Hello everyone, I have been reading posts from the shadows for a long time and this weekend I was able to sign up during the pulse, I am very excited about this new access, and the fact that there is a community like this around something that has become so important in my life fills me with emotion ><.
Well, I will tell a little about myself so that you know me, although I warn, I tend to be uncooperative on the internet, I really like to watch, read, learn, but I consider that I still have little to contribute, at the moment I am much more here as a receiver than as issuer.
Let's start, my first contact with a substance that was not alcohol (in low doses) was psilocybin, before that it was practically a straight edge, I consider that I had a very closed mind to these possibilities, as well as some concepts of "substance, medicine , drug, food "quite limited. When I was 19 years old, for something I do not remember, I asked myself "What is the difference between drugs and medicines, how do they work, are all drugs the same? Bad?" And as a result of an investigation on some drugs and their effects, I learned about tryptamines, I learned a lot about them and I fell in love with mushrooms, I decided to grow them and try the process and the resulting experience for myself. They were 1.8g of psylocibe cubensis McKennaii, if anything I remember about that trip is that, despite not being an extremely strong trip, the feeling of "being at home", of finding something lost, and the fun of entering something unknown or Forgotten they were wonderful, my first post trip reaction was: "How have I not tried this before? The world should see this."
I decided to limit my consumption to once a month at most and spent some time traveling recreationally (although I took some lessons, on my third trip I developed the concept of "talking to the mushroom" as a result of identifying moments in which my rationality and my emotionality decided to work together to give direction to my life and answer questions) and after almost 2 years I started smoking marijuana in a bong to learn to smoke (I completely reject tobacco) with the intention of smoking Salvia Divinorum. My conclusion in this regard was and is "WTF, I don't know what happened, I don't know if I liked it", although that has not prevented me from continuing to take it from time to time, some time later I occasionally tried MDMA. On January 2, 2020 I had my first contact with LSD, 270ug, this time it got a little out of hand, since, thinking that I was going to feel psilocybin, and that I already knew what it was about, I took it partying with a marijuana brownie, fatal mistake. I had a good recreative LSD trip, with synesthesia, geometric visuals, etc, until marijuana decided to make me feel bad, at which point I went into a loop, something that has never happened to me with mushrooms and I did not know what could happen until that moment. Many hidden and little cared aspects began to emerge from me, I questioned reality as I had never done before, my own existence and my concept of death.
Side note: My friends and I think I was so scared that my brain generated DMT from stress, because I remember having an LSD trip, a very strange trip, and an LSD trip again.
In the middle of the loop I began to say that life was a loop, I had the energy to get to the car and stay lying in the trunk, I could see the same situation, neutral, repeating itself, but with different perspectives that evoked different sensations and that led to different outcomes, reality began to decompose, it became day and night every second, and during the night I was dying, during the day I was being born (I will explain all this in more detail in the future along with other trip reports, when I finish structuring the different sections), at the end I saw something, intangible and indefinable, which is fractal and infinite (and has a toroidal shape), it is the same as always but every time you see it it is from a new perspective, and in That moment for me that was the simple operation of the cosmos, a peace and ecstasy invaded me that I never thought I would experience, I made an abstraction of my being and my consciousness, both the intellectual and the perceptual part, it traveled very far, it became very large, the size of planets, and very small, the size of cells, I contacted a higher intelligence, intelligence, in fact. Then the trip went down to a classic, visual LSD trip (like many that I have had later), and I spent a whole day thinking and doing reality checks, to make sure that I had returned.
That trip has been a turning point in my life, from there I say that I do not learn new things as I grow up, I remember old things, I do not advance, I return, every time I reach a conclusion about something I am struck by a flash of the moment of eternity in which I thought, saw and felt. Also, before this I was a deterministic and agnostic cynic, I had read a lot about the religion of various cultures out of curiosity and fun, after that moment I understood that they are all attempts to explain what I saw, and in a way it is something real , so I am not a believer in anything in particular, but my faith welcomes everything that I have collected from various beliefs, even if they are opposite, in my head God can be conscious and unconscious at the same time, mystical and scientific, the possibility that not exists, and in fact, the fact that it does not exist is an intrinsic characteristic of that which possesses all characteristics.
Some time passed and the DMT came into my life, a person offered me and I smoked a little, a very low dose, it was not an intense trip but one thing stuck with me, the feeling of familiarity, of being headed towards that eternal moment . And recently life put all the means in my path to be able to take the amount of spice I wanted for as long as I wanted, and I have experienced dozens of trips already, some good, some bad, in no hurry to get there, but searching and heading always towards that eternal moment.
I have acquired the habit of keeping a record of dreams and trips (the dream log is a little bit out now) and I am confident that I can get something out of it and be able to deliver it at some point.
Well, the post has taken longer than I expected... I'm sorry, it's a pleasure to be here, see you!