MercedesMam,
I agree this is very interesting. I am only SPECULATING here, but a couple ideas come to mind immediately.
You said homemade changa. Did you also extract your own DMT? And regardless of the answer, could there still be some sort of gross trapped solvent in that goo? Not smoking what you think you're smoking, smoking solvent and things like that could make a grown man ill.
Are you burning the DMT? I'm not sure that would account for your level of illness but the one time I vomited on a massive dose was one of the many times in my early days where I burned the crap out of the spice.
And then there is your partner's idea. The lesson. I gotta say, I'm gravitating towards that. It sounds like the spirit molecule has its' grip on your soul and decided to attempt a little reprogramming while you are still in a meat suit. You basically wrote that you are being programmed via classical conditioning away from coffee, sweets, weed. That does not sound like a bad agenda for change in my book.
The only thing about DMT that is predictable for me is that it will always be a surprise. For example, lately when I ask entities for help with my husband they seriously go to WORK on me.
I will finish up with a little bit on my feelings of the importance of integration. I would like to encourage you to eat a bit more (good food, if you can), sleep more, be intimate more, get out in nature more, meditate more and most importantly journal everything.
Be kind to yourself as you attempt to learn and grow at an accelerated rate. Understand that people pay a LOT of money to therapists and specialists and religious leaders for YEARS before they even get close to where you are on the potential change front.
Things are moving fast as is, so please don't try to rush it more. Be kind with and to yourself.
Thank you for sharing and I hope you will feel better and continue to keep us updated.
"But even if nothing lasts and everything is lost, there is still the intrinsic value of the moment. The present moment, ultimately, is more than enough, a gift of grace and unfathomable value, which our friend and lover death paints in stark relief."-Rick Doblin, Ph.D. MAPS President, MAPS Bulletin Vol. XX, No. 1, pg. 2Hyperspace LOVES YOU