Let’s satisfy the bureaucracy first. I woke up and took 150mg harmaline-HCL. Thirty minutes later, I took 110mg harmaline-HCL and 45mg DMT freebase with SodaStream lime.

As I swallowed down the freebase, my body reminded me why I switched to mushrooms. “But it will be great”, I told myself.

I brushed my teeth, took a shower, went to bed, and waited. As I felt almost nothing, I started to think about the things I think about when I am lying in bed after taking drugs and feeling nothing.

The room wasn’t dark enough. I got out of the bed, brought a blindfold for my face. When I closed my eyes, I started seeing blue blinking patterns growing above me and a silhouette of a creature looking down at me. I thought I was going to see hyperspace.

It lasted for a half minute. Then, instead of hyperspace, I was sitting on the rollercoaster. Lately, it’s a standard part of my trips. It comes in the beginning, and it’s a lot of fun.

The place reminded me of the Grand Canyon or some old-school computer game that depicts the positive aspects of a post-nuclear war landscape. The sunset dyed the background to orange. Many creatures and I were flying up and down. Everything was changing its shape. I saw the typical DMT eyes and faces on stones, trees, poles, on the rollercoaster, and even on myself.

If you are not sure what I mean with the “typical DMT eyes”, check out this: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NhQLBqtqZpE

It’s not the same symbols and shapes I see, but it’s close. It’s only about the forms. The rollercoaster wasn’t in dark space but a full 3D physical reality.

At a later point in the trip that I can’t place in time, I saw two glass vitrines — filled with dark and metallic mineral stones. Each vitrine had a pickaxe in it in addition to the rocks.

I knew the stones were different, as well as the pickaxes. One pickaxe could break one type of rock, and the other one could break the other type. I was not sure if the stronger pickaxe could break both.

I knew that different levels or layers of reality consist of varying matter and energy. One needs various tools to find their way through it.

It wasn’t clear to me whether the different types of pickaxes were referring to different doses of DMT or something else. The rue makes me stoned. The messages from the mushrooms are always clear because I need no MAOI for the shrooms.

“Maybe I should just vape DMT as normal people do.”

After the rollercoaster, I usually arrive in a beautiful minimalistic world made of metal, glass, discs, sparks, and symbols. I call it the Metal World. Today, I saw it only for a few seconds.

Instead, I started seeing humanoid, feminine praying mantis fractals. They looked like she, at least a little bit:



Except for they were humanoids, as much as a praying mantis fractal plant can be.

There is no point where they start. Everything is part of the fractal, but they alive; they move (and they are me).

Today, I saw a green and a white-blue one.

Then I dived to a lower and colder sphere and became a reptile. Although the place is pure sexuality, I didn’t see anything explicit. I don’t need to see it. I look at myself, and I’m happy about it.

The next moment, the whole trip (and my previous trips and everything else) was put together, and folded into a multidimensional box or cube that I knew for a while already. In this box, I often find myself upside down or without the sense of directions - since there are no directions. Time, space, mind, visions are all inside it, loosely connected. The “skin” of the box (from the inside) is my body, and everything is me.

The fractal-plant-praying mantis creatures were there, metal shards were there, and everything else - as potential - was there.

From somewhere buried deep, my consciousness was telling me I was on a pharma trip, I was fine, and I was going to survive.

Not that I needed to hear it, I was glad for the message. When you get a gift, it’s not about what you receive. It’s the intention someone wants you to feel good. Even if it’s from your consciousness, take it as a gesture.

As I realized I was on a trip, I realized it too I had to drink. I knew this was dangerous. Not for me but the trip. When I move, my visions usually shake-up like if my mind was an aquarium. It happens with mushrooms too.

After I drunk, the pebble-looking “matter” appeared. It often comes when I move my head on a trip. From the pebbles, tentacles often grow. I like tentacles, but sometimes other things grow from the pebbles I like a bit less.

It was overwhelming. I wanted to open my eyes. At the same time, I noticed a light-purple (dark pink) colored, djinn looking creature. Surprisingly, it was masculine.

I thought he was God. Or some close relative. Although all these options lead to a paradox, I can love Maya for what she is, the way she is.

But I could not get close to the pink God because he was behind a wall made of pink pebble stones or energy bubbles.

I realized that none of the pickaxes I saw earlier, and nothing I had at hand, could break through the pink energy stones.

It came to my mind Eaglepath wrote that one (I) should take 50mg DMT. I answered him I didn’t need that much. What if he was right? Maybe I wasn’t brave enough to take it, and that’s why I could not talk to God, regardless of how pink he was.

(As I am writing it down, I’m a bit sarcastic. During the trip, I had the same thoughts without any self-irony or sarcasm.)

As far as I can tell, my current dosage limit of pharma is not mental but physical. For example, on a decent trip, more often than not, I feel I need more oxygen. It doesn’t matter how big the room is. I need to open the door or the window. Then the place gets too bright, and I need to cover my eyes with something. Then I feel the texture of the cloth on my face, and it distracts me. And I mess up the peak of the trip.

It could be an illusion, but when the door is open, it doesn’t happen. It’s indeed like if I needed more oxygen on the trip than usual.

“Maybe I should try vaping that 50mg”, I thought.

I felt exhausted. I opened my eyes to see the room looked normal. The white ceiling was the usual deep-DMT-purple color. There is no place like home.

Soon, the room, as well as my consciousness, split into two halves. It was okay, but I thought I wanted to get out of the bed.

As I was crouching next to the mattress that I call a bed, I looked around. The room seemed normal.

I looked at the bed again. And I noticed that the blankets didn’t end where they end.

I examined the one closest to me. There was the blanket, and when it ended, it continued without solid matter. There was more of the same as a hologram/energy/spirit form.

I noticed the blanket, the bed, and the walls had barely visible light green dots on them. They made up writing or magical symbols.

I understood my blanket was sleeping and dreaming. I understood that it’s what the blankets always do. Blankets consist of sleeping and dreaming. (In retrospect, I consider them one of the smartest items on Earth).

Next to the blanket, in the air, I saw a few cubes. They were levitating. I focused on one of them.

The cube itself was transparent and barely visible if it was visible at all. Inside the cube, there was some shape or flower, or I don’t know what. It was a delicate shape made of blue, yellow, green, and maybe a bit of orange “energy”. Remotely, it looked like something from the movie Avatar on their first date in the night. But it was more like a mixture of an underwater plant and magical letters made of energy.

Everything is magic.

It was in front of me. Of course, I tried to touch it. I put my hand in it. Nothing happened. There was no interaction.

It’s difficult to consider it a hallucination. Both the “spirit” extension of the blanket and the energy flower in the cube seemed real for a few reasons.

First of all, as far as I remember, the rest of the room looked normal, except for the colors ad the symbols on the walls. If my eyes were, let’s say, “ghosting”, like an old television image does, I can’t explain it why I saw it only on the blanket.

If I hallucinated, as some people who never take psychedelics try to educate me, why couldn’t I interact with what I saw? And why they didn’t move when I moved my eyes? The cube close to me was flying upwards, but it’s position and movement was unrelated to my eye movement or direction of my sight. It looked totally real for a flying energy-magical symbol-flower.


Besides, I’ve never seen such an open-eyed visual on DMT or pharma. Unlike on mushrooms, my open-eye DMT visuals were either almost normal (only the colors were different, and space a bit melt), or a total madness similar to the center of the fireworks.

The distinct entity floating in front of my face and the spirit extension of the blanket was a new kind of DMT experience for me.

Unfortunately, they disappeared, and the visual part of the trip ended.

I enjoyed the insights for a while. Then I took another 30mg DMT without MAOI. I didn’t want to welcome more harmalas in my body today. The second dose of DMT without MAOI didn’t bring me visuals. Nevertheless, we had a great time.

Although I thought about sending one or two mushrooms after the DMT, I didn’t do it. I knew I saw what I had to see. That was it for today.

Lately, I always ask one or two questions at the beginning of the trip. I did it today. I got my answer. Now I have to put it into its place.

I don’t think what I saw was figuring out the “reality”, the energy, or the so-called quantum field. The “true reality” is the mind. What I see is the ever-changing Maya. Today, its rules differ from the rules from tomorrow, and none of them has a connection with the rules from yesterday.

Maya isn’t how the reality is. Maya is how I want the reality to be.

It’s wonderful.

This is so cute haha

What would we do without our blankets coming down from a journey...


Very interesting journey you had.. I enjoyed reading it very much..

Dont listen to me so much regarding the 50mg DMT.... There is no dosage guide of where to go and what to experience.. That was just an indication regarding the topic discussed in the other post as usually 50mg or above will totally destroy any dualistic materialistic reality including the form of you, you are used to.

What is equal important if not more important is the level of concentration you can hold. Especially if you want to meet God.. Or even more if you want to become God. Otherwise you just get stucked on the way in more dualism, beautiful things but still dualism.

But a strong dose of anything especially Ayahuasca in my sense and an attitude of: Fuck it! Dont listen to any messages, dont look at any visuals, let you body go, dont care that you are dying, dont care about evil beings, dont care about your worst fears, dont care about anything just be stubborn enough to find a point behind you eyes and press and hold on to that until you eventually go through everything and becomes free.. Then your life will change forever... Much love

I think I understood you. It’s not the missing 5mg. I indeed have a limit of DMT that’s not mental but physical. I can take what I see. It’s the lack of oxygen that annoys me. (On pharma, so, it’s not the vaping).

Maybe I will do the leap of faith soon, and go higher.

Since my third truffles trip, I know I’m God. Or, I could say since the first one, but I wasn’t alone at that time (paradox), and it was the most emotional.

It brings up a question I’ll discuss below.

As for being afraid of creatures, I’m the dragon who is going to burn down this world to ashes. I saw it enough times to know it. It may sound weird or evil to some.

In daily life, I love nature. When I say I love nature, I don’t mean I like cats and dogs, and maybe a few horses but only the cute ones. I mean, when it’s raining, I take the earthworms, snails, and frogs from the road, and put them away to save them from the cars. When a giant waps flies in my apartment, I’m scared of it, but I catch her and put her outside alive.

I talk to plants.

Sometimes, although less often, I even talk to people.

Why would I want to burn down the world?

I don’t want to.

Not this me, who is sitting in front of the monitor.

It’s the I who knows who I am.

I do it because I enjoy being my singular forms: a dragon, or Kali, or one of the reptilian succubi goddess. I find them the most beautiful.

To make this world exist, I have to forget who I am. So did I.

When I realize who I am, I start waking up. It’s a process of making three steps forward and two steps back. In the beginning, I know it only when I take drugs.

They are placebo, by the way. DMT doesn’t exist.

I deleted my comments because I started realizing this, and I didn’t know how to discuss it, with whom. All I “knew” was why I shouldn’t have discussed it.

From the beginning, my impression was that everyone and everything else was my subconscious. It’s not solipsism, although it’s close.

Every time I understood something on a trip, I read it or saw it on a video one or two days later. I got to a point where the most stupid reaction would have been denying that the world is I.

But here is the question. Although it exists only when I’m not on psychedelics, it’s a stubborn one.

How can I know it, and how can you know it too?

If “you” are my subconsciousness, and “you” know what I talk about, who am I to “you”?

I’m reading a book that’s all about explaining the “outside” world is my subconsciousness.

Typical story. I bought the book months before my first trip, but I started reading it after a dozen trips, only to discover almost everything I realized was in the book.

The book dodges the question above.

It also says my mind is the Universe, and the outside world is my subconsciousness. So far, it’s word by word what I figured out.

Okay. Then, what if “you” read the book? Then who am I?

PS: when I tried to tell these to close friends and my ex-therapist, they not only got it all wrong but didn’t ask anything to help them understand it. They took it as it was about being superior and powerful.

That’s one more reason to burn down all schools on Earth.

How to hell could I be “superior” if I am alone?

What is “powerful” in dreaming?

It’s about realizing how simple the world is.

Still, I can’t “read” “others”’ mind. Not that I want to. But I never had an “ego-death” either.

I am not part of it, but everything.

So, if “you” are my subconscious, then who am I to “you”?

I would recommend you to meditate more.... It seems you are living to much in your mind.. Thats normal after you had these realizations.. You want to figure things out and the tool you are used to using is your mind and your intellect.. You have to try to get over that.. Try to live more in the clean empty silent space beyond the mind.. Only there can you get the answers you are looking for.. Thats where meditation comes in.. and enough time in that space will equalize your awareness.. Otherwise you will slowly become crazy, believe me haha..

And dont take anything serious.. just flow with the dance whatever happens.. dont judge and dont react..

I really understand what you are going through and exactly where you are.. Just give yourself to it and God will do the rest.. You have an exciting life coming..

There is no knowing.. only experience.. Nothing is persistant.. Only God.. and thats beyond definition.. From that space every question and every answer comes.. so its pointless..

Only you exists... I do not exist.. I am nothing.. you are just playing with a screen on a computer at the moment.... You doing something in your experience that you can not really define.. its only experience... the rest is just language words etc etc.. You are in the end just playing a game withyourself.. God vs God..


Words like powerful and superior really doesnt have a meaning... just useless words...

The mind are dividing and judging... Trying with your intellect make sense of things and categorize it with this language as a tool.. its just toys... Dont get stuck in it to much.. just play with it if you want but dont take it serously...

Everything I am writing to you right now I can not explain how this happens.. I can not find either control or any will in this.. Its illusions.. Its an act of God.. Its just a flow.. The only power I have is to be passive or act.... And in the end that is God as well.. You see how everything collapses when we play to much with words...

Its a schizofrenic cosmic show that you should just enjoy while it lasts..

First you will be played by it... Then with enough awereness you can start to play with it.. and when you get fully enlightened you just leave it..

Ok Kali... Good luck.. a lot of Love coming your way!

I’m so glad you wrote.

When I’m "out there", indeed there are no questions. It’s not that I know the answers. There are no questions. That’s also why when I am back, there are no answers.

I believe in intellect. There is a solution to the above. Before the trip, I ask the questions. I always get answers. Often, the answers are not words but images.

For example, once I saw myself lying on a bed, with cables or pipes on my head. I knew I built a virtual reality of my mind. At the cables/pipes came out, they turned into tentacles, and the structure was an eight* dimensional fractal. A little bit it looked like a hatching egg from the Alien or a black and purple flower. There were time bubbles on the petals. Every bubble was an illusion of reality.

If you followed the tentacles/petals/pipes (coming out of my mind), no matter where you went, you always arrived back. There was no escape.

When I saw it, I was laughing at all the questions I’ve ever asked, and all the questions I’ve ever been asked.

* The eight dimension is not an exact number. I didn’t count. These dimensions are not only space and time. There are such dimensions as beliefs, ideas, thoughts, desires, and so.

Another time, I realized I created myself, and I didn’t know how I did it.

You know these. I’m happy to write it down, even if I talk to myself.

Hi.

I like, sometimes, to keep my eyes open and let the retina-visuals mix with my visual free associations, aka dreaming while kundalini is very dense, all in synchrony. Now, your cube... it may have been from these other two layers in your case. This is what I understood from your experience. Or it might have been like... the contours of the cube were generated by the retina, and the volume, the filling was generated in the visual thinking dreaming layer.
I like your complexity, I confess. :-))
And I recommend you to meditate and navigate at the same time :-))

I started doing this some years ago, to keep my observative mind active but in visual thinking mode, and... in order to understand what's going on, I touch from time to time the experience unraveling in me as me. The response to my touch is the explanation. It took me some time, though, to be so flexible and allow the reaction to go through me, to accept whatever comes. Then... I feel the change... as the information downloads, resulting in a new perspective usually.

I described this mechanism here because it seems to be the only way to understand the dense information pack instantly. And then, after the experience, the mind is sharp clear, and you can ask yourself anything, and the answer will come from the mind as an intuition-like style. Or a drawing. Or a symbol. Etc.

Hugs
O.