So here is my introductory trip report

I used to want to go through like as quickly as possible, derealized due to my anxieties because of childhood traumas so I went through a dark path of abusing RC dissociatives, mostly DCK, 2f DCK and 3 HO PCP . I wanted to stop all that bullshit .


I had already used DMT in micro-doses in the past, , basically with 10-15mg smoked or vaporized in a way that was not at all optimal in terms of product loss (lower the doses if you have equipment made to take a big hit in one go), there was a very marked mood enhancement, very quickly retinal persistence and deeper colours appeared and I was more sociable. Basically it had an anti-depressant effect for a few hours with very slight psychic effects for about fifteen minutes which I found quite manageable. I was already very informed and intrigued by 5 MeO DMT and my positive experiences with DMT, DPT and my impulsivity pushed me to test this tryptamine, I have it in Freebase form, small grains like yellow/orange sand, it looks a lot like DMT visually.

Even with micro-dosing, the come up is very physical, as much as with DMT, you can feel sluggish, sedated, here it's something else, I was lying on the ground, as if crushed by gravity and I could hear my heart and my breathing, as with DPT. It can be downright scary, but I know that feeling, and I was sure of my dosage, so I breathed deeply and the atmosphere quickly changed, visually, everything is whiter and brighter, but nothing else, in my mind, it's absolute emptiness, a striking emptiness that reminds me of dissociative but even more abysmal. For a few minutes, I am content to feel the biological machine that is my body doing its work, the heart beats, the touch with the blankets is incredibly soft and exacerbated, I shudder with pleasure. After a few minutes, I return to a more normal state, which will remain altered for a few hours. Even more than with DMT, the afterglow is very pronounced, and in broad terms, it is a clear improvement in my mood, my self-esteem, a better appreciation of music and a strong desire to talk to my loved ones.

But unlike DMT, there was something sinister and very particular about this state, like an extreme form of depersonalisation I would say, I felt good, in a good mood, but my mind was totally empty as if I had died inside but in a strangely pleasant way. After DMT, on the other hand, I felt extremely alive and psychologically stimulated.

I had to do 3 or 4 sessions of mini doses of 5 MeO DMT in vape over a week, a bit like with the Salvia I had this strange desire to go back.

When I only had a little more than 5mg left out of the 20 I weighed, I decided to take it all at once, snorted. The 5 MeO DMT Freebase works well on snorted but it burns extremely strong, it reminded me of when I snorted DMT Freebase, except that there was 10x less product so it went down better. I had also smoked a joint before which I think had a lot to do with the effects.

I had also smoked a joint before, which may have increased the effects quite a lot, I think. The high is always more violent, but more gradual than when I was smoking, this time, first my mind goes blank like the previous times, then I start to feel this strong "crushing" body load, I'm wiggling around in my bed, as if in a trance, and the physical sensations, always so intense, are now becoming extremely euphoric, that's a bit like how I would imagine a big MDMA peak, all my senses are mixed, the music follows the rhythm of my movements, with my eyes closed I feel like I'm in the middle of a huge fire, I see some kind of huge flames and I have no spatial-temporal reference, but it was still much less visual than most of the other psychedelics I tested in comparison to the intensity of the effects. I also remember feeling like my consciousness was leaving my body and wandering around my room, which I saw in the third person with my eyes closed. The thought always empty, just filled with love/pleasure and a background of death. According to my phone, I stayed like that for a little over 30 minutes.

After that, I stopped using dissociatives which I used in a harmful way and I’m glad I stopped even though I still struggle with cravings .

Hey there, Cosmic Dust (great user name btw), and welcome!

Thanks for the well-written and cogent introduction. I'm glad the molecules have helped steer you away from destructive use of dissociatives.

This really stood out to me as directly before coming on here I was thumbing through Stan Grof's "The Holotropic Mind" and had just read the section on the transition between "BPM III" and "BPM IV" - the death/rebirth struggle, and the death and rebirth experience. According to Grof, this is often characterised by a feeling of being consumed by fire. ("BPM" = basic perinatal matrix.) The motif of "love/pleasure and a background of death" also corresponds with this phase of transformative experience.

Perhaps you've already encountered the works of Stanislav Grof in your psychology studies? Technically I'm a chemist so don't expect me to make too much sense when attempting to discuss things outside my field!

I hope this coincidence helps you in some way and I look forward to seeing you around here, where there are plenty of kind, supportive and insightful people to help with the integrative process. You seem to have some clear goals for getting yourself on track and leaving the destructive behaviors behind. (I'm kind of replying to your other thread here.)

Thanks for your answer, I only vaguely know about the work of Stan Groff, but the theme also reminded me of the Tibetan Book of the dead, like that liberation through death and some other buddhist concepts like vacuity... and if those readings helped me processs what was happening it's nice that you sparked up my internet for Groff's works .