Thank you for your essay.

Compared to most animals we humans are incredibly discontent and constantly striving for something. Striving is a good thing in that we may genuinely get better things out of life if we are ready to work for them, but stopping and just being grateful for what you got us sometimes a tough job.

I think this is not just a philosophical stance you can take but something that requires focus and effort. Exercising gratitude, forgiveness, self-love is a flame that needs fuel to burn and is fueled by asking guidance and blessing for yourself and people you care about.

Sorrowful and depressive thoughts are one important color of the palette but at difficult times (like this quarantine time) they easily begin to dominate. At these times I think it's very important to do things to keep the fire burning even when you don't feel like doing it.

Btw. I really liked this part in your post: "If you use the acknowledgement of your own shortcomings to shield and defend yourself from criticism, as I did, you are missing the point."

I've shared this before in another thread but I feel it is necessary here too. When I was younger the way I'd go about life is to not feel anything. I wouldn't take drugs or drink or any of that. Just simply shut down my emotions and to never feel. Went about my life that way for a long time. Saw the world in grey for a long time.

Wasn't till I was 19 years of age until my emotions finally came back. Had a great heap of help from my girlfriend and DMT. Allowed me to use DMT to its full extent once I truly accepted emotions back into my life. Since then I've fully dedicated myself to being healthy in every aspect. Physically and mentally. Even cut out a bunch of unnecessary foods as well. Was never an over-weight person but I still knew it wasn't healthy for me.

Funny enough I bought a bunch of stuff to see if I have parasites or candida in my system just out of curiosity. I honestly hate the idea of these products I bought to get rid of anything potential because the way of administration makes me very uncomfortable! Regardless its for health

As a human being I'm very happy for who I am. I struggled a lot to finally figure that out but who hasn't!

cool write up. its a tough road brother. much peace. I personally understand that the depth of my visionary experiences were possible through 1) well made medicine. 2) letting go.

This is empty of a self or of anything pertaining to a self.

I am not anyone's anything anywhere; nor is anything of mine in anyone anywhere.

I have abandoned any conceit that "I am"

This is deathless: the liberation of the mind through lack of clinging/sustenance.