The first time swim did dimitri was during a particularily difficult phase in his life.. His wife of 6.5yrs had contracted meningicoccal septicemia and went from healthy vibrant woman and within an hour of waking up passed away... it was a few months after this swim started exploring psychedelics as a way of understanding what the hell had happened to his life...

anyway... it was a voyage of discovery starting with 2 tabs of lsd.... a few hours later a microdot... followed by sipping from a bottle of liquid lsd a few hours later... swim wouldnt recommend this normally but he was looking for answers...... during the peak.. swim sat in a field and pulled out some red waxy dimitri... not sure of the extraction as it was given to him... inhaling he noticed thaht the grass in the field grew taller and taller... and expanded to an infinite horizon... his friend at this time walked to him and said ARE YOU OK.... looking on this blue faced alien with huge teeth swim said yeeeahhhhh.,.....

Upon closing swims eyes... he was rocket propelled down a spiral down and down further... the colours were stark very much like an 8bit atari game... but with better resolution.... certainly swim felt the computer nature of the experience....

At the end of the spiral going down... swim popped out into a room... now for any old schoolers... it was like the arena in speedball... imagine a room with holes on the sides... now swim was shrinking in this room.. and looking at the holes when large balls kinda like beachballs with strange symbols on them fell into the room... they didnt hit the floor more that they bounced and floated as if the room was filled with water.... they bobbed around and around.... and swims perspective changed to much higher vantage point in the room... the balls vivid and clearly visible... moving and bobbing themselves becoming more and more ordered....

The balls all began to line up... and slowly one by one turned over--- the symbols became clearer and soon they could be understood.. each ball had a letter... and the message... " I WILL ALWAYS LOVE YOU BUT I AM OKAY".....

Swims heart filled with a peace he so desperately needed.... and the next thought which came in swims late wife's voice was... "Oh and I had to put it in computer graphics because you geeks just wont listen otherwise".... this made swim chuckle a lot and he felt himself popping out of the experience... opening his eyes to a wonderful scene of the forest... alive and watching him.... "Just because you cannot always see us.... it does not mean we are not there"...

Life changing!

What a truly fascinating experience. I can't begin to imagine how much this meant to you. I have a couple of questions, it would be great if you could please answer them for me. Do you take this as a kind of validation of personal beliefs such as an afterlife? Will you continue to experiment with psychedelics?

I'm sorry for your loss, but it was a very positively moving story nonetheless. Thanks for sharing.

It hasnt altered any of my beliefs -and not really any validation of afterlife.. I am an open skeptic ! and consider many reasons why things are the way they are... But saying that.. the feeling I have generally got on psychedelics is that we are not separate... we are one consciousness.. all connected.. that this life while great as it is, is just a construct of the mind.. its not 'reality'... 'I' do not exist there is only the one consciousness.. so that illusion of separation means that 'I' do not have a life to lose... as there is no 'me'...

to paraphrase the words of eckhart tolle... if you can have a life... and you can lose your life... then does that not mean that 'you' are something more than you think.

Its all wonderful... for the pain and suffering... and the joy and rewards ... its wonderful.