Ok this report is going to be on the longer side as it is not one single experience but rather a string of them.
To be exact, 32 experiences over the span of 24 days.
Some are rather dull, but I have left them in because they all build up to something very interesting, in my humble opinion.
To make this big report easier to digest, the most interesting/relevant parts of this mega-report are highlighted using yellow text. Think of these as a TL;DR
BACKGROUND: I dabbled with a lot of psychedelics and a bit of DMT about a decade ago, and this batch of DMT has been my first return (not including weed). In the span of that decade I had dedicated a huge amount of my time studying and practicing various spiritual practices, but as you will notice in the report my current spiritual paradigm is of a Buddhist flavour.
About four weeks ago I "got the call" and to spare you to the longwinded details I was soon sitting with some freebase and a 3:2 vape cart.
NOTE: Assume that everything written below is "my opinion" and "my experience", even if not explicitly stated. I'm generally under assumption that all of my beliefs are probably false and at-best only temporarily true.
Days 1 to 5: How's the water?
I must say I was quite nervous going into my first session, it had been so very long... Not to mention, in my mind the possibilities are literally infinite. I can't remember the last time I felt this much physical anxiety, my hands were shaking, I was short of breath. All the more reason to do it.
I sat on my meditation cushion, cart and vape in my hand ready to go. I reminded myself that I'll be doing a small dose, that it won't be super crazy, I'm not aiming to breakthrough. After that I simply cleared my mind and sat in equipoise until my breath had settled.
I took a nice 5 second puff and held it in, in retrospect it was around 10mg judging by the effects. I felt the little bit of acceleration surge through my body. In comparison to a breakthrough it was so minuscule YET the effect it took on me was deeply profound.
Every single nerve in my body lit up like a Christmas tree. I felt enlivened, awakened, empowered, em-everything. My anxiety turned into euphoria, everything felt so fluid, so alive, so vibrant. I got off my cushion and walked around, moving about slightly lizard-like with waves of vibrance washing over my body.
Over the first 5 days I had 10 experiences that I would clock in all at around 10-15mg range, testing various different theories and hypotheses. I must say I had a lot of fun experimenting, dipping my toes in a bit. I messed around with different settings, testing out tolerance, and getting a bit more used to the acceleration feeling.
Combined with future information, the most important highlight of this first 5 day phase is that very first dose on my meditation cushion. To put in Buddhist terms, it cleared out all the stale air from my channels. To put it into lay terms... It felt like something very stale and rigid was forcefully blasted out of my nervous system. While I had not found a physical tolerance in my continued dabbles, I have found that this first time blast-through of the channels has not occurred since.
At the time of writing this report it has been 32 days since that first small dose. It seems to have shifted something deeply, as I have experienced the following consistently since:
- Better mood, my base line is euphoric
- Better self-regulation and ability to manage other people's emotions
- Heightened creativity with much clearer thinking
- More dreams remembered
- A somatic feeling of "flow" that is easy to let go into
- A heightened self-awareness of "my vibe" and a prioritization of it over logical reasoning. Meaning that I am making more decisions based on intuition.
It is important to note that I have no idea whether this effect was due to a "one time cleaning" or if it is a result of effectively maintaining a consistent use of spice.
Day 6: First attempted breakthrough
After some dabbling it was time to try and use the vape cart to blast off. After reading online at the ratio this cart was it should get me there at around 3 or 4 puffs. This experience seems to be at just about the exact same intensity as the second attempted breakthrough using 30mg of freebase. For lack of a better measure, I will assume that this was about the same dose I barely managed to suck out of that tiny little 510 cart.
Earlier in the evening I spent a couple of hours listening to one of my gurus talk to myself and two other students about maha yoga, its' deity practice, and how he found it very interesting that Washington DC is laid out much in the same way that the palaces of the deities we work with are. He was hinting that there is a universality to the archetypal human experience. For example almost all cultures have a stage, a throne, a crown... To my surprise he ended the topic with a mention that "outside of this Earth" the "universal" experience might be different, different symbols, different archetypes. He said that in the Buddhist perspective, aliens would be considered "human" as long as they are existing on our level of Samsara, rather than those below or above.
I was inspired by this and decided it was the right time to try and breakthrough. I was also very curios if there was any possibility of breaking through and ending up at one of these deity palaces.
I took a shower, meditated, and set myself up mentally to take at least 3 nice big puffs. The first puff went as expected, as I exhaled I went for a second, that was also more-or-less as expected. By the third puff I could taste the burnt cotton... It didn't seem to do too much so I went for a fourth, also tasted burnt, BUT the feeing of acceleration was going strong.
As I felt the immense wave course through my body, I heard the "white noise" in the back of my head change tones. I lay back, closed my eyes, and... Stuck... At first it felt exactly like I remembered blasting off to feel a decade ago. But then it stopped escalating, felt like there wasn't enough force to blast through.
I let go of the tension, leaving myself to wobble in the slowly fading intensity. While it was disappointing not having broken through, this in-between space was a new experience. I tried to take it all in.
This is when I noticed two things:
1. While I couldn't intend a breakthrough, I could "increase the acceleration" through focus.
2. The fabric of the patterns I was seeing was reacting to the increase/decrease of acceleration, a if excited by it
At this moment the voice in my head went into what I call "God Mode". It was no longer talking as myself, but talking to me. It addressed what I was noticing with the words, "yes, they're beings".
I answered in thought, "Of course... the fabric of mind would also be aware. Wait... so..."
"They are the living building blocks of realities" it answered before I could finish
Noticing that they resemble pixels or tiny little dots I thought "Like reality beetles"
The Voice didn't answer but I felt that it was amused. In retrospect, I had assumed these little "micro-entities" were the full extent of this category of beings, but as you'll see further in the report I was quite wrong.
I wanted to know more and the Voice continued, "They're always there."
"Even in my day-to-day?"
"Always."
"They seem excited by the DMT"
"They react to energy, mood, feelings, thoughts"
My mind ran wild with a million questions but the Voice interjected: "And... you're back" as my eyes opened. There were still patterns on the walls, the lights had bits of rainbow, and the whole of reality around me felt alive.
While I had not broken through, I was overflowing with joy at having discovered something quite unexpected. Beyond starting to integrate this in my mind, I also began to suspect that either the vape cartridge wasn't sufficient for a breakthrough or my technique wasn't good.
Days 7 to 12: Surfing waves
In all honesty the five days following were not the most eventful or interesting. First off I did some research and found a better vape cart technique which involved pulsing rather than holding the button down.
I started "surfing waves" where I would re-ingest DMT every 10-20 minutes and maintain the psychedelic high for prolonged periods of time -- typically 30-60 minutes at a time. This allowed me to experiment a bit as to how I react in different settings. Anything from watching sunsets to seeing how it goes drawing, etc...
In parallel I also went out and got an oil burner pipe for my freebase. I figured since ten years ago I broke through every time using one of these, it might be a good thing to try. All in all the five days were nothing worth reporting, albeit it was a very fun and positive time overall. I was so focused on trying to nail down a better technique that I had forgotten all about what I at the time thought of as "reality beetles".
Day 13: Second attempted breakthrough... To where?
Having gotten used to the oil burner pipe I decided it was time to try once more for a breakthrough. I loaded up 30mg and took it all in one big long draw, holding it in after quickly putting down the pipe.
I got excited because the acceleration felt much stronger and quicker. I remember thinking "Ah yes! HEEERE WE GOOO" aaaaand... screeching halt.
While I was blasted much faster than the previous breakthrough attempt, it still fizzled out right before hitting breakthrough. The load felt very heavy and I felt a big feeling of frustration for not hitting breakthrough again.
"Where is there to breakthrough to?" I heard the Voice again, "everywhere, anywhere, everything is already here."
At this point I started seeing many different versions of my own life and reality. It felt like "adjacent" timelines. Some were great, others were terrible. I was dying in a few of them, which startled me a bit.
I forced myself to open my eyes and looked over at one of the posters on my wall, Dragon Ball Super. It was shifting into different posters, disappearing, reappearing... Again it felt like the poster was shifting through versions in "adjacent" timelines. Too much, I closed my eyes again.
I asked the Voice if I'm not supposed to try and breakthrough, and if not then why?
It didn't answer my question, but rather brought my attention to the reality beetles from before. I had forgotten all about them. My attention zoomed out, the reality beetles were forming 2D patterns of smiling jesters.
"Open your eyes," the Voice suggested. I did, I saw pulsating patterns that were smiling, laughing, whispering to each other. All around them were patterns of light. They were alive and everywhere.
"I already told you they're always here," the Voice stated and the words felt quite overwhelming. Being told that there's little pixel-like micro-entities constructing the fabric of reality was one thing, but being shown a whole overlay of various entities flooding all around at all times felt very different.
It felt like being on display, naked in a glass container in front of an audience. I felt the Voice smile in response to this, and I felt very reassured in that instance.
The trip ended with me staring at the ceiling. I had a feeling that I could will my OEVs to start or stop. I tried it and it seemed to work. The Voice told me "learn to shift in and out". Taking my eyes off the ceiling there was nothing in my room now. No light patterns, no flat entities, just a slightly crisper, brighter room than usual.
This trip left me feeling a bit split. On the one hand I felt frustration at not breaking through, on the other hand I felt "fried" -- as in the experience felt VERY heavy both physically and psychologically. Beyond that I wasn't quite sure what the message was. Should I be exploring sub-breakthrough more? Should I try again for a breakthrough?
Days 14 to 20: Hyper slap on the wrist
I decided to take some time to integrate but also decided to setup an e-mesh. Whether or not I would be trying for another breakthrough soon, I felt that it would be a much more convenient setup with maximum efficiency.
Mentally I seemed to be pretty hung up on "breaking through" and for some reason by extension the e-mesh setup. I ignored the advice to learn to shift in and out, I ignored the hints that the Voice gave me, and in retrospect ultimate focused in on the wrong thing.
Throughout my tinkering with getting the e-mesh setup I would ingest around 10mg after each time I tweaked it. Typically once or twice a day. I started to do absolutely no mental prep and going about it in a mechanical way. The effects seemed to have started tapering off, but I just chalked it up to "I was tired", or "I didn't hit it right".
Until I hit it nonchalantly and everything all of a sudden felt... Gross... off... There was no typical radiance, there was no good vibes. I felt sickened both physically and with myself. I realized that I had been so fixated that I more or less disrespected everything from the spice to the spirits to the Voice. At the moment of this realization the gross feeling began to fade.
Obviously this was NO WHERE near a hyperslap, but I felt like it was a mini-version that hinted at that direction. Basically a small smack on my wrist rather than a Power Slap from one of Dana White's elite slappers.
The next day I flipped my attitude and approach. I started with a short meditation, followed by considering what it is that I truly want out of these experiences. What am I looking for? What do I want? What is the ultimate outcome that I want?
"I want to find something that is of benefit to all. I wish to bring something back that would would contribute to the enlightenment of all beings" came out of my mouth. This may sound cheesy, pretentious, or even comedic to some... But in Buddhism this type of wish is considered "Aspirational Bodhichita". By focusing on working for others and towards their enlightenment you invite the arousal of the ultimate Buddha mind, you aspire towards the path of a Buddha.
I vaporized 10mg, not really knowing what to expect, and was happily surprised with a very pleasant samadhi. Minor OEVs, good feeling vibe, and in general I felt very good about the experience.
I got the message going forward: this isn't a drug or a toy, if you are going to experiment then do it with the proper mindset.
Day 21: The lesson begins
The next three experiences began to string together more coherently and each deserves it's own entry in this mega-report.
On day 21 when I decided to ingest; I started off with mantras, meditation, taking care of both set and setting (music, lights, comfort), and ensuring to raise aspirational bodhichita. Following that I ingested 12mg from the e-mesh.
This experience is difficult to report on. There were no entities but the atmosphere around me was very fluid, my walls were waving, lights were dancing. I felt a telepathic guidance present in my mind.
The OEVs were waving up and down, at times not even noticeable, at other times quite prevalent. If I started thinking about the experience with my "regular mind" then it would subside for longer. On the contrary there was a different mode of mind that seemed to be much more conductive to the OEVs and stretching them out longer.
I didn't hear the Voice but something in me was telling me that this "psychedelic mind" is possible to develop and build up. I felt like even without ingesting DMT if one became adept at shifting away from the normal mind they would be able to "see differently".
Day 23: Many spirits
On day 23 I ingested 11mg from the e-mesh with the same beginning ritual as day 21, with the addition of trying to "raise psychedelic mind" before ingesting the DMT.
At first I was in a bit of a hypnotic trance. Then all of a sudden I heard the Voice clear it's throat and I snapped out of it. I realized that I could see the "local entities" again. Beyond that, I didn't even NOTICE that I was seeing them at first. It was like I was looking right at them but it didn't register in my head, but once the Voice made the sound they stopped hypnotizing me.
I felt a telepathic connection with the entities. I saw them flowing up and down my walls, forming their structure. I saw the ones forming the lights in the ceiling start giggling and distort the light in field of view. They were all excited, whispering things to each other that I couldn't hear, joyously laughing all around.
The magnitude of the OEVs was way beyond what 11mg should be. From the telepathic connection and based on what I was seeing I realized a few things and made notes after the trip:
- These entities answer to the Voice
- It is 100% possible to see them and not even realize it
- They seem to have personalities and functions
- It is possible to shift deeper into their space or further away from it
The last note, on being able to shift deeper or further, was the most significant part of this. At the time I believed that this related to focus/concentration, but based on future experiences this is not true. I had no idea HOW the intensity was shifting up and down but it was reacting to my state of being somehow.
I started to take this as the central point or purpose of this string of experiences.
Day 24: New friends
On day 24 I ingested 12mg from the e-mesh with the same beginning ritual as day 23, including raising the psychedelic mind.
The entities became visible this time without any hypnotic hiding. I felt rather welcomed. I spent some time taking it all in and the scene was pretty similar to before in terms of what was happening, but with one small change.
The entities that were creating my basement hallway, about 30 feet away from where I was sitting and where the light was slightly lower, began to drastically bend the hallway. At first just a little, I saw it swaying left-to-right. I giggled a bit and felt the entities react positively, at which point the swaying turned into full blown bending. To my surprise my whole hallway seemed to be shifting left, right, up, down by almost 45 degrees. What was damn weird is that when it would sway fully to the left, I could see the stairs around the corner... A better way to put it is that it didn't feel like visual distortions, it felt like the hallway was actually moving and changing my line of sight.
I was so deeply perplexed. Would they have shown me this if I wasn't alone? What would have happened if I tried to walk into the hallway? What do these entities like? What do they dislike? How can I interact with them better?
"Why don't you try talking to them BEFORE the trip?" I heard the Voice suggest to me near the end of the experience.
I will be honest that question completely changed a lot for me... I find myself never feeling alone and talking out-loud from time to time, assuming that the local entities can hear me. When my day is going particularly good or particularly bad I find myself either thanking them or demanding that they cut out the shenanigans.
Trust me I understand how that last part can come off... I've already had chats with my friend who's a psychologist about signs & symptoms of schizophrenia, delusions, etc...
At the moment of writing this, everything is good and I am quite stable. Beyond that I am continuing these "local entity" experiments, will report more soon, and in fact I feel like my life has been significantly improved over the span of the last month.
My current working hypothesis is a bit multifaceted:
1. I believe that these local entities are related to what western occultists call "elementals" and what is referred to as "dakini" in tantric Buddhism -- entities that are tasked with constructing perceived realities
2. I believe that developing a good relationship with these entities will greatly help in exploring hyperspace
3. I believe that on a day-to-day these entities feed off of our paying attention to the reality they're tasked with maintaining.
As stated at the beginning... Assume that everything written above is "my opinion" and "my experience", even if not explicitly stated. I'm generally under assumption that all of my beliefs are probably false and at-best only temporarily true.