Hi!
I want to introduce myself. My name is Shayku. I'm a long-time substance explorer. 29 years old, from Montreal. I've surfed about 15 substances, no need to list them really, and I've gone through phases of bliss and terror and clarity and insanity and addiction and control. I've grown through all of this, from the adolescent bad trip to what has brought me here tonight. I've grown enough to recognize that I now have a lot more maturity in the field of psychonautics. Substances are not my life. They never have been. They've been a hobby, a mistake, a blessing. They may be the key to my spirituality. I have a great job, still love school, still looking for love, all the boring stuff that makes one a stand-up citizen. But that's never been satisfying for me. I cannot sit back. I am an explorer.
I've had a stash of DMT for the past 6 months and had yet to try it out. I waited. I had to read up and inquire first, as I always do with a new substance. But this time, the inquiry dragged on. This was not your usual 'try it out' thing. This is something else. This is big. This is it. Finally I decided that Strassman and Mckenna and everyone on Erowid had told me enough. I took the plunge. Alone. I was told not to do it alone, and though I am not one to go against the wisdom of others, my instincts told me that this was between me and whatever else. The woman who usually plays the little-shaman role in our group knew that she could not guide me with this one, and I knew that I had go out there on my own. And I did.
On the first try, I held on for dear life. I had kept my eyes open, and the world swirled, and the rocks crept towards me, and the sun was a vortex sucking everything towards it, including my anxiety. So I looked at it, looked at it suck away, and it all passed. The terror was gone, and I was left laughing, 8 minutes later, at the thought that I was still alive, that I had done this and survived.
Granted, that first try was a failiure. How in the world, after all this preparation, did I not even think of closing my eyes? Next time would be different. And it was. This time, eyes closed, meditation, quiet, observation. I fixed all of it, and this time I tripped. Didn't break through, tried again, broke through.
Broke through.
Oh the colors! And something, someone, swimming in the colors! This is where it lives! How amazing it is to be here!
I went again!
This time, one of them took me along and showed me a spot where he likes to live, but is now occupied by someone else. He was explaining this bening dilemma, I didn't know what to say.
Later, I came to my (human) friends and declared everything I had seen and discovered. I tripped in their presence. They are curious, waiting for the context. Rightfully awaiting the moment. That time with them was the strongest. I felt some hostility from the beings, as well as fascination and curiosity of course. The dome was huge. Swirling, always everything swirling. And the entities, they just keep coming and morphing and showing off.
I'm still completely new to this, obviously. I have more questions than anything else, but I think I'll ask these in later posts. This is my introduction. I'm glad to have discovered this entire world. Most psychedelics make me a bit paranoid, but this is so other-worldly that paranoia is obliterated.
I have many things to say and ask, so much to explore. I'll go read up more of the forums and come back to ask my questions.
I like this place. The community seems respectful, people seem intelligent, the rules make sense. This is great.
SWIM is Spartacus!
The things posted on DMT-Nexus by Shayku are generally false. They are for entertainment purposes only.