Hi folks. Hope everyone’s well. Sorry if this is a bit long. I’ve been having a mostly solitary first experience with dmt and could use some advice moving forward. All’s well, just need to share, and, hopefully, get some feedback.

I learned about DMT about two years ago from the likes of Joe Rogan, Terence McKenna, Daniel Pinchbeck, and Graham Hancock. Fascinating reports. I immediately knew it was something I was destined to try. Finally obtained a batch about six months ago, and have been sitting on it awaiting the perfect setting. Got sick of waiting and dove in two weeks ago for the first time. What a couple of weeks. It has certainly been an exhilarating experience, but also a bit frustrating. So, I wanted to share my experiences, the lessons I feel that I’ve learned, and turn to the collective experience of the nexus to help me assimilate these lessons as I move forward.

First, brief bio: male, early thirties, married with kids, happy as hell, great family and group of friends, exercise and meditate often, blessed life, moderate to heavy drinker (primary weakness), weekly toker, haven’t touched hallucinogenics in roughly ten years, although always had wonderful experiences with them, and am considering incorporating them back into my life, on a very moderate basis, for spiritual and ego-suppression purposes.

Brief overview of intent: always planned on ingesting dmt on a clear head with a sitter. Expectations… not sure. Wanted to see what was out there I guess. Hopefully experience pure wisdom and learn something about the connectiveness of all life.

First experience. At home after a night out with a few friends. Beer buzzed and baked. Alone, but happy. Ready, can’t wait any longer although I know this is breaking my self-prescribed rules of having a sitter and a clear head. Small glass water bong. Oregano base, a film of dmt about the size of a dime, maybe less, then another thin layer of oregano. Quiet room with soft lighting. First hit is huge, no fear. I hold it in and hold it in and then it’s like I’m hit by lightening. Enormous energy rush, like I’m an activated light saber. I’m thrumming and feel illuminated from within. Think: holy shit, here we go! Take another meager hit, midway through which my field of vision becomes a web of intricately linked diamonds, within each is a different foreign object. I can’t recall what these objects were, but I remember them being extremely foreign and having a difficult time comprehending them. I feel like this is the energy grid behind it all. It starts to spin. In both directions at once. I’m amazed by how clearly I can see every detail even though it’s spinning unnaturally fast. I close my eyes and the web envelops me like a cyclone, I feel like I meld into it. I feel like I am it, even though I am still watching it. I come back down after maybe two or three minutes and feel supercharged. Thrilled and euphoric. I immediately know that I only glimpsed the potential and did not break through, but am overjoyed by the experience. I immediately pack the bowl again and repeat this two more times, with slightly diminished results.

While this is all true, I’m not entirely sure it’s true at all. My memory of it seems fake somehow, just fragments that may have been imagined. My recollection holds the potency of a tale told by forefathers from a millennia ago. I’m not sure I trust it. It’s a whisper that could just as easily be the wind.

Second Experience: Exactly one week later, this last Thursday. Exact same set of circumstances. By now I’ve convinced myself that I made up most of the effects from the previous week. I’m not even sure that it got me high, it could have been a placebo effect. This time I load more spice between the layers of oregano, a good fluffy dime size. Huge first hit that I hold for about twenty seconds. BAM! Exact same rush of insane energy. I’m instantly in a completely different mindset and visual world. I think: This? How could I forget this! The world is retreating into the energy grid that I remember from before. I want to breakthrough this time for sure so I take another huge hit and hold it in. The next couple of minutes/seconds/not sure are pretty indescribable, but I wouldn’t call it a breakthrough. Probably would have if I wasn’t so intent on taking a third hit, which I originally set out to do, and just let go. Instead I was trying to figure out how to take another hit, but simply couldn’t see through the crystalline field of colors or understand where my bong had gone. I was holding the slide bowl, but had set the bong down on the table. My thought was: Shit! The bong didn’t make it through! I enjoyed the comedown and basked in the afterglow. Wonderful feeling, but not what I was going for. Wanted the quintessential experience, but felt like I fell just short. I need a sitter, I thought, and vowed to wait until I had one.

Third Experience: Friday, the very next day. Dinner with friends. No smoke, but a solid martini and wine buzz. (What happened to waiting for a clear head?!) Get a text from an old friend who I’ve fallen out of touch with. He was the recipient of the other half of the batch that I got and invited me over. Here’s my sitter, I thought. Combined, we have a bit over .5g. He loads a bunch of it into a vapor genie, which I’ve never smoked. I complain about the amount, but have heard the theory that one can’t really smoke too much, so decide to plow forward. I hit it first. I have a sitter, and am jonesing for the elusive breakthrough, so I go full gonzo. Hit it like a fiend. The world begins to quake, my perception filters shatter and I’m immersed in the grid. I’m looking at his thumb triggering the lighter and can discern every molecule of its make-up, the lighter flame is like the jet engine blast of a rocket ship during take-off. Then… I come to a couple of minutes later. Full black-out, no recollection. I feel blissful, but am concerned, frustrated. What the hell happened? They say I politely declined a third hit and quietly nodded off, but did make a guttural sound at one point during the trance. Was it the booze? Was it the dose? Brain fatigue? Ultimately, I feel that it was the dose. We were reckless with the amount and have no idea how much was vaped during my session. Certainly more than my system can handle. I waited an hour and tried again, more cautiously this time. Got the onset rush, but then it just fizzled out. That was the last of my supply, thus marking the end of my two week dmt experiment.

Lessons: Even though I’d say that the experience did not meet my original expectations, I’m overall very satisfied with this initial exploration. Did it go perfectly? No, but what in life usually does.
1) I should have listened to myself and waited to take it with a trusted sitter on a clear head. My number one complaint is how difficult it is to remember and I feel that booze and bud can only cloud the memory further. I feel that these superfluous intoxicants may have dulled its total effects as well.
2) I need to be more particular with the dose. Too much, for me at least, appears to cause system shut down. That’s no fun. Has anyone else experienced a momentary blackout like this? How much do you think the booze contributed or was it likely all dosage? It’s mildly concerning, but ultimately I feel fine, so I’m not going to worry about it too much.
3) I’ve learned that I need to be careful around this stuff. I already think about it more than I should and am grasping for some idealistic experience that, for me, may or may not exist. Even if it does, I worry that I won’t remember it well enough to matter and I’ll keep chasing after it. It’s time to let it go for a while. If I’m meant to explore again, I will, but only under the scenario that I originally set up for myself. I am resolute about that. I feel that if my spirit is seeking a psychedelic experience, it might be better served with one that is easier to integrate, such as with psilocybin or ayahuasca. Also the dmt experience feels a bit technical, mathematical, sci-fi, and alien to me. That’s not necessarily a negative, just not entirely my thing.

If anything, this short, strange episode in my life has reminded me of just how wonderfully weird and beautiful life can be. It’s time that I reconnect as intimately as I am able. With my friends. With my family. To love, to care, connect, and create. This is the attitude I carry into the coming year. Perhaps dmt has played some small part in forging this resolution.

So, thoughts? Advice? Any insights that I may have missed would be welcomed and appreciated.

And if you've made it all the way through this lengthy dissertation, thanks.

Don't analyze too much and exlore further if you feel like doing it, that's my bit of advice. These experiences are hard or impossible to put into words.

Eh?

I've had the blackout aswell as the dose was too high.

I'm doing the same thing(GVG). Just got first try off a wooden one and was surprised at how smooth and potent were the batch off a q21q21's. GVG's a must now.

Yeah, I've read several posts where people say to just load it and go, there's no way to smoke too much. In my limited experience that approach led to a failed trip and a waste of a sizable amount of material. I imagine each individual has a different tolerance threshold, not sure if it gets built up over time or not, but I'll stick to measured amounts from here on out I think.

Well don't listen to anyone who says dose doesn't matter. I guess people you refer to meant if you have had bowl filled with measured amount you cannot smoke too much. That is, DEFINATELY measure your doses by your preference, by eye if you don't have precise scale.

Based on your description, the blackout almost certainly came from too high a dosage. SWIM fell for the advice to load it all up and get as much in as you can. It led to a series of experiences that felt quite traumatic, and it took a couple of months of low dosing and riding waves of panic until she was able to get to a breakthrough amount. Thankfully, everyone here at the Nexus was very supportive and patient during that process.

Marijuana definitely has a dulling effect on the overall journey as well as remembering it. Since beginning to regularly journey with the spice, SWIM has basically given up on pot, except maybe once a month. She would rather be able to have an all clear breakthrough when called.

One thing I have learned here at the Nexus is that what people describe levels of alcohol intoxication *very* differently. What SWIM considers a "buzz" she's fine journeying with, but that comes from a single beer, so your "solid martini and wine buzz" is probably of a different order. Her general rule of thumb is not to vape if she wouldn't be able to safely handle a vehicle.

I think the reason your initial memories of the trip seemed false and what not is because any time you're remembering anything, you're for the most part really not remembering what you saw as much as you're really remembering what you expected to see. For example, let's say you "remember" going to the grocery store. In your head you can picture maybe some of the soda cans and other groceries on the shelves, but it's more because that's what you expect to see or expect you saw. Most of the real and true details such as what particles you may have noticed on the floors or shelves, or other details elude you because they don't meet your expectations for the place. Obviously this is somewhat of an exaggeration, but it applies to your memory of psychedelic experience as well. Your brain wants to attempt to categorize the experience so it's easier to retrieve from your memory. It wants to be able to make reliable expectations of what it expected to see to make it easier to say, "oh yeah, that's what I saw. That's right." The trouble with the DMT experience is that since there is really so little else to compare it to, many of the "labels" that your brain comes up with to try and categorize these memories can be largely inaccurate or false. You also mention how you immediately recalled the feelings and what not on your second trip. I think this has to do with the theory that you can retrieve memories from a certain state more easily when you are in that state. Even if you just take being drunk, or high or whatever; it can be hard to remember exactly how it feels in those states when you're not even though you know the basic effects. I used to get it with salvia all the time. I would come down and almost instantly forget much of what had happened and what it even really felt like (as bizarre as it was) to be in that state. But in those 10 seconds or so on the next trip, after exhaling my hit before being torn out of reality, I would be able to recall many past trips and sensations that I was not yet experiencing with ease.