So after an overwhelmingly positive experience the first evening, 3 nights later SWIM ventured in again. This time, SWIM encountered nothing welcoming. Just chaotic madness.

Some possible points of error.

1) Eyeballed. I think it was tooooooo much. Better not enough then too much SWIM thinks.

2) Smoking it with cigarette ashes as a means to hold it in place, etc.
Did this the first time with no problems. But before SWIM went in, the thought of combining the essence of cigarette ashes with this journey could have some effect...

3) Using a device to smoke from that wasn't cleaned from the first time. Oxides remaining?

4) Went simultaneously with the g/f. No sane person to welcome SWIM back to earth.


5) Not heeding an intuitive feeling that said "Don't go again yet. Its not yet time to return.

SWIM stays up late usually. So didn't "go" until 3:30 am or so. Heard the birds chirping outside (is it me, or is there something strange going on with morning birds singing at 1:30 am these days? ) For some reason, I was unsettled by the idea of the birds already being awake. Don't know why. It seemed ominous. Maybe a red herring?.



This experience felt like disintegration, chaos and insanity. One interesting thing came of it though, concerning point #4. SWIM and his g/f both described VERY similar experiences this time. Both of SWIU were quite disconcerted. SWIU both recall feeling like it wasn't going to end, SWIU were stuck in a time warp and it seemed to repeat 3 times. Very strange point here; SWIM definitely recalls a few minutes where he felt that he couldnt tell the difference between himself and his g/f. SWIM has disintegrated and confused. She was sitting right across from SWIM. She would put her hands on her cheeks. SWIM thought he was doing it, but it was her. It *REALLY* seemed like he had lost track of his distinct identity. SWIM had lost himself and there was just her there. SWIM couldn't remember that he was separate?

At one point, at the behest of the g/f, SWIM went to his g/f and hugged her. WOWOWOWOWOWOW...... it was if we were both aware of the space between our atoms and molecules; it was like SWIU's molecules got mixed together, or interacted in some non-standard way. Sooo hard to describe.....we were made of tiny odd little cubes and where our skin touched the cubes would fir together and move around....... I know this sounds very bizarre, but I feel assured that others can relate to these experiences.

As SWIU came 'back,' g/f uttered 'I don't want to go back for a long time' and SWIM immediately responded with 'I know.....' As SWIU minds began to re=coalesce, we would remember little bits of what happened. (Its funny; those several minutes of getting one's mind back together and trying to recall and reckon with what was experienced.) Anyway SWIU both remarked to one another how unpleasant and chaotic this was. After some discussion and recollection, SWIU are both curious about how SWIU had such a similar experience. And the whole non-local, loss of self, identity confusion, molecular awareness stuff was very powerful.

I am curious to learn about other people experiencing this at the same time with a trusted friend of loved one. Can one member have a 'good' time and the other a bad?' Or is it oddly synchronous? If it were all existing solely within the boundaries of one's skull, I wouldn't expect to hear of a lot of simultaneous and similar voyages.


SWIUY have resolved to be a lot more careful about dosages. It's likely that some time will pass before SWIU ventures in again. And SWIM has read about people swearing off straight NNDMT spice and smoking changa instead. Next time, SWIM wants to consume it with something happy and flowery; not a bed of cigarette ashes.

SWIM can also say that the first night of experimentation was full of bright red, yellow, orange beauty. The evening above could be characterized as being dark, violet and blue.

SWIMs reactions to the first night, once there, were "Oh Yes!! This is the place! SWIM is really here,and its awesome!"

3 nights later, it was "Oh fuck. SWIM has really done it now. SWIM must be crazy for getting into this. To think SWIM has recommended this horror to good friends....."

The pivotal point in my own approach to the medicine shifted when I was forced to just roll with sheer insanity and total dissolution of mind for several hours, estoerically contemplating whether or not to breathe because I was so far beyond alive or dead it didn't matter, I felt like dry electricity, kept moaning, and the plants were talking. ACTUALLY talking.

But, eventually, the medicine wore off. I came back. Slowly, slowly. It felt like watching an airplane land. My thoughts gradually resumed some form of structure. I had never been so happy to wiggle my toes. I wiggled them for a long time.

That was when I knew I always come back. I always am. Insanity is like the ocean, and boogie boarding is fun. Sometimes the waves are a bit strong and knock a person under... but the body always floats again to the top. No matter how strong, no wave is forever.

No worries if you need to take some time to pull the seaweed from your lungs.

But, also consider, that because you DID INDEED come back and now possess EXPERIENTIAL KNOWLEDGE of coming back, perhaps, next time, you can ease into the experience with more trust, instead of hesitation.

Welcome back to earth!

SWIM definitely feels that now he has navigated the harsher waters and lived to tell the tale. Your analogy is reassuring to SWIM; he thanks you for the sentiment. =)

With the good comes the bad homie. Fortunatly the good will tremendously outweigh the bad. Just take a short break,integrate,make changa,trip with a sitter. My gf is always a reassuring anchor when things go haywire and vice versa.

yes it seems crazy but true. I have been completely obliterated from reality many times .
Sometimes to the point of not even knowing who I am or feeling like a totally unkown but real person.
Scary moments where a part of me is totally freeked out by the shear magnitude of what is happening and can barely hang on.
But yet always coming back to normal. In fact,
somtimes even feeling better for days afterwards. There is a reason to have respect but the good news seems to be that we can survive even the most trying trips
returning better to fight another day.