Emotional loads felt from others.

One love

It's out of fear that they treat you better if you don't apologize, not because the behaviour of the "apologizer" is wrong or excessive. A person who apologizes gives a sense of "harmless" and therefore human beings think they can do what they want. So, at least from my point of view, it's not because it's a wrong behavior per se, but because unfortunately most people live without wanting to overcome the paradigm of the law of the fittest.


It can just be called "being an educated person".
No one can always have a genuine sense of inner positivity. Everyone has their bad moments, and sadly, there are people who live constantly in pain and anger. How you feel inside has nothing to do with how you behave with others.

I see, sounds like its a way to protect yourself and others from negative emotion.



Seems like you see this outer shell as something desirable and/or necessary.
As Void points out, it can definately be useful, Id just be aware of why one is engaging in this behaviour.

No, because the outer shell thing is your interpretation. For me the ‘real personality’ of someone doesn’t exist, so there isn’t a fake one, either.

The reason is that positivity brings positivity, negativity brings negativity.

Perhaps the balance lies in finding the "line" in which others may find cause to do one harm as a result of being apologetic (reflexively or otherwise) and doing one's best to avoid approaching too close to said line or crossing it.

It's been a long-standing sentiment to "not make others deal with my ****". I find it unfair to project and direct onto others our own inner struggles, feelings, thoughts, etc.



That's one aspect to it, but another is not wanting to add to anyone else's suffering.





I'm too mercurial to think that I have a "real" or "true" self per se. I suppose we could distill it down to authentic expressions of different facets of my"self."

One love

Hey Void, I feel that I am in a similar boat like you are. Last time I went to the library one book caught my attention, so I just thought "why not?" and grabbed it. One page stood out for me, so I hope it's alright when I share it here.

It's taken from the book "oneness with all life" by Eckhart Tolle.

Thank you for sharing. I'll have to pay attention and see how much I feel this applies to me.

It may be my incisive nature, or maybe even my negativity but I often wonder with general statements such as these what the source means by "ego" and also how much they consider the nature of mental health disorders.

One love

The way I look at it, or my idea is that the ego is made up of an accumulation of building blocks or the pieces of the puzzle that make our persona. I am talking about all the concepts, opinions, judgements, etc that we learned during our lifetime and which are wrapped around our "essence". Basically all that is stripped away and dissolved when we only use a high enough amount of psychedelics for example.

I think Herr Tolle views this in a similar light and that might be the reason why the above helps me, when in a negative state of mind. I imagine that he conciders mental health disorders, because he suffered from severe depression himselves which basically triggered something in him changing to the person he is today.

This makes me think of this thread on ego and this one on impermanence of a stagnant self

And thank you. Wasn't aware of that. From where I stand with my situation, I often come across cookie-cutter advice that misses the mark (not necessarily Tolle, but in general), as has probably been your experience as well, so it's hard to know who or what to take advice from when already struggling. Partly why I try to figure out as much as I can on my own.

One love

Hi Voidmatrix,
I suppose you're the thinking-type. It's an asset, and a burden.

Send you --> a wordless virtual hug

Words -ON- :
IME it helps to balance cannabis use. It sure helps to relax and escape (escape as not pejorative meant!) into that particular vibe, it's therapeutic,...., but then I feel there's a back side too when smoked (near) daily. When that side shows to me, life gets emotionally-psychologically harder. It's systematic kind of.

Daily harmalas (rue better than caapi, for now) help me to carry the weight of life without having a back-side all together, a drop of oil on the neural gears. These harmalas also mitigate cannabis automation. I'm not on SSRI's.

I prefer to use cannabis 1x a week to avoid it's back side, also to promote getting it's full powers undiminished. It's a hard call though to really get to 1x
I've no idea of your cannabis routine though and I realize not bringing new intel here, just wanted to share-remind.

Started doing cold showers as of late till it hurts and get a pink skin, it does affect my general feeling of well being. Heart rate trough the day seems to lower as if that high revving engine adapts somewhat diesel long stroke properties. Considering to tinkering a cold dip tub. It's an attempting concept to pimp-tweak one's fundamental blood circulation properties. I look in anguish to those ice-water dippers, omg, it frightens me and therefore feeling challenged, dammit

Jees! Hugging you back!

Whether I'm a thinker or a feeler is largely contextual: I tend to do a lot of both

While I use cannabis daily, I feel good about it. I'm also very partial to low the cultivars and cbd strains. I've never really experienced it helping me to escape, but more helps me manage. I do however experience that backside more if I'm getting really stoned too often.

I need to figure out a routine for myself for cold showers. I tend to stay really cold for long periods after them, which sucks, though the clarity it brings is great. However, I do enjoy the challenge of taking them.

And thank you for the reminder on harmalas. I'm trying to regiment them daily again. I need to not stop, but sometimes depression gets in the way.

Thank you for your kindness and feedback. I have to head to work!

One love

Edit: I hate autocorrect...

Voidmatrix,

Sending love and respect. I hope you get as much out of your break as I got out of mine but are back sooner.

As you can tell you are a treasured entity within this community. Everyone loves you, wants to support and help you in any way we can as you deal with your issues.

Thank you for being willing to talk about it and thank you for pulling back slowly. You have been a very large part of my taking very personally my warm welcome back here.

If you need to completely disconnect know that we understand and support but that you WILL be sorely missed.

Love,
Pandora

Thank you very very much, Pandora. Your sentiments and observations are helpful reminders that I sometimes (or often) need.

I had to do a hard reset for a bit and get my head right and figure out a way of moving forward, which meant dropping a lot of cumbersome rocks I had been carrying.

And it really is a beautiful thing to have you back with us. I love your energy, kindness and insights.

One love
Vm