This is who the DMT-Nexus, spice, and everyone here has made me into
<3 you all

Just an interesting read, if you have the time. The bold lettering is what I really wanted to keep. I finally figured out what DMT is for me.

06:01:18 ‹RayOfLight› I'm strugglin right now with somthin
06:01:31 ‹Steely› If its tech stuff, I don't know that stuff either
06:01:36 ‹RayOfLight› no
06:01:37 ‹Steely› So, Idk what I do here exactly
06:01:40 ‹Steely› lol
06:01:48 ‹RayOfLight› its personal personality problems
06:01:50 ‹Steely› I try to help, its all anyone can do
06:01:53 * crummej joins Hyperspace Chat
06:01:55 ‹Steely› Well, shoot
06:02:02 ‹Steely› I've gone insane a few times before
06:02:07 ‹Steely› Isn't a big deal
06:02:17 ‹Steely› Don't understand the hype
06:02:41 ‹Steely› If I can't help, I know other people here are much more deep and experienced than I
06:02:46 ‹Steely› So maybe we can both learn something
06:02:52 ‹RayOfLight› well, Im far from perfect and i cant stop getting mad at my gf for being a bit overweigght, it brings out my inner meanness and i cant control it, i get filled with rage
06:02:56 ‹RayOfLight› and lash out
06:03:04 ‹Steely› Shit man
06:03:06 ‹Steely› I try not to judge
06:03:08 ‹Steely› But we all do
06:03:14 ‹Steely› I try and try to see inner beauty
06:03:19 ‹Steely› But we're addicted to our looks
06:03:20 ‹RayOfLight› i know i cant help it
06:03:25 ‹Steely› No one can
06:03:27 ‹Steely› You aren't alone
06:03:33 ‹RayOfLight› she has inner bbeauty ,
06:03:38 ‹RayOfLight› but its not enough
06:03:43 ‹Steely› Being even a bit overweight is unhealthy, and these days hundreds of millions can't help it
06:03:47 ‹Steely› Idk if its that much
06:03:56 ‹RayOfLight› everytime i see a tight ass out there i wanna throw myself off a bridge
06:04:05 ‹Steely› Its hard to find motivation in a world that promises everything and yields none of it
06:04:07 * Rollenberg joins Hyperspace Chat
06:04:13 ‹Steely› So finding the inner beauty through all the gunk can be difficult
06:04:20 ‹Steely› Are you generally healthy?
06:04:22 ‹Rollenberg› My friend just proposed a very good idea and commitment to me
06:04:22 ‹Steely› Work out?
06:04:28 ‹RayOfLight› no thats the thing
06:04:31 ‹RayOfLight› im overweight too
06:04:32 ‹RayOfLight› lol
06:04:37 ‹Steely› Well, so was I
06:04:38 ‹RayOfLight› im = a total hippocrit
06:04:42 ‹Steely› Now I'm a skinny white kid
06:04:48 ‹Steely› Man, that his it human nature
06:04:56 ‹Steely› You really need an ego death
06:04:58 ‹Steely› Its the cure
06:05:03 ‹Rollenberg› he has proposed that I allow him to experience and discover DMT via my life in relation to DMT
06:05:12 ‹crummej› awesome Rollenberg
06:05:13 ‹RayOfLight› you suggest more dmt treatmentr
06:05:14 ‹Steely› I don't know your particular experience with spice
06:05:21 ‹Steely› But I say more dmt studies
06:05:21 ‹Steely› Oh yes
06:05:25 ‹Steely› No doubt
06:05:25 ‹Rollenberg› in otherwords, he wants me to allow him to observe my experiences
06:05:33 ‹Rollenberg› and be actively engaged in understanding it
06:05:35 ‹Steely› Hell yeah, Rollenberg
06:05:39 ‹RayOfLight› u know what ,
06:05:41 ‹Steely› Change someones life while you are at it
06:05:43 ‹RayOfLight› you are right,
06:05:51 ‹Steely› RayOfLight, if you have any fears of dmt
06:05:55 ‹Steely› Its the first thing to get over
06:05:57 ‹Rollenberg› im very happy that he has this desire, for once, someone whos as excited about me taking dmt as i am about taking dmt
06:06:00 ‹Steely› Now I'm not saying go OD on the shit
06:06:01 ‹RayOfLight› i need to work up the nutz to dose more often
06:06:02 ‹Steely› Cause I tried
06:06:05 ‹Steely› And it doesn't work
06:06:12 ‹Steely› You'll just pass out and come back really happy
06:06:29 ‹crummej› I am with you RayOfLight
06:06:30 ‹Steely› I didn't really try to od with spice
06:06:43 ‹Steely› Oh hell yeah
06:06:45 ‹Steely› I agree too
06:06:47 ‹Rollenberg› and its a very intresting idea, we are already agreed that we are both on the same wavelength with our understandings of life and have so many of the same views that we are able to efficiently communicate with eachother
06:06:48 ‹Steely› Fear first
06:06:59 ‹Steely› It took about 5 attempts to get over my fear
06:07:08 ‹Steely› And then 1 attempt to initiate it again
06:07:09 ‹RayOfLight› its too bad there has to be fear
06:07:12 ‹RayOfLight› with dmt
06:07:13 ‹Rollenberg› and i have this feeling that the more efficiently you can communicate about your DMT experiences, the more you will be able to actively remember about your DMT experiences
06:07:13 ‹Steely› Fear happens
06:07:17 ‹Steely› You need control of your emotions
06:07:19 ‹RayOfLight› i wish it was just all bliss
06:07:24 ‹Steely› Your fucking human
06:07:25 ‹Steely› Just like us
06:07:26 ‹Steely› lol
06:07:40 ‹Steely› When I ride my bike, burning and pain happens in my knees, like everyone else
06:07:46 ‹Steely› I came across a great thought pattern for myself
06:07:51 ‹Steely› That allows me to reverse the pain instantly
06:07:54 ‹Steely› Works every time
06:08:00 ‹RayOfLight› what do you do
06:08:06 ‹Rollenberg› we both have this understanding that everything in existence is there as an extension or an effect of an emotion
06:08:18 ‹Steely› I thought of the pain as telling me to work harder, and reminding me that I am not invincible, that I'm just a squishy human
06:08:27 ‹Steely› You need to find your own relations to happiness through pain, as bad as it sounds
06:08:34 ‹Steely› Everything can be linked to a source of happiness
06:08:39 ‹Steely› Happiness is life
06:09:02 ‹Steely› My worst nightmares and the absolute most terror and pure fear I ever felt was from a bad DMT experience
06:09:21 ‹Steely› So, out of being choked by three entities in the darkness surrounded by glowing pulsating red eyes
06:09:26 ‹Rollenberg› and that being able to comminunicate emotions directly , without need for all the constructs that come from those emotions, will yeild some type of further understanding of the inerworkings of the universe and how to manifest your life into what you want from life...
06:09:27 ‹Steely› Being punched in the face
06:09:35 ‹Steely› While every time I tried to open my eyes, a white light blinded me
06:09:39 ‹Steely› And I thought I had puked
06:09:41 ‹RayOfLight› sounds like a bad trip...
06:09:44 ‹Steely› What the fuck could I learn from this?
06:09:48 ‹Steely› I mean
06:09:52 ‹Steely› It was so fucked
06:09:58 ‹Steely› It was the worst pain and terror in my life
06:09:59 ‹Steely› Well
06:10:04 ‹Steely› Now I know how bad it gets
06:10:07 ‹Steely› And I can fucking do anything now
06:10:16 ‹Steely› Whenever shit is going wrong, I can just remember that day
06:10:19 ‹Steely› And say, What the fuck
06:10:22 ‹Steely› I've been through worse
06:10:28 ‹Steely› What am I caring so much about this for?
06:10:32 ‹Steely› I'll get over it in 20 seconds
06:10:36 ‹Steely› And be my happy self again
06:10:41 ‹Steely› DMT does things to you for a reason
06:10:43 ‹RayOfLight› i guess everything has a lesson, we just need to find out what the lesson is
06:10:44 ‹Rollenberg› Steely, i know what you mean, by seeing how bad life can be you can see how good it truly is
06:10:46 ‹Steely› And everything is meant to better yourself
06:10:54 ‹Steely› And everything is meant to better yourself
06:11:03 ‹Steely› DMT doesn't do a damn thing that is bad for you
06:11:06 ‹crummej›
06:11:09 ‹Steely› It shows you through the only means possible
06:11:10 ‹Rollenberg› or by seeing how bad experience can be, you realise how great experience is
06:11:12 ‹Steely› How great of a person you are
06:11:15 ‹Steely› THATS DMT
06:11:22 ‹Steely› Why fear it?
06:11:25 ‹Steely› Accept it
06:11:37 ‹RayOfLight› how often do you dose
06:11:38 ‹Rollenberg› Steely, that was very well worded
06:11:43 ‹crummej› Thanks for the motivation, im gonna go blast off right now
06:11:43 ‹Steely› I don't anymore
06:11:46 ‹Steely› I stopped
06:11:52 ‹Steely› Because what needed to be said was said
06:12:01 ‹Steely› And I thought by this point, if I can't move on with my own will power and free will
06:12:04 ‹Steely› It will never get better for me
06:12:06 ‹Steely› And I have
06:12:13 ‹Steely› All on my own, thanks to helpful advice of the nexus and dmt
06:12:22 ‹Steely› So I will do it again
06:12:24 ‹Steely› I know I will
06:12:29 ‹RayOfLight› how much dmt did you do
06:12:36 ‹Steely› But I need problems in life to want dmt to solve them
06:12:41 ‹Steely› I'm carefree and have been for months
06:12:46 ‹Rollenberg› lol
06:12:51 ‹Steely› That guy from office space? Thats me when hes hypnotized
06:12:55 ‹Steely› I do 50mg
06:12:56 ‹Rollenberg› lol
06:12:56 ‹Steely› Everytime
06:13:00 ‹Steely› Weigh it out
06:13:07 ‹Steely› Helps conserve
06:13:10 ‹RayOfLight› whatr about pharma
06:13:11 ‹Steely› 50mg has given me nothing
06:13:12 ‹Steely› And everything
06:13:13 * benzyme joins Hyperspace Chat
06:13:16 ‹RayOfLight› did you get into pharma
06:13:17 ‹Steely› I have only ever done freebase dmt
06:13:20 ‹Steely› Nothing else
06:13:24 ‹Steely› STB freebase dmt
06:13:31 ‹Rollenberg› never any changa?
06:13:38 ‹Steely› And I learned more then I could have ever imagined
06:13:38 ‹RayOfLight› did you ever eat it with an maoi
06:13:42 ‹Rollenberg› thats the next step for me....
06:13:43 ‹Steely› I'm me today because of it
06:13:47 ‹Steely› Nope, no maoi's
06:13:50 ‹Steely› Next time I do it
06:13:54 ‹Steely› It will be 1:1 caapi changa
06:14:02 ‹Steely› I understand changa
06:14:06 ‹Steely› I just haven't ever done it
06:14:10 ‹Rollenberg› same here

---

I guess I just didn't want to lose it, and was too lazy to go through it. LOL

Why read through it? Maybe it will motivate, maybe it will help inform, but it's here because one day, even if only 1 person of a million learn from it, I will be happy.

Just let go & observe....there is no party here...it's just you!

Then again, these experiences are not for everyone, sometimes just knowing certain things don't go well with your own mindset or body...and then avoiding interaction with those things is the wisest route though this life.


Cheers
WS

06:10:16 ‹Steely› Whenever shit is going wrong, I can just remember that day
06:10:19 ‹Steely› And say, What the fuck
06:10:22 ‹Steely› I've been through worse
06:10:28 ‹Steely› What am I caring so much about this for?
06:10:32 ‹Steely› I'll get over it in 20 seconds
06:10:36 ‹Steely› And be my happy self again

you are right. you can make this work for a moment.
it is a nice trick indeed, to put things in perspective. in this way you can take a distance and perhaps better deal with it.

but we need to learn more tricks.
life keeps changing you know.