something, but I work for ?????? (an agency?) (a military organization?) (a scientific institution?) ????? and that every time I smoke DMT, it is because I've been called in for some sort of maintenance or servicing, or debriefing.

And so much more... But there's always more. (Interstellar appeal)

but back to real life for now.

I find it interesting that there are very distinct entity characteristics based on which side they appear. The left side entities are always darker and slightly menacing.
The entities on my right are unfailingly female, comforting and helpful, sometimes even sexual. I'll have to tell you about Brendala in another post (and her left side counterpart Samanthala ), she (they) are a recurring entity that show up every time I add a tiny bit of an everyday common cooking herb to my changa. Very sensual and sexual. I felt like I had cheated on my wife after the first time I encountered Brendala. I told my wife and she is okay with me having a thing with an entity from hyperspace.
I am left handed and a creative type, Is this related to the left right entity thing? Also: I have slight hearing loss in my right ear, lower right back issues and seem to be developing upper right back issues. Also: When I turned on my stereo today for my changa session ( As Falls Witchita, So Falls Witchita Falls by Pat Metheny and Lyle Mays) the right channel was cutting in and out. Hmmm.

Another thing: I've been having a lot of stress in my life lately. My father is dying of cancer. My mother is slipping further into dementia every day. Then last night my wife went to the emergency room and found out she needs to have her gall bladder removed. Merry X-mas! It's all piling up. This stress is all pretty new. It's been getting really intense for the last 4 or so weeks. I hadn't used any DMT for a few months and then when all of this stress started, it called to me. I was very hesitant at first, but I finally took the plunge. Ive smoked changa three times in the last 14 days and it seems to be very helpful. I'll post about my anxiety pain/resolution trip later.

Anyone have any thoughts on any of this?

Welcome to the Nexus. Sounds like you'll fit right in. I am very sorry to hear about your troubles - some phases in life are more difficult, challenging us in new ways. I hope you feel less stressed soon. Stress is fear, and fear, to quote mr. Herbert, is the "mindkiller".

BTW, I like your writing style.



This is actually very uncommonly common. I wrote a trip about 4 hits of acid I ingested (called Lucy dreams of Lucy dreaming of Lucy dreams - you can find it in the LSD LSA LSH subforum), in which I was convinced That a contract had been signed, that I had agreed to this experience as JBArk, and that the tryptamines are keys that unlock this secret temporarily. At the time, the truth of it was self-evident, the contract as real as the keys I type now...

Take care and take it easy and above all, welcome again!

Cheers,
JBArk

Wow, I just read your post. Incredible stuff. I'm glad you like my writing style. You'll find that I'm very inconsistent though. Sometimes it clicks, sometimes it doesn't. Just like my guitar playing. Some days I can channel the essence of Robert Fripp or Fred Frith or whichever guitarist I've been listening to too much. Some days, my playing is purely me and I can flow with ease. Some days, I can barely play. My writing is as variable. It also has that chameleonic stickiness. The more individual the voice of the writer I'm reading is, the more likely I'll pick up their rhythms and stylistic flourishes. I don't try. It just happens. The worst invaders are Wm S. Burroughs and Kurt Vonnegut. Especially Vonnegut. Geez. Anyway, after reading your writing, I am truly pleased that you enjoyed my writing style. A nice mood lift. Thanks.

I have had the solopsistic thing, but in the dentist chair breathing a high concentration of nitrous. It happens every time now. I've also had ego loss with nitrous.

And thank you for reminding me of the "little death" that Herbert spoke of. It's easy to forget.

Glad you like my writing as well! I just posted a report on K, MDMA and nitrous if you're interested. Here is PART 1. Leave a comment and let me know what you think! There are also a couple in the mushroom subforum (mycomysterium and mycopax) and a few more in the salvia one.

JBArk

I had read that post already and didn't remember it was by you. Wow. The title of the post drew me right in. Quite a good hook.
I had I.M. K once and it was very odd. A low dose. Just total disassociation. Not much more, but not very pleasant. I recently had a very negative experience with something that was supposedly MDMA, but was NOT. I should have known better and not taken it. I had the real deal in the 80's. I'd like to do it at least one more time. Anne Shulgin says it's something that decreases in effectiveness every time you use it, which is unfortunate, but kind of cool if you really think about it. If you approach it as a tool for mental and metaphysical growth you shouldn't need it more than a few times in your life.
My bad experience was awful. I'll post on it soon. If that stuff is what passes as MDMA these days, I feel truly sorry for the kids these days (18+ of course)

sir Niles, I'm very sorry to hear about this misery you are going through. For what it's worth I find it very admirable of you to post about this with such honesty. I hope you will find comfort in your experiences with dmt and that you will find support from all the kind people on this forum.

Thanks Hexagonal. I'm going through a lot, but I hope I can learn from it. I was having HUGE amounts of stress and DMT seemed to help me get a better perspective on things. Helped me realize that all of the stuff that I'm getting so upset about is transitory and there is so much going on behind the scenes, that I probably have no idea of what's really going on. I don't know why that's a comforting thought. I know it must sound bleak, or like a cop out to some people. I think there's a mystery to DMT. I don't know if it's all brain chemistry or if there is something larger going on. I just feel that very careful use of it mixed with Cappi seems to have had an attenuating effect on my stress and anxiety. Or, it could be just spending time with my situation. At the very least, my changa experiences haven't seemed to hurt and were stunningly interesting.
Thanks.

Sounds like a rough ride mr_Niles.



What, pray tell is the "common everyday cooking herb" you speak of?

light n blessings

Your experience sounds intriguing, Niles. Any experiences I've had with male and female entities don't necessarily choose sides, rather, they have totally different intentions. One is usually extremely disturbed while the other is accepting. The gender-friendly trips are usually the most emotionally distinct for me.

What tiny bit of an everyday common cooking herb added to your changa are you referring to?

Well, I had heard some people say that any herb added to changa changed its character. I was getting my changa out of the refrigerator when I noticed a few stray spikes of rosemary lying there. I thought, what the hell, and added one to my pipe. I don't think the change in character is placebo. Maybe it's suggestion caused by the flavor or something, but there was a radical change. Then she appeared, and does so whenever I add rosemary.
So yeah.. rosemary.

I knew it was going to be Rosemary. I just knew it.

Check this out: http://herbalextractsplus.com/rosemary.cfm