Hello there! Some days ago I had a really nice talk to a member here on the nexus when I found out, that regrettably I wasn't be able to send private messages, because I haven't been promoted to a full membership, yet. I was given the advice, to give away more stories of my interdimensional travels and to participate actively in the discussion. Honestly? There isn't much I wanna like to to more, that is talking about this crazy shit that keeps happening to me once every week or so (because I got high, because I got high, because ...
). But then again: not much seems to be harder to do altogether. For me I am struggeling sometimes to take away one or the other insight out of the experience. Another time the messages seem to be so personal, that I would be having a hard time conveying the meaning for an onlooker. But as it turned out, the feelings and visions I get are relevant in ways, which aren't always obvious at the first glance, although they can lack quite a bit of accuracy sometimes. So therefore I decided to start my report with a description of what I lost when today I tried a combination, which I thought could be beneficial for my ability to reach some of the farther outreaches of hyperspace. Looking back, I couldn't have beenn more wrong. But I hope the juxtaposition gives a little bit of insight into the workings of my trip experience.
Some time ago I got myself a hold on some S-Ketamine, which lay there a couple of days in my wooden dream box, until I finally managed to give it a try yesterday, with the presence of a good friend, in case that anything would go wrong. Because I am not so into snorting solids into my sensitive nostrils, I ordered some nasal spray bottles and NaCl-solution for a not too painful way to absorb the molecule into my system. After all I can say, that this ROA seems to be really gently to the mucosa and I didn't feel much pain. It really was like pumping some good old nasal spray into my nostrils to get a bit more breath though there when one has the cold. Slightly bitter on the way down, but nothing too unpleasant. The mind-altering experience of pure kat wasn't too bad, but it also was not really tasteful either. I remember having a hard time following the conversation with my friend and everything felt a bit more distant or like
feeling through a foog mirror. At that moment I saw a practical use of this effect in some social situation, because I tend to be overwhelmed a lot there and thought that it could be nice to observe such a situation from a little less involved vantage point.
I also was looking forward to try it out with DMT. Usually when I prepare myself for hyperspace, I get increasingly more nervous and excited with the decreasing countdown till liftoff. This buggs me a little bit, because I am not sure in which ways this agitation influences my trip and suspect sometimes that it is giving me a hard time to remember the things I saw afterwards. So basically the idea was to try out what would happen, when I started my way into hyperspace while under the influence of some ketamine, because I thought that this would block out much of these preflight jitters. In a way it actually did, but didn't come without a price, of course.
But first some facts about my usual ritual. Some time ago I found out, that deep inside my psyche there is some kind of alter ego, who would call himself "the astronaut". It is a partial self of me, which interestingly seems to be a part of me quite since the beginning (of this life). Without going into much detail, after I started my DMT travels this persona became a very dear friend to me. We usually meet during trip sessions, but I sense him sometimes even during the day or while dreaming. For me it looks like he is helping me to navigate the infinite space and trying his best to give me reasonably visions to comprehend.
In my waking life a love doing longboard and snowboard and therefore have a bit of equipment in my wardrobe. From my point of view a fully geared up snowboarder always looked a bit like an astronaut, so therefore it is part of my ritual to dress like a symbolical one during my trips, which feels so right, I can barely describe the joy which this gives to me.
When I finally get to the end of a trip my emotional background music ofYten resembles magnificient fanfares and a feeling of acomplishment. Everything in my sourroundings seems to sparkle and has a nice glow to it. I love being in that afterglow and really can enjoy it.
But nothing whatsoever was the case when I jumped with the special K in my backpack. There were some kind of visions, I have to admit, but unlike being lifted up on magic wings into a higher dimension, it felt like being vomited upon the ground of reality. I didn't feel good on my disguise and when I looked out of the window I was disgusted. You have to know I am living a bit like in the skid row here, but this place is also of great ambiguity and transformative energies. Usually I seldom fail to see the good and nice in most of the things, which makes everything colorful and shining. But not this time. When I looked out into the inner yard, the grey concrete floor was like an obscenity and I could stand watching it. But even when I looked in the mirror, I felt so alienated from myself, that I found it difficult to love and appreciate what I saw there. Normally I have no problem to love myself, even for my mistakes. But after trying several times to properly lift off while under the influence of ketamine, the dominating emotion was that of disgust. Nowhere was to find the magic and gentleness of my usual journeys and I decided in that moment, that I never want to recreate that space for me. Maybe ketamine could have some practical use for me on a lower dose, but what I felt then, was like the total antithesis of what DMT stands for me.
It wasn't really a bad trip after all. Because when I had that experience I recognized how much I love my body and the cells and everything around it, and I suspect that all these moving parts are working togehter to give me the kind of experience I am after for. Trying to block out these feelings of a living organisim to get an easier entry into the DMT world, seems to be like missing the point somehow for me.
After two hours into the ketamine effects I decided that I am sufficiently back to baseline now, to try and mend some of the damage that this experience left me with. So I geared up for another entry into hyperspace, and lo and behold, back there were the usual magic visions and colorful images and everything felt right again. Like I said in the beginning: Another time I had a hard time to clearly remember what was happening then. Does anybody know some good technique to improve trip memory?
What I know is, that this second session ssemd to be heavyly entity encountered. There is one episode, that managed to cling succesfully enough to my worldly egg brain, that I can give a short description of what that being was like. Right infront of my closed eyes there was a giant insect like creature. But instead of some noisy pattern, there were geometrical patterns on it's skin. It seemed to be giving some attention to me and it felt like it was pondering about what to do with me. Somehow like a dog that finds a little animal in the backyard and isn't really sure about if he should eat the pool litle critter or play with it a little bit or leave it alone after all. I felt like being examined by this giant create infront of me, but without being equals. And shortly after this I was back again.
I heard that these insect entites are not so much uncommon while on multidimensional travels. Have you made similar experiences or magaged to frame this crazy impressions into some bigger picture, yet?
There was this vision I had at the very end of my last session, a couple of days ago. I tried to imagine how it would be like to be a creature like humanity itself, literlly in it's totality across space and time. And what I experience then was a shrinking of the whole shebang to a little colony organism like a mushroom growing at the foot a tree or like worms eating their way through some multidimensioanl soil. Presently I had to lough out loud and got really excieted about that vision. It seemed to me to have ingrained some of the truth about reality, packaged for myself so that I may understand.
What do you thnik happens, when you go out into this experience? Have you ever tried kat (R/S?) and what expeirences did you have with it?
With my report I hope to get to know some of you better and to have an interesting discussion. Good night!