Recently had the pleasure of meeting Antrocles and enjoying the benefit of his expertise and accompaniment on a trip, but I'm getting ahead of myself.

My first DMT experience was almost 2 years ago. A friend knew I was looking for the spice and was able to get his hands on some, and then promptly moved to Mexico. Eventually I got down there, having smuggled with me, per his suggestion, a small glass pipe in my sock. Neither one of us bothered to research what we were doing and in hindsight I realized we wasted about a third of the 10 or so tiny, individually-wrapped doses by attempting to light the yellowish crystal dust as if smoking ganja, and getting nowhere. Eventually one night I succeeded in getting "high" - not really tripping per se, but achieving something akin to a mild salvia trip - some visuals and a definite body high, but not exactly profound. I was pretty certain I'd done something wrong. The following night we refined our technique (slightly) and I succeeded in having what I feel was a considerably profound and awe-inspiring experience. While I didn't see any of the aliens or robots or elves I'd read so much about, I was completely and overwhelmingly bombarded with information and an emotional intensity I can barely put into words. I felt the somewhat ominous realization that I was remembering something eternal and inherent in my core being, returning to the source from which I came. I was mesmerized by the psychotic animation I seemed to be submerged in to the degree I was part of it, light-speed metallic rainbows which exploded and imploded in on themselves in an endless cascade of total mayhem. I heard my mother's voice sing lullabies in a language I couldn't understand. I heard a mantra of nonsense words which seemed to sing my identity into existence and make "fart" noises at the same time. I was engaged in a sort of telepathic dialog with consciences that were present with me, who insisted that "This is everything". I had the distinct impression that all of reality existed in a finite loop, eternally flowering and collapsing in on itself simply because it could and that to expect anything more than this was pointless. That was a difficult thing to reckon with and the knowledge felt immensely heavy in an emotional sense. When I protested in my mind and thought of my family as proof of my wordly existence, the answer came that they were as aware of all this as I now was. Occasionally (though time seemed nonexistent) the bottom of my field of vision would be interrupted by a small cartoonish elephant wearing clothes (VERY similar to the one on this site's homepage... weird) who would sort of pop up and blow his horn and meanwhile there was a sort of cosmic laughter echoing throughout my mind. I was seated near an open door and could hear a nearby pond with a pump that runs water all night long. The sound of the running water seemed to synchronize with drumming in the distance. I opened my eyes and the floor was a geometrical snake straight out of a Mayan glyph, slowly crawling around the room. Within minutes it had all evaporated although the sound of the drums and the nonsensical song/mantra stayed in my head for an hour - though try as I might, I could not repeat the words I heard or even articulate them in my mind. At the same time, they felt as familiar to me as my body. Perhaps the strangest "post" phenomena was the sense of having lost my ego entirely, that I was free from that burden and experiencing pure thought for the first time in my life. Needless to say, the ego came back within a half hour or so. The day after this experience, when I realized I was forgetting aspects of it, I sat and typed out 4 pages which I have since misplaced, but what I describe above is really only the tip of the iceberg. This was the single most profound and stunning thing I have ever felt or experienced in my life.

My second trip was just a few weeks ago, ironically with the final dose of that initial batch from Mexico. This time we'd done our research and, though using a similar glass pipe, this time lit the spice from below. I took three deep lungfulls and lay back in my chair. I seemed to return immediately to the same state of mind that'd greated me the first time - an overwhelmingly intense reminder that this was the source, that I was in fact God itself imagining my existence in this realm. That seemed to be the essence of what I was supposed to "get". What visuals I remember seemed to be 2D - kaleidoscopic colors dominated by a dull metallic gold with ornaments of jewels, and although I didn't encounter any interactive beings or characters that I can remember, I was presented with some kind of demonstrative object that behaved basically like a book but seemed to be made of metal and kind of "clanked" when the pages were abruptly flipped through. Each page would reveal a 2D representative of "life" or something, in the form of an inactive profile image not unlike the hawk and Mayan in the header on this page. As I watched, each page revealed a copy of the character who would abruptly "flop" and die, and understanding that this death was inevitable and constantly recurring seemed to be the point of the display. I realized my hands were mimicking this flopping and seemed unable to control them. As I came back into my body, I looked around the room and it was an amazing sight, undulating and flowing. Every surface seemed to have an intricate pattern laid over it, and I interpreted it to be something similar to Mayan characters and Huichol bead art. I looked at the carpet and saw what seemed like a large lizard (horned toad) stop in its tracks and look at me, only to instantly blend back into the carpet. This lasted maybe 30 seconds. Afterwards, I went outside with my friends and proceeded to philosophize about what had just happened in such a concise and coherent way that I don't think it was entirely "me" doing the talking.

The third encounter was just a few days ago, in the company of Antrocles and Mailorderdeity. Antrocles' abilities as a guide cannot be understated. This time with each deep inhalation of the far purer spice, I could feel the now somewhat familiar "aspects" or perhaps "memory sets" creeping up to me, though they were patient to wait until my third toke and mental surrender before really flipping the switch. I started seeing vague sparkles of light just before I closed my eyes. I'd been apprehensive before this session as the last one had churned up a good deal of gunk in my lungs which are recovering from a decade of habitual weed smoking. I conveyed this to Antrocles who reassured me that my ego's attachment to my physical presence would throw any obstacle it had on hand in my path. As with the previous trips, the immediate realization was of returning to a secret dimension that has always been, always will be, and is me. However, this time, I remember very little beyond that introduction, until a point which felt well into the trip when I became aware of myself lying (I was in fact lying on a bed) before what seemed very vaguely to be an Eastern looking building in an area vaguely suggestive of a desert, colored and lit like something out of a Dali painting. It seemed unrealistic and I don't remember whether or not there was sound. I opened my eyes and the feeling of intensity came to an abrupt stop, though the room looked very atmospheric and "otherworldly". I closed my eyes and the intensity returned though I have no memory of anything specific. I could feel the blood coursing through my veins in a way I had never felt before and my entire body seemed to generate an intense amount of heat, as though I was cooking beneath my skin, although it was not unpleasant. Eventually Antrocles asked me to speak and reminded me that I was for a short time in 2 places at once. I told him I could barely remember anything but that the feeling overall was very intense and no doubt as profound as it had always felt. Antrocles, who had been sitting beside me, told me that my trip had been extraordinarily heavy for him psychologically and that "they were working on (me)". This continues to puzzle me but also makes sense with some inexplicable aspect of the experience. He confirmed that the breathing had in fact been in issue and that my ego had attempted to derail the trip (or something to that effect) because of it, but he also disregarded it as insignificant in the context of the overall "work" that has been accomplished. My deepest thanks go out to Antrocles for sharing his time and invaluable wisdom with me.

I'm left with the feeling that I've only scratched the surface, and on the other hand, that this is the most significant series of purposeful incidents in my life.