Howdy Nat, I actually kind of experience the opposite, but I could see how you would feel the way you do after a period of abstinence. You pointed it that your integrating a psilo trip, and the contrast of feelings could surely be magnified by that.
Perhaps though it's only a different perception of the same thing that you describe that I find beneficial. I often find myself overwhelmed by a neurochemical cascade (in just using a term, not meaning any kind of actual function) resulting in an overload of negative emotion that I too often react to, resulting in all kinds of poor results. Even being self aware doesn't enable me to stop it often, it's like I'm almost helplessly taken on a ride into darkness. I'm sure there are eager diagnosers for this and even more eager prescribers, but I find that cannabis helps me detach from my self, while still being completely within my self.
That didn't make too much sense did it?,
well, I mean it just enables me to be more of a spectator than a participant and allows me to step outside, take a breath and come up with a strategy instead of diving into some bad situation that my inability to control my emotions leads to. I tend to be reactive as hell and it helps me be more deliberate. I'm fully cognizant that to some extent I'm addicted to cannabis, but honestly it's either that or a slew of psychotropic drugs through prescription at this point in my development. I do wonder how much of what I'm talking about is exacerbated or even perhaps caused by it, and a break is in order in the near future, but frankly right now I need this tool, even if it is a crutch, in my life. Cuz m broken as hell, and trying to get fixed, but it's taking time... lots of damn time!
Sine experientia nihil sufficienter sciri potest -Roger Bacon
*γνῶθι σεαυτόν*