Thank you, I'll try. I started with meditation again a month ago, I don't know if it will have any effect, but I'd like to persist, just doing it without wanting anything from it and see where it leads to. About the darkness: I think I don't identify with it so much, I learned to see it from a point which is beyond it. But it's still there and returns every time, however "good" I try to be.

Anyway, thanks for pointing to the moon... I feel definitely better today.

Just want to say, for those touched by the dark side, that love is out there. You can find it, generally through movement, rhythm, music,hope and opening up to some kind of peace inside yourself (or where ever you find it).

I am reluctant to preach.
Hey, I'm on my own journey and there's highs and lows there, as well. I've been over the edge and back, though, and I can say: YOU CAN DO IT.

The world most folks call "real" is a mean and scary place when looked at realistically. So, mostly, we don't. It's part of our universal survival technique to simply ignore the worst parts. Instead of living in knowledge of the horrors out there, we cover it all up so deep, we can't bring ourselves to accept the truth when it stares us in the face. We count ourselves blessed when we manage to survive within the la-la land we accept as reality without having to deal with much of the actually real stuff. It's like inner city types who walk over or around a wino collapsed on the street as if they weren't there, or folks who don't call 911 when a neighbor is screaming bloody murder. It's not that we don't care, it's just that we don't want to accept that horrible things are happening. If we accepted the idea of getting involved, we'd have to accept that bad things happen and our whole house of cards collapses.

Folks who widen their perceptions with altered states of consciousness are particularly suseptible to awakening to the horrors and finding it totally unacceptible to continue "living the lie". Confronted with reality, we freak. Things go bad. The bottomless pit yawns and swallows, and there you are. Gone. But you can get out. Lost, but you can be found. Disconnected and looking for a lifeline...like one long slow motion scream, annihialation suddenly seems unavoidable but even that can be endured and altered.

Here's my secret mantras for survival:
Today is the same day, whether you see it as good or bad.
Whatever happens, it's your choice how you take it.
Choose to be positive.
You can always turn things around.

May sound like mindless drivel, but it's those simplistic lifelines you need to pull through in emergency situations. Those are the ropes you tie a knot in and hold on to in order to endure when the sand is washing out from under your feel, when the floors start to dissolve and the scenery starts to suck away at the edges. Like, your entire existence is suddenly in question, so some scholarly exposition on the structure of the human psyche is not really going to be all that helpful. "Your choice, good or bad/Choose to be positive" is a lot more useful when grasping for straws.

Hope that helps.


Light and love,
Chal