Hi, so as I said in my presentation, I suffer from depression, PTSD and probably a personality disorder that is going to be diagnosed this summer and I also have issues controlling addiction and drug cravings . Here are some insights I've had while tripping and that I try to integrate in my everyday life to feel better . Some of It may seem so simple that I look stupid but it's my own journey anyways .

The ones that helped me the most are LSA, mushrooms, DMT, DPT and 5 MeO DMT, of course I space out my trips .

When I was in high school, there were times when, in retrospect, things were really bad, I had really extreme social anxiety that made my days so bad, being around so many people made me so stressed that I started my first derealizations in class, or in recreation, I also had the impression that I didn't understand anything about social cues which made me very melancholic, I sometimes cut myself, I often fantasized about suicide, I abused a little bit Tramadol, Zolpidem, weed, even sometimes I drank just to get high and I didn't have anything else but it was rare as I often had something else that I preferred.

Then I took a big hit at the LSA, 10 seeds I had never tripped, I didn't know that such happiness could exist, I also had physical insecurities that disappeared, it gave me hope in life at the time, although I lived very badly the next day, I had taken too much.
A bit later, with small doses of mushrooms like 1g or 1.5g, in my first free campsites with friends I had wonderful moments and it definitely gave me back faith in life, that I could get something positive out of it, that I wasn't damned forever and also it helped me understanding that my fears were only products of my mind, nothing real that actually exists and that insight helps me coping with anxiety . It also helped me realized how fucked up I was mentally and that I needed to seek psych help . But it was temporary, with the years and events these dark ideas could come back.

A few years later I had taken 6 or 7 seeds of LSA, I had a bad trip the first hours then I took refuge in my bed with spliffs, I needed to listen to something to calm me down I found the French feminist podcast "Les couilles sur la table" which I listened for hours. Well I really don't see feminism or gender the way I used to, it's complicated to explain, sometimes you can get a reaction when you hear certain things that disrupt your established ideas that you reject the new idea. But then I was so taken aback that I was completely open to what was being said, for a while when a presenter was talking about how gender is made up I felt like I was I was living it, it was quite disturbing and... instructive. It also pushed me later on to learn about gender issues and "deconstruct" certain things, today I'm not perfect of course but I feel more detached from my masculinity and the conditioning that goes with it, I dare to do things I didn't dare before because of social conditioning.

Otherwise, a few trips and micro doses of DMT DPT and 5 MeO DMT made me realize that I was doing shit with some drugs, that I couldn't manage them, and despite the cravings I try to restrain myself from buying some drugs because I realized a lot how impulsive I could be and how self-destructive I could be when I came down and afterglow.

I still struggle with cravings, moments of depression and Valium addiction but I've been using Kanna a few times a week in a tea since most anti depressants worsened my state and it helped a lot with the mood issues .